Recommendations! Kind of.
I’m leaving for Canada on Saturday. I believe it’s what the common people call “vacation” but what Canadians just call it “going home”. Anyway, I did this last year, if you recall. I am told that Canada has Internet access, which surprises me because it really seemed like a country full of heathens who can’t tie their own shoes. But listen, I was wrong. Canadians can tie their own shoes. Sometimes, I’m wrong.
Anyway, Canada will be filled with all kinds of outdoor activities. Some of these activities include running away from bears. Other activities involve getting into something called a “kayak” and looking for beavers. Heh. Beavers. Kayak is the sound I make when I karate chop someone. FYI.
So I’m trying to get together some books for my trip. There’ll be a lot of reading because I think the weather is going to be BUTT. Anyway, I go on B&N website to get some fly books and then I start seeing the “recommendations”. Dude.
HERE ARE SOME EXAMPLES:
If you like Thomas Pynchon, you may like DEAN KOONTZ!
If you like Thomas Bernhard’s the Old Masters, you may like TWILIGHT!
If you like War and Peace, you may like ANGELS & DEMONS!
Dude. I don’t even want to live anymore.
From Wiki, with edits so it doesn’t read like a 7th grade book report:
Thomas Bernhard: Austrian playwright and novelist. He is widely considered to be one of the most important German-speaking authors of the postwar era. His main protagonists, often scholars or, as he calls them, Geistesmenschen, denounce everything that matters to the Austrian in tirades against the “stupid populace”. His work also continually deals with the isolation and self-destruction of people striving for an unreachable perfection, since this same perfection would mean stagnancy and therefore death.
HOW IS BERNHARD LIKE TWILIGHT, SOMEONE TELL ME. When I read Bernhard, I think, OMG I love this book because it has hot and sexy vampires that can go out during the day and sparkle. NEIN NEIN NEIN.
Thomas Pynchon: American novelist based in New York City and noted for his dense and complex works of fiction. Pynchon is a MacArthur Fellow (my note: GENIUS AWARD PEOPLE) and a recipient of the National Book Award, and is regularly cited as a contender for the Nobel Prize in Literature. Both his fiction and non-fiction writings encompass a vast array of subject matter, styles and themes, including (but not limited to) the fields of history, science, human sexuality, and mathematics. (MATHEMATICS PEOPLE).
HOW IS PYNCHON LIKE DEAN KOONTZ?
Dean Koontz wrote a book called Ticktock. He wrote Demon Seed. There’s also a book called Mr. Murder, which sounds funny but I am sure it’s not supposed to be. (”No sir, that’s MR. Murder to you!”) I’m not knocking this dude. Like, if you want to read the Koontz, do it up! Read it! Watch it when it becomes a movie starring Ben Affleck. But Pynchon and Koontz? You’d think the B&N robot could figure out different genres. Murder mystery thriller versus 500 page books that might possibly make no sense and chock filled with Po-Mo stuffed in a beret.
I don’t really like Pynchon and I don’t really like Koontz. I kind of like Ben Affleck, I guess. But I’ll read Pynchon’s new one. I’ll probably watch Affleck’s new one too.
it could’ve been some nerdy punk who just placed those books there.
because whenever my boyfriend and i go to B&N, we always put those books that are meant to “spice up” your sex life (with 5,000 new positions! but it’s really just porn) behind children’s books. aren’t we clever?!
Thomas Pynchon cannot even be compared to ANYBODY because he is fabulous and weird and I did my whole freakin thesis on him and it made me so depressed and anxious.
The Twilight thing though- funny. I’m ashamed to admit that I read them (all) and am obsessed by them (all.)
And I call myself a lit. major.
(This made me laugh. Write every day, damnit!)
When my boyfriend goes camping in the BWCA (Boundary Waters Canoe Area) in MN, he takes a bottle of scotch per day of camping. Yes, really. If you are going to be outdoors with kayaks, beavers and bears - you will need some sort of liquor and a hat - like this:
http://www.mcphee.com/items/M6177.html
Wow. B&N is really trying to pimp their NY Times Bestsellers, aren’t they?
I don’t know what kind of books you’re into but some of my favorite books/authors are:
- Chuck Palahniuk. Off-beat, totally weird, yet humorous. “Invisible Monsters” is probably my favorite that I’ve read so far.
- The Codex Alera books by Jim Butcher for a little sci-fi/fantasy.
- “Kitchen Confidential” by Anthony Bourdain, before he was That Dude On TV.
- “Anpao: An American Indian Odyssey” by Jamake Highwater. Kind of trippy Native American coming-of-age book.
- “Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep?” by Phillip K. Dick
- The Discworld books by Terry Pratchett
- Jen Lancaster’s books
- “House of Leaves” by Mark Danielewski. Freaky, a little scary, kind of long, totally worth it.
- “Waiter Rant” by Steve Dublanica
- Christopher Moore’s books
And, um, that’s all I can think of off the top of my head.
I’m a bit of a bookworm.
WOW, that trip to Canada sure sounds like something that will broaden your horizons. Something that’s a little amazing about Canada is that everything is metric. I remember learning about the metric system in chemistry class, but this is an entire country that measures everything differently than us. That’s the sort of thing you can read in a book but only truely learn by actually going there.
Comparing Pynchon to Koontz is like trying to draw parallels between Free Jazz and Ukrainian Polka music. They’re both music, but that’s about where it stops. Whoever made that recommendation needs to read more. A lot more.