I just made myself toast. I put bread in the toaster because that is how you make toast. Then the bread caught on fire inside the toaster oven. I am not sure how this happened. Like how does bread just spontaneously combust? I don’t understand, but here is what I understand: fire = bad in 90% of all places.

So, I freaked out and then opened the oven door to blow the flame out and then the toast caught on even MORE fire because remember that thing where you need fuel and oxygen to feed a fire? Well I just gave it a shitload of oxygen so then it was like a raging campfire inside my toaster oven. So I freaked out and then closed the oven door in order to cut off oxygen, but I guess the oven door does not create an airtight seal. So it was just on fire for like EVER. So I contemplated throwing the entire thing in the bathtub, but eventually opened the oven door again and blew it out. For a splitsecond I had this vision of my apartment catching on fire, and you know what I thought? Oh man I am so glad I have renter’s insurance and also, I really want toast. Seriously, that is what I thought.

So the question is, who wants toast? Plenty for everyone, don’t be shy. You can get it with butter, peanut butter, or fruit jam (”Fruits of the Forest” flavor, whatever that is. It’s one of those flavors you are like WTF, I better get this shit because it sounds hilarious and possibly delicious. But it’s actually just a mix of berries, but I guess they didn’t want to call it “Mixed Berries” because that obviously doesn’t sound sexy at all. I mean would you rather get Fruits of the Forest or Mixed Berries? I rest my case.)

There’s more where that came from.

Also, do you think I should try toasting again? I cannot believe I messed up toast. That’s hard to do. Like advanced idiocy.

This entry was posted on Thursday, November 12th, 2009 at 12:10 pm and is filed under WTF, food. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.