I am headed out this afternoon to the Fire Island. Do you know this place? It is an island actually made of fire. Everything. The plants, animals, beaches, houses, people. They are all MADE OF FIRE. It will actually BLOW YOUR MIND if you could only withstand the awesome heat of the things made of fire. OK fine, nothing is made of fire. I was lying. It’s just called Fire Island probably because someone made a campfire on it once and they were like, damn what should we call this totally sweet place we discovered and someone was like, how about Campfire Island and people were like, that sounds really lame and like summer campy you are a total douchebag why don’t we just call it Fairy Princess Island? So then the person was like hey, first of all, there is nothing wrong with fairy princesses, they are ROYALTY. Second of all let’s just call it Fire Island then. And everyone was like ok fine. Now many people think of it as the “second gayest place on Earth.” The first would be Provincetown, MA, which truly is the gayest place on Earth. Nice and cute and fun, but like, really, really gay.

Anyway my friend and his family have a house on Fire Island so we are going to go and hang out. When I visit Fire Island I basically sleep. I sleep and sleep and sleep. It is glorious and delicious. Then I wake up to cook. Watch some kind of zombie movie. And then sleep. I go for a walk. Sometimes we try to gather bikes to take a bike ride but that rarely works out because they have like 15 bikes but only 2 of them work. So we have to take all the bikes apart and put them together to make 3 working bikes. It is a real chore and at some point I say, screw this, let’s go sleep. And then everyone says Annniieeee and I’m like, shush I am trying to sleep.

Last night I had dinner with Emeco, the chair design people I sometimes, occasionally, rarely blog for. I am majorly behind on the bloggings. I’m behind on everything. If you go to the site you’ll see a very naked man named Tony sitting on an Emeco chair. He was also at this dinner. I didn’t recognize him because he had clothes on. Those chairs are brutally cold so I’m surprised he could sit on it nood. But he was in the Navy so he’s tough like that. There were also some people from Mono, a Japanese magazine. Dan from Emeco is hilarious. He’s some kind of VP there. I dunno, I forget exactly. He invented chairs. Yeah that’s it. He invented the chair. He is a very important man. He is also not ashamed to cry.

It’s cold here. It’s foggy here. It’s cold and foggy here. That is how I like it too. I think San Francisco and I get along very well, but I can’t see myself living here. The apartments are just too big. I mean, seriously. They’re GINORMONGOUSANTIC. They are, in fact, so big I have to make up a word just to describe how big they are.

I am staying at my friend’s apartment while he is away, and he has a one bedroom. But in addition to his one bedroom, he has a DINING room, a LIVING room, a kitchen, and a bathroom. Also he has a space in a garage for his motor vehicle. Like oh, look at me, I’m in ths room, but I think I will go to this other room, and maybe on the way to this other room, I will stop by another room, just for kicks. And guess what? This kid has MORE closet space than that store that sells closets, you know what I’m talking about. I think it’s called California Closets or something stupid. Anyway, I opened a closet to hang up my jacket and it was EMPTY. That’s how much space he has. I was like…crap, if this were in NY I’d rent out the closet as another bedroom and charge $1375 for it. Anyway I hung up my coat and then I felt bad because it probably felt lonely. So then I hung up my pants too, just so it wouldn’t look so bizarre.

Anyway, hello. San Francisco says hi. I just ate a salad bigger than my head.