food | Annietown

Archive: food

99999999

Is 09-09-09 over because I am over it. Listen. It’s going to happen once a year until 12-12-12. We’ve been doing it since 01-01-01. And by “doing it” I mean doing the sex making act haha jk jk jk. But not jk about the 090909 part.

I’m now in San Francisco. In the airport. My flight arrived an hour early so I’m now waiting for my ride, Dr. Jared, to pick me up and feed me Mexican food. Dudes. I’ve been in SF for like ten minutes and I haven’t had any Mexican yet. Like WTF PEOPLE. I need to get it on. And by “get it on” I mean the sex making act haha jk jk jk. MEXXICCAANNN. In the belly of this beast, narch!

I’m going to a wedding. But I swear this is the last wedding I’ll ever go to…until the one I have in October…and the one the weekend right after that one. Also in California. Ugh. I have no money. The last cent will be spent on A BURRITO. My needs are so small, surely they can be met? Yes? Yes!

Anyway I am excited to be here. I almost missed my flight. You know how there is always one jerk who gets on the plane super late, all sweaty and discombobulated, and the doors close right after they get their sad out-of-breath asses onto the plane? That wasn’t me. I was the one in front of that person. Also sweaty and panting.

Posted September 9th, 2009 in food, lessons learned, shame, travel | 2 Comments »

Brawndo! Now with five kinds of sugar!!!!

Posted August 31st, 2009 in food, hot jams, rage | 3 Comments »

More Places for My Ass

Last night Dan from Emeco, the chair people, gave a talk at Design Within Reach about 10 years, 10 collaborations of fancy chairs with even fancier designers/architects/whatever. You may or may not know that I blog on their behalf. I blog about chairs. Fancy fucking chairs made out of recycled Bud Light with Lime cans. They really are nice, I’m not just saying that. Anyway at the end of the night they had a drawing for two chairs, one by Sir Norman Foster and one by Not-Sir-Just-Regular-Mr. Frank Gehry.

They pulled a name out, some dude name Rodrigo, and he wasn’t there. So they were like, OK we’ll call Rodrigo, and then some guy in the audience yells out NO YOU HAVE TO BE HERE, COME ON. So they pull another one out. The someone says OH SHE WENT HOME DAMN SHE’S GONNA BE PISSED. So they pull another name out and it’s my good friend Marc McQuade! He immediately sprouts a gigantic boner on his face. He wins the Norman Foster 20-06 chair.

How dope is that? So pretty. When you sit in it, you feel like you can take over the world in a comfortable and very stylish way. Like, I SHALL CONQUER YOU, WORLD, BUT FIRST, LOOK AT MY ASS. LOOK AT HOW NICE IT LOOKS IN THIS BOSS CHAIR.

So then they start the drawing for the Gehry chair. They pull a name, it’s Rodrigo again. Padding the pot. Rodrigo, if you’re reading this, shame on you, loser. So then they pull out a name again and IT’S ME OMFG. I win the Superlight by Frank Gehry.

OMFGGGG! I SWEAR it was not rigged. I was like I really shouldn’t take this since I do stuff with Emeco and a nice gentleman in the audience says oh whatever, you deserve it honey!And I’m like, you’re right. I DO deserve it. Is there also a drawing for a yacht? Because I deserve a yacht. I can’t even drive one, but I’d like to say, oh yeah, I was hanging out on my yacht this weekend. This is because I want to sound like a complete douchetard.

So Marc and I took them home. Like take-out. I’ll have the Buddha’s delight, the low mein, and oh I’ll take that Superlight. Thanks. Oh what’s that? The chair is free? Well that is very nice of you. Oh? And I get a fortune cookie too? Does my fortune say that I’m a WINNER?

I’m not sure what to do with my chair. I’m out of space, that much is clear. I have more chairs than ass cheeks right now. I’m thinking of mounting it on the wall, which would be absolutely hilarious.

In OTHER news, I got the motherfucking SODA CLUB. It is a SELTZER MAKER. Holy crap. Do you guys know about this? It’s a little carbonating device. You fill a bottle with water, inject it with bubbles, and then YOU HAVE SELTZER. You might think hmm, I really don’t drink a lot of seltzer. BUT GUESS WHAT? You will if you have this. I can’t even drink flat water anymore. Like water without bubbles? Why even bother living?

So now I will start making my own sodas. Like sparkling juices n’ stuff. OH YEAH. DON’T BE JEALOUS. It’s also a greener alternative, but really, you don’t buy it to be BFFs with Mother Earth. You buy it because YOU ENJOY WATER WITH BUBBLES. Who doesn’t like bubbles? Assholes, that’s who. Just kidding. Well, not really. Anyway I got mine on Ebay for cheaper. It’s already paid for itself. So crisp and refreshing.

Posted July 17th, 2009 in design, food, NYC, parlor tricks | 4 Comments »

OMFG CRUMBS CUPCAKES

OK EVERYONE PARDON MY ALL CAPS, CUZ THAT IS HOW THIS POST IS GOING TO GO DOWN, BUT WE GOT 2 DOZEN CRUMBS CUPCAKES IN OUR OFFICE AND I AM MAJORLY HOPPED UP ON SUGAR. I ATE ONE THAT HAD CARAMEL, CHOCOLATE, FUDGE FROSTING, AND WALNUTS. THE WALNUTS, AS YOU KNOW, ARE FOR PROTEIN. GOOD FATS, SO THAT CUPCAKE WAS LIKE TOTALLY GOOD FOR ME. ALSO I JUST DID A SET OF LUNGES AND EXTREMELY AEROBIC HIGH LEG LIFTS RIGHT NEXT TO MY COWORKER’S DESK, SHE LAUGHED, BUT GUESS WHAT? I’M STILL REALLY HYPER SO I’M GONNA GO RUN AROUND THE BLOCK. MAYBE I WILL RUN TO BROOKLYN, NOTHING IS STOPPING ME. AND THEN AT SOME POINT I BET YOU I WILL CRASH AND TAKE A NAP SOMEWHERE UNDER A BENCH, BUT OH MY GOD. HELLO FRIENDS.

Posted June 24th, 2009 in food | 6 Comments »

Two or Three

I want to see Up, but the question is, how many dimensions?

Do I want TWO dimensions or do I want THREE dimensions?

Man, I remember the days when we had only one dimension. We gathered around the radio listening to our stories and then when the talkies came out, our minds were blown. Now it’s about three dimensions! That newfangled third dimension!

Listen, three dimensions seem a bit over the top. Soon, there’ll be FOUR dimensions! When will it stop? FIVE dimensions? We’ll see things in space, time, and like love or something? Laughter? Warm feelings? When we hit SIX dimensions, shit will be totally stupid. Movies will exist as shrimp chips. I say shrimp chips because it has a lot of MSG, which you know “expresses” umami, the sixth flavor.

Anyway point is, TWO or THREE. I mean normally I’d say of course do it in THREE because why do TWO when you can do THREE? But I watched Coraline in THREE and thought it was unnecessary to have the third especially since they didn’t make much use of it animation-wise. But the people at Pixar don’t suck at all so they might make the third really tasty. TASTY 3d. The D stands for chocolate, don’t ask me where they got the D from. It’s a mystery.

Posted June 2nd, 2009 in food, technology | 7 Comments »

I am eating crunchy things!

Man, I cannot tell you how great it’s been eating things like potato chips and Triscuits. I keep forgetting to eat with the left side of my mouth, so it’s like I’m a chipmunk with this wad of food in one cheek and then it dawns on me that I CAN EAT WITH THE OTHER SIDE HOLY CRAP. Dual-side eating! TWO SIDES. I did not know there were two sides of the mouf. Now I know. I feel like I can eat twice as much as before. TWO! It’s my favorite number. OK, fine, I don’t have a favorite number, but if I did, it’d be two. Glorious two. Now you’re gonna tell me I can walk with oth feet too. Hah, I’ll believe that when I see it, buddy.

My good friend Chris wrecked on his bike over the weekend and broke his collarbone. Now he’s getting surgery to get plates and pins put into his shoulder. He’s gonna set off metal detectors, which is cool only to us because we’re not the ones who have to get strip searched every time we fly. Anyway, I was thinking that I would really like to be half robot. This shoulder of Chris’s is INDESTRUCTIBLE. It is METAL. It probably has some space age alloy crap in it. On a side note: I love the term “space age” because it means absolutely nothing. We’ve been in “the space age” for like 50 years. Space age can mean macrame or plastic or neon vinyl or maybe like that memory foam stuff. Anyway, the point is you can punch or kick Chris in the robotic collarbone and it will not break. NO IT WON’T BREAK. I dare you to try it. Anyway I think I would like some metal parts. I get hurt a lot. This would just be a lot more convenient for me. Convenience is everything.

Posted April 27th, 2009 in food, lessons learned | 5 Comments »

Macbook Pro Diet

My computer died this morning. Like truly died. Goodbye, old friend. *sob* She was good to me. Kind of. Not great. Actually she sucked. OMG I hated that bitch. Screw her. I’m glad she’s dead. The G in G4 stands for OMFG you are such a gooch. One minute I’m IMing Mika, the next minute, my computer shuts down and I get the gray screen and it won’t load anything. It won’t go into safe mode, it won’t go into target disk mode, it wont go into any mode, except for the mode where it tells you to go F yourself.

So I went to the Apple Store.

I REALLY REALLY hate the Apple Store. Honestly. It’s so horrible. Everyone is so “that guy”. Like kind of condescending. I know exactly what I want and then they are trying to upgrade me or get Mobile Me and all that stuff and I’m like dudes. Seriously. Please, just…get it for me from the storeroom and you never ever have to see me again, ever. Until the next time it breaks and then I will be back in tears. Again. Always in tears. I rather buy stuff online, but you know how it is. Your computer breaks and then you need to deal with the situación muy pronto.

So now I have a new Macbook Pro and it is bittersweet. It is a hot jam. SUCH a hot jam. I will be picking up all the single ladies with this thing. Look, I’m running Photoshop and Flash! Holy crap! I can, like, swap windows n stuff. But like, dude, it’s so expensive. $2500!!!!!! WITH the student discount! So now I’m eating beans out of a can for the next three months. Beans. Out of a CAN, dudes. Or maybe some of this.

Or maybe, if I’m feeling fancy some of this.

Funny how both are products of Brazil. They must all have Macbook Pros down there too.

Oh I could do this, this one’s really cheap.

And if I’m feeling “wicked” cheap.

Yes, these are real items. I went grocery shopping last week at kind of a sketchy supermarket that only has roasted chickens and cereal. Sometimes you see things and you really have to take pictures of them. Now I must return to the store to get cans of beans. Maybe some toast. MAYBE. I do not want to blow my budget on toast. Beloved toast.

Posted April 3rd, 2009 in food, shame | 6 Comments »

OH MY GOD LET’S GET TOTALLY TRASHED

HEY FRIENDS IT’S SAINT PATRICK’S DAY LET’S GO GET MAJORLY HAMMERED AND SAY WOOO WOOOOOOOO WOOOO EVERY THREE SECONDS AND PUMP OUR IRISH FISTS IN THE AIR IN HONOR OF SAINT PATRICK WHO, IN CASE YOU DIDN’T KNOW, WAS IRISH. HE WAS SO IRISH THAT HE ATE GREEN BAGELS AND DRANK GREEN BEER AND GREEN MASHED POTATOES, TRUE STORY I READ IT ON WIKIPEDIA SO YOU KNOW IT’S FACT. HE ALSO LIKE TOTALLY PUT THE POT O’ GOLD AT THE END OF THE RAINBOW, NATCH. THOSE IRISH, THEY HAVE ALL THE LUCK. ANYWAY WHILE WE ARE OUT GETTING MAJORLY HAMMERED, WE WILL EAT GREEN BANGERS AND MASH AND SOME KIND OF BOILED MEAT, ALSO GREEN. OMG I’M SO READY TO GET TRASHED. LET’S DO THIS, GUYS. I’M READY. I’M WEARING MY GREEN LEPRECHAUN HAT AND I’M ALSO WEARING ALL GREEN BECAUSE THAT IS WHAT THE IRISH WEAR. WHEN YOU GO TO IRELAND IT’S REALLY HARD TO BUY CLOTHES THAT’S NOT GREEN. ONCE I ASKED IF A SWEATER CAME IN RED AND THEY PUSHED ME INTO A DITCH. WOOOOOO YES IT WAS AN IRISH DITCH COVERED IN SHAMROCKS BUT IT STILL HURT MY FEELINGS. LET’S GO GET SOME MIDORI SOURS! IF I GET ME LUCKY CHARMS, I WILL TOTALLY BUY THE FIRST ROUND AND THEN WE WILL GET MESSED UP, PEOPLE. I WISH I HAD RED HAIR.

On my way home, I saw waaaayyy too many drunk people, including a girl who was vomiting behind a car. It was, like, 5:30 or something. And this morning the bagel guy tried to slip me a green bagel and I had to holler back at him. No dude, I said plain bagel, and he was like, it is plain, and I said, I mean plain colored. Dude. Green bagels! Jews everywhere are crying. First the Holocaust, now this. JUST KIDDING (Aura Weisbaum that joke was just for you).

For no particular reason I am feeling hyper, I feel like dancing a jig. That’s right, a jig. The Irish kind. But not the Riverdance thing, because that’s just going too far, man. If I had any Irish friends (except for VK who reads this blog and whom I have never met so that may or may not count), I am SURE they would despise the Riverdance. You know who loves Riverdance? My mom. She loves it. Nothing is more Irish than my mom. I’ve never been to Ireland, but I don’t have to since we have Saint Patrick’s Day, right? Am I right?

Anyway on Friday I am going to San Francisco, I hope I sober up by then.

Posted March 17th, 2009 in food, NYC, shame | 9 Comments »

Hey Steve Jobs, Let’s Make Love

I got a new iMac at work! It’s ENORMOUS. Oh my god. The screen takes up my entire peripheral vision. Dude, ALL I SEE is screen. I want to live in it. Roll around in it. Frolic. I also want to eat it. I was working on some BULLSHIT screen before. And at home I have a stupid 15 inch laptop (which after dropping it, only works if it’s plugged in so now it’s a 15 inch desktop). So I have this SWEET iMac with this IMAX screen that makes me so happy to do work, which seems wrong. But here are things that I’ve learned:

1. You can run two programs at once. Maybe even three! Oh my god! Four! I’m running four programs at once! Dude! I can browse the tubez AND edit some copy. This may seem so simple, but my last computer gave me a big finger whenever I wanted to do two things at once. It wasn’t just giving the finger too, it’d be super obnoxious about it, hey Annie I have a gift for you, and it reaches in it’s pocket and busts out with a middle finger. Then it laughs, shakes a beer and opens it in my face, and goes to a frat party to bag some hot chix. Well guess what, old computer? Suck it.

2. I can have two Word documents open side by side. SIDE BY SIDE, people. They both FIT on this SCREEN. Do you understand this? WTF is wrong with you? Why aren’t you happier for me? SIDE BY SIDE. I have MULTIPLE windows open. Mind explosion!

3. It takes less than a minute to start up. My last computer? Over ten minutes. I’d come in, turn it on, and then go make myself coffee and you know, make instant oatmeal, talk to co-workers, and then come back to my desk and STILL wait for my shit to boot. It was offensive. Sometimes I could eat my entire oatmeal before I even saw my desktop. It’s important to note that I eat oatmeal very slowly. It’s like eating drywall paste. With raisins.

4. This thing makes me want to do it with Steve Jobs all night long except he’s really not my type but I’d do it anyway because sometimes you have to take one for the team and be a soldier about it.

5. I am very much enjoying kale. I have been eating a lot of kale. I really enjoy kale. This has nothing to do with my iMac, but something I feel like you should know and understand. Kale.

6. I want to deliver a savage beatdown on my old computer like that scene in Office Space, but I can’t even stand to look at it. It’s doing a timeout in the corner.

7. I used to have a labelmaker when I was little. Those plastic labels that get punched with white letters. You know what I’m talking about. Anyway I was TOTALLY INTO IT. Labeled everything. EVERYTHING. My mom made me take off labels from my dresser drawers. (“Just look inside instead of label.”) Anyway I was a big fan. I was very organized. I went to my friend’s office last night and there was a labelmaker and I labeled everything in their office with “suck.”

8. That is all! New computer dudes! I’m so stoked!

Posted March 6th, 2009 in food, lessons learned, technology | 4 Comments »

I’m so heartbroken.

I think my cottage cheese has turned, even though it doesn’t expire until tomorrow. Tomorrow! I’ve been cheated! I had at least 24 hours to enjoy this cottage cheese. But no. They said, actually, you cannot enjoy this because it tastes like feet. It also smells like feet. Ergo, it is feet. Gross. Cottage cheese is one of those things that people find disgusting. I think it is tasty. But not when it smells like feet. I’m so confused. What do I do? You know, life is really hard sometimes. Sometimes you can’t eat cottage cheese.

Sometimes eating is a huge chore. I find lunch for the most part to be a giant chore. This is why I want food pellets. Or an IV, but that is kind of too much work. Food pellets are fine. Rabbits and hamsters get food pellets. Cats and dogs have kibble, which is kind of like pellets. And they all seemed to enjoy those things. So, I would like to enjoy those things. Pellets. For human consumption. I don’t even need flavors. I want like no flavor. Just pellets.

I spilled an entire bottle of water into my boot. What is my boot not doing on my foot, you ask? Well I came into the office and thought wow my boots are bothering me. Let me take them off and put on little slippers I keep at the office. Oh yes, I do that. If I’m going to be working for the man, then at least I should be comfortable, you feel me? So I put my boots aside and that is when the bottle of water fell into the boot. Now the boot is wet. Now Annie is sad. Seriously, I don’t know what to do to stop spilling stuff.

Someone, cut off my hands.

Posted February 19th, 2009 in food, shame | 8 Comments »

Previous Next

Latest Tweets @annietown