ATTENTION: MOUSE HAS BEEN CAUGHT. SUCCESS! IT IS THE ONLY SUCCESSFUL THING THAT HAS EVER HAPPENED IN MY LIFE.

TURNS OUT THAT THE MOUSE VERY MUCH ENJOYED ORGANIC PEANUT BUTTER FROM THE WHOLE FOODS WITH AN ORGANIC ROASTED WALNUT GARNISH. IT IS A VERY BOURGEOISIE MOUSE BECAUSE IT LIVES IN NEW YORK CITY, IN SOHO. WHAT I MEAN TO SAY IS THAT THIS MOUSE DOES NOT KEEP IT REAL IN THE STREETS. ACTUALLY, RIGHT BEFORE EATING ITS SNACK AND THEN DYING, IT WAS READING THE NEW YORKER AND COMPLAINING ABOUT THE WINE SELECTION IN MY APARTMENT. IT WAS JUST ABOUT TO WRITE A TUMBLR POST OF ANIMAL COLLECTIVE’S INSTALLATION AT THE GUGGENHEIM WHEN IT HAPPENED UPON THIS VERY DELICIOUS, VERY BOURGEOISIE LOCAVORE RAW ORGANIC SNACK AND THEN, GOT ITS NECK SNAPPED. I VERY MUCH DOUBT IT ENJOYED DYING. LISTEN. I DON’T FEEL BAD. I DON’T. SUE ME. NO I DARE YOU, EFFING SUE ME YOU CLOWNS. ALSO, I’M TOTALLY OVER THE NEW YORKER. I AM MORE OF A HARPER’S PERSON.

NOW, I SHALL SANITIZE MY ENTIRE APARTMENT. INCLUDING MY OVEN. MY OVEN, YOU GUYS, IT WAS IN MY EFFING OVEN!!!!

THEN, I SHALL RESUME writing blog posts in upper and lowercase so I can stop yelling at you. I’m sorry for yelling, I…just get so excited. And ragey.

VICTORY!

This entry was posted on Tuesday, March 9th, 2010 at 9:27 am and is filed under NYC, parlor tricks. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.