Twitter is totally ruining my blogging. There was even a story on it, somewhere, about how blog entries are ‘down’, not to say that people are totes “down” with the blogging, but people are not blogging as much as they used to and perhaps not “down” with it anymore. But, Twittering is “up”. But fear not, friends, I will make more of an effort. Kind of. I will make AN effort. Whether that’s more or less effort is subjective.
Over the weekend I visited Charleston, but not the Charleston you are thinking. This is the one in West Virginia. WEST Virginia. That’s the Virginia to the west of the Virginia that everyone knows. Hence, West Virginia. The most northern of the southern states, the most southern of the northern states, the most western of the eastern states, and the most eastern of the western states. I’m not sure if I agree with that last part, but you kind of have to say it because of the parallel construction.
Anyway here is what I learned:
1. It is SO green. Oh good god, it’s so green there. It’s fecund. FECUND, people. So fecund. Very, very, very pretty. Seriously, it’s like why haven’t people completely ruined that place? I mean they have with strip mining and chopping off the top of mountains to put in Walmarts, but I mean I’m surprised people haven’t ruined it even more. I guess what I’m trying to say is that there’s still a lot more to ruin!
2. People do not play the saw and drink moonshine out of clay jugs with XXX on them. They do not play the washboard either. They wear shoes. They apparently have the last names of Samples or Means. Not the Hatfields and the McCoys, as the story/poem might lead you to believe. You know, for a long time I thought James Hetfield of Metallica’s last name was Hatfield and all I could think was him shredding across the holler and the crick to rock the pants off the McCoys. That story would be so much more awesomer with Metallica.
3. Jomo’s friend knows a guy who makes moonshine and he swears it will cure any cold. It’s like 170 proof or something insane. It’s more alcoholic than rubbing alcohol. I think when you open the bottle all of it evaporates. So the moonshine part of Point #2 above is kind of true. The dude apparently buys like 200 lbs of sugar, bags of corn feed, and has a little distiller thingy he got on Ebay. Apparently you can do this all at home, as long as you have 200 lbs of sugar and enormous amounts of corn feed and a PayPal account. This is sadly off limits for me since Food Emporium doesn’t carry corn feed. Yeah I know, I was surprised too. I went to aisle 4, which is where they have all the grains, and corn feed was not there. So to all the people out there who say “you can get anything you want in NYC,” you are totally lying. Go look for corn feed and get back to me. Anyway, I think making moonshine is illegal? I dunno. Seems like it would be legal in West Virginia though. They don’t seem that uptight about that kind of stuff.
4. I saw a lot of ‘wildlife’ there. Frog, deer, TURKEYS, and this guy. CHECK OUT HOW RAD THIS IS.
It was cold chillin’ on the Morrison lawn. I put “lawn” lightly. It’s more like a compound.
Seriously though, how cute is this thing? It seems unfair that we don’t have shells. I’d love to have a shell. Sure it’d be heavy, but man I’d be so stoked and safe. Like oh? You WANNA HIT ME, BRO? I DARE you. Shells should be Humans 2.0.
I don’t have pictures of turkeys but they had little bebes that were super cute. Turkeys! They are oddly cute in a totally ugly and cute way. Way cuter than a pug. I also saw a lot of lightening bugs, which I know are everywhere, but guess what? They’re not in NYC and they’re not in the SAN FERNANDO VALLEY where I grew up, so everyone shut it. Everytime I see them I think, man this is CRAZY. You are LIGHTING UP. So that brings me to Humans 2.0 part II: lights. Also prehensile tails. So handy. It is stupid we have evolved our tails out. We need to retro-volve. RETROVOLUTION.
Special thanks to the Morrisons for hosting! Special thanks to beer!
