ON FIRE!
I am sick. I don’t know if I have swine flu, but I do know that my throat feels like it has gonorrhea. That means I have all the drawbacks of gonorrhea without any of the fun that gave it to me in the first place. Har har har. So maybe I don’t have swine flu, but something just as bad. Seriously, I’m a wreck. Last night I busted out MY WINTER COAT. You know, the puffy one–the one that looks like a sleeping bag except it has sleeves– because I was FREEZING. And then, like twenty minutes later, I stripped down to t shirt and shorts and I broke out in a sweat. My entire body feels sore, arms, legs, back, neck, EVERYTHING. Like my ASS is sore, people. How does your ASS get sore when you have a cold? It doesn’t even make sense. If any of you are doctors or nurses, please let me know. Also give me drugs. Make this all go away.
The sore throat thing is a real bummer because it prevents me from eating, something I enjoy doing and do often. Now I’m drinking juice and eating oatmeal. Which is fine for a snack. But I really want some kind of something with melted cheese on it. Cheese? Delicious. MELTED CHEESE? Even better. Why do you think that is? I don’t know. Bah. I hurt, guys. I really hurt.
I’m pretty sure I got sick from going to Ikea. That place is like death. The good news is that I have a new pillow and a bunch of crap I don’t need.
IKEA gave me ringworm. True story.
Grilled cheese is the shit.
Hope you feel better soon! My sickness remedy is lots of Cold-Eez and Halls Naturals with Honey. And possibly nasal drops if I can’t breathe and Alka Seltzer cold/cough/flu/plague capsules.
I turn into a walking pharmacy when I get sick because I’m such a pansy. I hate being sick.
You have the flu my friend. Get to a doc-tor (I’m pronouncing that like my Filipina mother-in-law). There’s this stuff called Tamiflu a doctor can give you – supposedly reduces the duration and severity of symptoms. Sleep. Fluids. Vit. C. Jewish chicken soup (Gentile chicken soup just doesn’t work as well). I hope you’re feeling better soon!
Steen: SERIOUSLY!!!! FUCKIGN DISGUSTING!!!!!!!!!!! OMG I like Alka Seltzer cold flu cuz it works super fast. But it does nothign for the raging sore throat I have.
Ms. Biz: I think I have to technically wait until tomorrow to see doctor. That means 72 hours of same symptoms that are not getting better? I hate going. Mostly cuz she’s far away and getting there’s a real drag.
get a flu shot