Over the weekend, a friend and I took a walk around the city and we came upon two “points of interest.”

They both happen to be playgrounds.

This one is from Chinatown/Lower East Side. As you can see, Alfred Smith Park is not afraid to express very “strong emotions”. You can’t see it here, but the merry-go-round is made of little middle fingers where you sit and spin. The fountain is full of piss. I’m actually serious about that. I think people piss in the fountains. Why not? After all, it has running water. It’s a great place to make urine. The only better place might be in your mother’s mouth OH COLD SNAP DANNGGG.

This MIGHT be the most depressing playground in NYC. On the other side of that wall is the FDR. So imagine, if you will, this awesome playground against a backdrop of traffic, honking, a chorus of “No fuck YOU!”, ambulance sirens, and a ton of automobile exhaust. My question is, what is the POINT? They should’ve just left it as a dumping ground for used needles. It would be more pleasant than this garbage. Can you imagine your parents being like heeeyyy let’s go to the playground, and you get all excited, and then they take you to THAT bullshit? “But look honey, you can rock back and forth and check out that very cool chain link fence!” What a scam. I should sue the city for false advertising. That is no playground, my friends. The depressing part of that is that the money spent to make that bullshit playground could’ve bought a set of books for a classroom, with money left over. And you could take the leftover cash monies, roll it into a big gigantic fatty and smoke it, and it’d still be better used than this playground.

Just saying.

Do not feed your two-year-old a jelly donut before a six hour flight. actually do not feed your two-year-old a jelly donut. Unless it’s made of vegetables. like cabbage. WTF. This flight might suck it.

The security guy asked me why I wasn’t spending Christmas with my family and he asked if I was Jehovah’s. I just said we didn’t celebrate because we are lazy. Then he asked me out. No, he was not hot.

A friend told me that a cabbie picked her up at a hospital and asked her out for a drink. It was 4am.

Once a cabbie dropped me off at my apartment at 3am and asked if I lived alone and then mentioned that HE WAS VERY VERY LONELY SO LONELY SO HARD TO FEEL SO ALONE. Then asked if he could come up.