Do not feed your two-year-old a jelly donut before a six hour flight. actually do not feed your two-year-old a jelly donut. Unless it’s made of vegetables. like cabbage. WTF. This flight might suck it.

The security guy asked me why I wasn’t spending Christmas with my family and he asked if I was Jehovah’s. I just said we didn’t celebrate because we are lazy. Then he asked me out. No, he was not hot.

A friend told me that a cabbie picked her up at a hospital and asked her out for a drink. It was 4am.

Once a cabbie dropped me off at my apartment at 3am and asked if I lived alone and then mentioned that HE WAS VERY VERY LONELY SO LONELY SO HARD TO FEEL SO ALONE. Then asked if he could come up.