Paris and Berlin!
Yours truly is going to PARIS AND BERLIN omfggggblarrgghhhh! Over Thanksgiving. I have like, ten million miles on American and decided to CASH THAT SHIT IN and be a total winner. In addition, I will hopefully go to Hawaii in January to visit Mr. Pony, ALSO ON MY MILES. CASH IT, beeyorch! (Pony, I expect all my meals to come in a coconut, even though I’m allergic. I like the festive nature of coconuts.) This is going to be good.
So, friends, you are all jet-setting individuals. You have active passports, and if your passport is like mine, you look like a foot soldier of a drug cartel. I need some kind of hotel situation for Paris. I would LIKE to pay less than 100 euros, though, I do not want to get gonorrhea from the sheets. Ideally we’re talking 80 euro range. Ideally I would also like the shower/WC to be IN the room because, you know what? I’m a grown-up. I want the grown-up things that grown-ups get and deserve. But I do not want to pay grown-up prices, because money does not grow on trees, which is something only a grown-up would say. But there you have it.
I found a hotel that is in that range and the reviews are SO mixed I don’t know if I want to RISK IT. In its reviews the words “SCAM” and “CLEAN” and “GREAT LOCATION” and “NEVER GOING BACK” are all used. Confusion! I am a woman of RISK, yes, and a woman of ADVENTURE and perhaps MYSTERY, but I rather not get gonorrhea from the sheets. I rather get gonorrhea the old-fashioned way. By riding BART. WTF, San Francisco? Upholstery AND carpet on public transportation? Shame on you. I was considering renting an apartment in Paris, but that seems riské too. Listen, I don’t know French so I do not know how to spell Frahnch words like riské. Risque? Hahah Lobster Risque.
I would also, of course, love to hear your recommendations in the Paris and Berlin area, including vittles, shopping, and BEER and WINE and other grown-up things. I think I will eat my way across Paris. It’s going to be disgusting. I will disgust myself.
So thank you friends. And also? I’m going to Paris! Berlin!