His best trick is forgetting to set the toaster-oven on BAKE, and then toasting the shit out of mini-pizzas that are then raw in the middle, but the cheeze has burned off all onto the insides of the toaster oven. This smells like shit, by the way.

Maybe you need a regular old toaster for your toast. It pops up; it doesn’t catch on fire.

“Who can take a nothing day, and suddenly make it all seem worthwhile? Well it’s you girl, and you should know it.”

You make burnt toast worthwhile and funny. You could write about reading the phone book and probably make me pee my pants.