My name is Annie Choi and I am going to eat your brains. I will eat them with vigor. Consider yourself warned. I’m very hungry.

I’ve written a book called Happy Birthday or Whatever: Track Suits, Kim Chee, and Other Family Disasters (HarperCollins) and it’s out in stores now. Now! As in this very second. You can find it on the shelf next to Bill Clinton and Winston Churchill. My book is about how I want to mace the crap out of my family but also give them a hug. I am pretty sure Bill Clinton’s book is not about that.

What is the book about? That is a good question, I am sure glad you asked it.

Topics covered in Happy Birthday or Whatever include:

–how my mother forgot my birthday and then tried to convince me it was actually in September and not in August

–my father’s uncanny resemblance to the letter p

–why I look like Santa Claus’ maid

–a clock of The Last Supper on petrified wood

Still interested? You can read the first few pages here but you are probably better off ordering it on Amazon and reading the whole thing. Then you can be a winner and get on the express train to Hipville. Or you can not order it and ignore the whole thing. Listen, the choice is yours. I really like choices. Sometimes people will ask Coke or Pepsi and I will say Dr. Pepper.