There are pigeons roosting on my fire escape. They are calling to each other, and now there’s a dude pigeon trying to get with the lady pigeon and doing the sexy dance. They are going to do it–ON MY FIRE ESCAPE–and then spawn disgusting mini-flying-rats. This is completely unacceptable. I’ve been batting them away and telling them to “take it somewhere else, you filthy animals” but then they come back to flaunt it in my face. They’re giving me bird flu, I can feel it. BIRD FLU do you understand? BIRD FLU is BULLSHIT.

There are feathers stuck to my screen. Bird poop everywhere. Pigeons smell bad. In New York City, they take baths in the gutter and you’re like dude, wtf is wrong with you, pigeon? I am positive in their nests you can find syringes and toenail clippings and pubes. Oh yes. Anyway, the big problem is that they are very noisy. They coo to call to each other and when they are trying to get all sexy they coo really loudly. Right now the lady pigeon is like not having any of it, but the dude pigeon is very persistent so by the end of the week they are going to be going steady and by the end of next week they will be doing the nasty and getting it on. And in just a few weeks there will be pigeon spawn. Oh my FIRE ESCAPE. If there is a fire, I’m going to get really mad if I slip on some bird poop and break my hip, this is what I’m thinking.

Anyway, I’m not sure what to do. I do not like pigeons. I especially do not like sexy pigeons.

This entry was posted on Tuesday, April 21st, 2009 at 10:05 am and is filed under NYC, nature. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.