Twilight: A review
So Karina gave me the first Twilight book. Everyone in the office is reading it. And when I mean everyone, I mean all the girls, and when I mean all the girls, I mean all the girls in my department. Which is to say, four of them. So like four people are reading it in my office. That constitutes everyone. Anyway I read the first few pages and I was like holy crap, this is poorly written. Like, it astonished me, possibly offended me. How can something be this bad? I mean it’s grammatically all there, subject, verb, object, etc. But it is all poop. I mean if it said Poop poop poop, poop poop. Poop! it would’ve been better, and possibly make more sense. So after the fourth page I was like, dude, do I really want to finish this? It’s like a thousand pages long and if each page is written like this then this is going to SUCKKKKKKKKK. With extra k’s and everything. Plus these vampires are out during the DAY? Really? They’re not vampires then. They’re just pale people going to high school, big L for LAME and why don’t I just read some VC Andrews at least that has flowers and an attic. And incest. But then I soldiered on.
And then, suddenly, it was 4:30 in the morning.
So what am I saying here? Is it a good book? Not really. Is it totally addictive and outrageously lame and trashy? Yes. Did I love it? Yes. Do I hate myself for it? Oh yes. Do I want to read the rest? Yes? Am I scared about it? Yes. I just realized there are FOUR BOOKS in this goddamn series. FOUR. Each one is like a million pages. Ugh. Now it’s like another relationship I have to maintain in my life. A commitment, if you will. I want to be free. I want to see other books. I want it to be open. But no. Twilight is like your ass is mine, bitch. Don’t you even LOOK At Steven Millhauser or I will beat you and your mother.
Anyway, what I’m trying to say here is that Twilight is like the deep fried appetizer sampler where you get fries, mozzarella sticks, zucchini, and an awesome blossom for like $7.99 with unlimited salad and breadsticks, you know what I mean?