A Collection of Scary Things
May I present to you a collection of scary things scraped from the Internet (though they are not as scary as the Internet can get). I hope you like The Three Stooges because now they are going to haunt you forever. Please enjoy!
True story: Once I bought all this…lady stuff…from Duane Reade. You know what I’m talking about. I’m talking about tampons. Because I am an adult lady who does adult lady things. I feel that we can just talk openly about this because, come on, this is not some kind of secret. People will tell you they went to India and shat out of their eyes, but if you get your period you are supposed to be all coy about it. Like tee hee, I’m doing “the lady thing” right now, so I’m going to skip spin class! (For the record, spinning is the last thing I ever want to do. I hate riding bikes–much less a bike that doesn’t fucking go anywhere–and I never, ever want to be yelled at to go faster.) Anyway, point is, I got lady stuff from Duane Reade and then the cashier said “Enjoy!” And I sort of looked at her and then the contents of my bag (tampons) and I said, “Uh, thanks?”
The point is that even though I’m telling you to “enjoy” what you’re about to see, I know in my heart of hearts that you will not enjoy this and will instead fear going to bed every night.
So thanks, and enjoy.