My deepest thoughts, in a numbered list, below.
1. My co-worker and friend Brian Levinson was on Jeopardy and WON. Oh yes. We all watched it at Pete’s Candy Store in Willy, which is NOT a candy store, NO IT’S NOT A CANDY STORE STOP HOUNDING ME. Anyway congratulations to Brian! Bring home more cash monies and maybe your ass can finally buy me a cup of coffee you cheap bastard. I hate your guts. All of them. Even the bits of gut that everyone is like, what part is THAT from? WTF? Yeah, I hate that part too.
2. After Jeopardy was a quiz pub, also hosted by Brian, also at Pete’s Candy Store. We always lose so I’m not sure why I bother ever going, but I only go when Mike is in town from Hawaii, because that is how he rolls. Anyway I did NOT drink because the last time I got too drunk and left before 7. Oh yes, so this time I learned my lesson. Anyway I contributed to ONE answer and that was El Debarge. (The topic was “bands that have -bar in their names). It was the audio round. I was like El Debarge, holla. I hate myself.
3. I went to some fancypants writing/literati event last night at the new Enrique Norten building which is down the street from me. They say it’s on York but you and I both know it’s on Canal. You can’t give some other street name to a building that is SO CLEARLY on Canal, at the anus, if you will, of the Holland Tunnel. Anyway the building is meh, and I can’t say I’m a big fan of the colored LED lights in the lobby. It’s like being transported to an 80s disco. WHERE ARE MY FEATHERED BANGS? Anyway, that is NOT THE POINT. I am not a literati, but Aidan F-C is and works for a hoity toity (sp) “literary magazine.” I didn’t quite understand the event, but they asked famous/scenester writers to write a piece of flash fiction (Lewis Lapham, Jonathan Ames, Jonathan Lethem, Paul Haggis, AM Homes etc. and even Ernest Hemingway but he, unfortunately, was not at the party last night). Then they posted them on little boards and projected them against the building, which is nice. I dunno if it’s still up tonight, but it’s worth a look. Diesel and North vodka sponsored the event. i was so very very confused. I think it’s one big PR thing for Diesel and North and Norten. It made me a little nauseous. Anyway the pieces of fiction were great. And on the way up the elevator, I was standing next to AM Homes and the elevator ‘host’ was like well the bar is to your left and the flash fiction is to the right but I won’t tell anyone if you go straight to the left and I said, oh I’ll tell. I’ll totally tell. And then AM Homes said the same thing. So we are clearly the same person. Except she’s like waaay more successful. AM Homes if you are reading this, don’t you ever, ever steal my joke again or I’ll beat your little literati fancypants right up. JK JK JK, let’s be Facebook friendz LOLZ!
3. Marco is organizing speakers for a Nokia internal conference and asked me to speak. It’s in the Pecha Kucha style (20 slides, 20 seconds each slide) and I’ll be talking about what I’d do with the million dollars Nokia saves if the employees carpooled. I was thinking I’d buy 1 million 99 cent bags of Frito’s and then I’d have one million cents leftover so it’s like I’d be making money on the deal.
4. Uh, I need to go to the grocery store.