Toaster Update
Out of curiosity I googled “what to do if your toaster oven catches on fire” and then the first hit was a review of my fucking toaster oven on Amazon. Here are some quotes:
“The turd of toasters”
“Great way to burn down your house”
“Substandard product”
“Worst product ever, buy fire insurance”
“Expected better from Black and Decker”
These were all one star reviews. The average review was two stars, and it’s only because one asshole gave it four stars and killed the curve. Either way two star rating is pretty bad because it’s not like Amazon stars are like Michelin stars, you know what I mean? Fucking hot mitts and pot holders get 5 stars on that thing. You have to SUCK IT HARD to get low ratings. Seriously. I am a big fan of Amazon ratings by the way. I’d love to edit a book of awesome product reviews, but I’m pretty sure that book exists and I’m pretty sure no one read it.
The good news is that I bought this toaster for $20 at Target and it’s probably because they wanted to unload this garbage.
The other good news is that my apartment smells like a toaster oven.
The other good news is that I probably have to get a new toaster because I think this shit shorted out. This will be my second toaster oven in one year. My god. I mean I really love toast soo this is kind of heartbreaking. I feel like I lost a friend. A shitty, asshole friend who stole my money and broke all my dishes.
I laughed hard at “great way to burn down your house”.
Amazon reviews are great. My favorite of all time was a reviewer who claimed that Disney’s Lilo & Stitch was a propaganda piece designed to promote the homosexual agenda and destroy the traditional American family (as if there is such thing as traditional).
I always enjoy reading one-star reviews, too, but I was always covert about it because I thought there was something wrong with me. Like those discussion boards on news websites where an article about the Yankees winning the World Series yields about 20 meltdown & tantrum comments about whether or not God really exists. Sometimes seriously better than watching the E Channel.
Liam: I love product reviews. I should do product reviews of crap in my house that would be funny. I smell a blog post coming on.
Target will probably give you a refund, even without a receipt. Most stores will for a defective product. Plus, whatever happens will be funny when you blog about it.
Greetings from Pasadena!
Oh I love horrid product reviews. My favorite of ALL time were some I read about those Shower Soothers. You know, those things that look like hockey puck sized tums and are supposed to soothe you cold symptoms, but instead make you feel like your showering inside a giant cough drop…in a bad way.
One person said it burned her eyes so badly she would have rather stuck her hot curling iron directly onto her eyeballs than take another shower with one of them again. And while she was rubbing her eyes, she stepped on the thing in her fit of burning blindness, causing her to fall, and feel like she just melted her foot off. Because apparently it also stings like crazy if you step on it.
The only ones that made me laugh harder were the several…yes…several reviews telling people not to buy them because they tasted terrible, and made them even more sick. Yeah, cause the first thing I think to do when I see a giant blue hockey puck sized piece of chalk that says SHOWER on it, is stick it in my mouth.
i am just seeing this now and this is outrageous, we JUST bought that toaster!!! yeah no wonder it was on sale. black and decker should be ASHAMED. but i was just reading the cost-benefit analysis that led FORD to knowingly sell the firebomb car known as THE PINTO without any safety features. i guess nobody is going to sue over the toaster oven.
A few weeks ago I burned (severely dysfunctional) popcorn in the microwave at work and they had to evacuate the entire building. It’s a community college, so the ENTIRE COLLEGE is in that one building. I begged the secretary not to tell anyone that it was my fault. There was green smoke billowing from the kitchenette; the microwave was completely destroyed. I think they had to come in with Industrial Strength Febreze to get the smell out.
I hope you brought that toaster oven to Target’s customer service and also the toast that came with it and demanded a refund.