Annietown

Annietown Berlin

I am in Berlin. Here, beer is cheaper than soda. CHEAPER THAN SODA. as in, BEER € < SODA € like I don’t even understand how that is possible. But look, I don’t even like beer but I like it better than soda. Soda is so over. Why even bother, soda? Why exist when there is beer? Obviously my SODA
CLUB is not included in the soda category, shut up.

I am alive and happy and will return Monday, though what if I miss my flight?I mean what if I have to stay longer? That’d be a terrible shame. Terrible terrible shame. I can’t even think about that it’s so horrible.

Pics to come when or if I return. The Internet pipes are small here. I need fat pipes for my fat pics.

Baguette Paris

Friends!

I leave soon!

To go to the airport!

To get on a plane!

To fight with my neighbor over the armrest!

To sit in the bitch seat!

To arrive at another airport!

This one will be in Paris!

Woo hoo! I am stoked! I’m going to majorly carboload there it will be ridiculous. WATCH ME CARBOLOAD PEOPLE. I’M GOING TO EAT A BAGUETTE SANDWICH. THAT’S WHEN I TAKE A BAGUETTE AND STICK IT INSIDE ANOTHER BAGUETTE.

OH AND THERE WILL BE CHEESE TOo IN THIS BAGUETTE SANDWICH.

ALSO THERE WILL BE A STOMACHACHE INVOLVED.

Nicceee.

Also, I will buy a wallet. And a cape. I really really want a cape. And no, not a magician cape or a superhero cape. But you know, like a cape. Shut up.

Yay! I will try to post a blog and pictures.

I will also try to refrain from making jokes about the French people but it’s hard for me. I mean France is my go-to country for jokes. And Germany for that matter. I am totally screwed. This might be the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my entire life.

Also, I’d like to thank American Airlines and my gazillion miles for making this trip possible (and free!).

Paris and Berlin!

Yours truly is going to PARIS AND BERLIN omfggggblarrgghhhh! Over Thanksgiving. I have like, ten million miles on American and decided to CASH THAT SHIT IN and be a total winner. In addition, I will hopefully go to Hawaii in January to visit Mr. Pony, ALSO ON MY MILES. CASH IT, beeyorch! (Pony, I expect all my meals to come in a coconut, even though I’m allergic. I like the festive nature of coconuts.) This is going to be good.

So, friends, you are all jet-setting individuals. You have active passports, and if your passport is like mine, you look like a foot soldier of a drug cartel. I need some kind of hotel situation for Paris. I would LIKE to pay less than 100 euros, though, I do not want to get gonorrhea from the sheets. Ideally we’re talking 80 euro range. Ideally I would also like the shower/WC to be IN the room because, you know what? I’m a grown-up. I want the grown-up things that grown-ups get and deserve. But I do not want to pay grown-up prices, because money does not grow on trees, which is something only a grown-up would say. But there you have it.

I found a hotel that is in that range and the reviews are SO mixed I don’t know if I want to RISK IT. In its reviews the words “SCAM” and “CLEAN” and “GREAT LOCATION” and “NEVER GOING BACK” are all used. Confusion! I am a woman of RISK, yes, and a woman of ADVENTURE and perhaps MYSTERY, but I rather not get gonorrhea from the sheets. I rather get gonorrhea the old-fashioned way. By riding BART. WTF, San Francisco? Upholstery AND carpet on public transportation? Shame on you. I was considering renting an apartment in Paris, but that seems riské too. Listen, I don’t know French so I do not know how to spell Frahnch words like riské. Risque? Hahah Lobster Risque.

I would also, of course, love to hear your recommendations in the Paris and Berlin area, including vittles, shopping, and BEER and WINE and other grown-up things. I think I will eat my way across Paris. It’s going to be disgusting. I will disgust myself.

So thank you friends. And also? I’m going to Paris! Berlin!

Deja Vu

I’m here blogging live again from San Francisco International Airport. My plane isn’t here and I’m supposed to be in the air right now, but a lady has told me we will still make it to NYC on time. She is OBVIOUSLY A LIAR. That is what SFO is filled with: lies and tears. There’s also a Starbucks. There’s also a couple seriously necking in the corner. Pretty gross. Like dudes. Come on. I think he’s going to swallow her face, I’m a little worried.

In other news, I ate a burrito yesterday. I remember it like it was yesterday.

The wedding was great and now there’s one more to go and then I AM NEVER GOING TO ONE EVER AGAIN. Ok fine. I’m lying. But that’s what happens when you are at San Francisco International Airport. Lies. So many lies. I can’t take it anymore.

I am really looking forward to sitting on a plane riding in the bitch seat. For six hours.

Hint: that was another LIE!! I’m out of control!!! Oh dear god no!!!

San Francisco

I’m here in the San Francisco Airport blogging live and in beautiful Cinescope color. I was here for work, attending the Game Developers Conference. Oh yes. Games. No wait, g4m3z. 31337 g4m3z, u n00bz. I haven’t seen this many nerds in one place in a very long time. Highlights include two seperate incidences of guys in kilts. And like they’re not Scotsmen. We’re talking long ponytails and bad skin and kilts. Kilts! Dude! One wasn’t even tartan. It was khaki colored. Like you know, a more casual updated kilt. For a night hitting the bars or just working it out on the dance floor. Or maybe just throwing it on when you have a delivery at the front door and you’re still in your jammies. Lots of options here, folks. Please don’t ask if they were going commando. Some things are better left as mysterious mysteries of mystery. One was daintily crossing his legs. So maybe he had no nuts. Look I don’t want to talk about it. Why do you keep making me talk about it? Go away! Away!

Anyway I did learn a lot though I can’t really tell you what I learned exactly.I like the game Uno. That’s it really. I have too much to think about. So instead I’ll think about nothing.

Liquids: Thumbs Down

Yesterday I knocked an entire cup of coffee off the table and it landed in my purse. On the way down, it sprayed my keyboard and my bass gee-tar. Inside my purse I had a distortion pedal and a reverb pedal. Those too, got coffee’d. So what I’m trying to say here is that I have a big problem. The nice part is that everything works still. For now. The bad part is that everything I own looks like it got a savage beatdown from Mr. Coffee. Everything smells like coffee. I was filled with sadness. And not filled with coffee, since I had spilled it all. ERROR and in addition, BIG FAIL.

Next week I’m headed off to Austin for work. It should be fun. I really enjoy Austin and when I think about Austin, I think, dude, I should live there. And then I remember it is quite far from water and then I get a little stressed out about it. I like to be near water. For no particular reason, really. I just might, at some point, want to see it, visit it, say hi, etc. I don’t even like the beach all that much, but, you know, I feel better knowing that it’s there.

I am already planning to go to Veggie Heaven.

I am already planning on getting a major burrito the size of my waist so that it fits perfectly inside my belly.

I am already planning on saying, “Dude, everyone is so nice here. What is wrong with them?”

I am already planning on renting a car and driving like a complete ass, because being female, Asian, from L.A. and living in NYC has not really helped my attitude behind the wheel. So Austin, I apologize in advance. Now, GET OFF THE ROAD.