Before I had status and before I had a . . .
I found this while cleaning out my apartment. Yes, yes I have found A LOT OF STUFF while cleaning out my apartment. You’re probably wondering how I even store all this stuff in my 187 square foot crapbox. I’m not even sure, but if you open a box marked “2006,” you will discover that the year is off by 10.
I’m happy to report that THIS STILL WORKS. I mean, I can’t receive pages, but it turns on (like your mom last night). So now when I am on a plane and the bossy voice says “Turn off all cell phones and two-way pagers” and someone says “Who even HAS a pager anymore?” I can say, “YO THIS BALLER HAS A PAGER” and wave it around because that is what ballers do. Then I can continue to be a baller and follow federal rules and regulations by turning it off.
You can tell this pager lays down a heavy trip because of all the X’s in the name. EXPRESS XTRA FLX. Also it has a complicated relationship with the letter “e”. That is to say a love/hate one.