Love Your Boobies

I’m here blogging live from Beth Israel Hospital where my friend is getting a lumpectomy. That is when they feel your boobies and say hey there’s something not right about your boobies. They are a nice size and shape and whatnot but there’s something a little strange. Oh look at this! It is a “mass” but let’s call it a lump because it’s cuter and not as scary. (Why not call it Henry or James or even Henry James since he was a big fan of boobies? I don’t know.) So now they are removing Henry James which is good because quite frankly, he was a real prick. There I said it. We got here at the ass crack of dawn, at the hour when the only people on the train are constructuon workers going to work to build homes and homeless people who will not be living in said homes.

Anyway now she is inside going sleepy time and I am in this waiting room with three other people who are also sleepy time. One has his mouth gaping open. I’m trying to resist throwing pennies into it like a fountain.

An aside: Au Bon Pain has really shitty coffee. It’s like light brown tepid water which might come out of my faucet.

Anyway the point is this: if you are a girl and have boobies, as girls most likely do, check your boobies for Henry James. The guy is a dickface. The kind of bro who will show up to your place uninvited and eat all your cereal. Do you like cereal? Yes? Ok then check your boobies. Done and done.

7 comments
  1. VK says: January 14, 200911:35 am

    Hopes of good Luck for your friend.

  2. alice says: January 14, 200911:35 am

    ok, this is the best breast cancer prevention advice I’ve ever read. :)

    All the best for your friend.

  3. jon says: January 14, 20092:19 pm

    And if ever this writing thang doesn’t pan out, you should consider a career in BOOBIEBESTfriending.

    Snap, Crackle, Pop’n Wishes to your friend.

  4. Ms. Bizarro says: January 14, 20096:26 pm

    The cereal comment needs to have a milk comment attached to it, since we are talking about boobies after all.

    Best wishes for healthy boobies to your friend.

  5. Ramon says: January 15, 200910:52 am

    I have no love for Henry James,but I will gladly search for him most diligently on any girl who requires this type of service. Just sayin…

  6. annie says: January 15, 200912:01 pm

    VK: Thanks, the surgery went well. She is now at home watching bad movies.

    Alice: Thanks! CHECK YOUR BOOBIES.

    Jon: Thanks! She’s doing well. It’s just good to get it out of her I think.

    Ms. Biz: I did buy her milk yesterday. Also her doctor signed her boob, which was weird. But I guess that’s so they make sure they operate on the right boob. But she woke up and was like omg, someone signed my boob. I was like, you had a good night.

    Ramon: I knew someone would say something to that effect.

  7. Ramon says: January 16, 20099:04 am

    I aim to please madame

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