Oh! Also!
The temperature is 17 degrees F (which is 8.33333 degrees C) outside.
But let us focus our attention on the inside. After all, the inside is what counts, right?
My apartment does not have heat. I’m going to guess that it’s about 30 degrees in here.
I do not know why it does not have heat. But this morning, in the bathroom, I think I saw my breath.
I have called the landlord. He is “on vacation.” I called the emergency number. I left a message. I LEFT A MESSAGE FOR EMERGENCY. That’s great. It’s like calling 911 and them being like “Hey can’t come to the phone right now! Leave a message!”
I am wearing a down jacket. And Pikachu slippers that are like wearing stuffed animals on my feet and make me walk funny because the ears are so big and slam into each other when I walk. I never wear them because they make me walk funny but also because my apartment is so small and has no floor space I really don’t need slippers to walk around in. It’s not like I can say, hmmm I wonder what’s going on in that other room! Let me walk there to find out! Point is, I’m freezing and I’m sitting on this aluminum chair.
You’ll find after some time that if you see your breath before you rise in the morning, you’ll have a devil of a time getting out of bed. You could wear a long, fur-lined parka through the night, then crank your oven to 637 degrees and run the shower on ‘burn the baby’ hot…or…you could remember what dear ol’ Willy Wonka said, something, something, something, “…liquor is quicker.” A shot and a half of fine Irish whisky set just out of bed’s reach will act as liquid initiative. Good morning!
It’s cold in Florida today — 58 degrees. And we have sweaters! And gloves! And heavy coats!
But tomorrow is back in the 70s.
Um. I mean.
Uhhh. Wish you were here!
Mind you, I haven’t seen the lab results yet Annie, but based on your post, I’m willing to rule out your compartment as the root source of Global Warming…but, I have also moved it up on the list of probable cause for the likely return of the Ice Age.
PS: It’s time to get cozy.
It’s always cold in my room. Of course, i was the one who chose to take the basement suite, in a house in Calgary.Right now i’m sitting in a very comfy recliner, on a comforter, under a different comforter, and with my feet sticking out the bottom, resting in front of a strategically placed miniheater.
i also have tu turn my TV up pretty loud, because, get this, the furnace, which is running right now, is DIRECTLY behind me.
Feel better, Annie! Think warm thoughts, and i hope your heat is restored soon!
Onichan
/nothing brings people together like a mutual complaint
Annie,
Landlord? Emergency number? Better to have called your large-faced Nobel-Prize-Winning internet-developing jive-shuckin’ Uncle Al. Uncle Gore might be able to explain to you that what you’re feeling (extreme cold) is actually something else. It’s called “change”, Annie. As in: Climate Change? (You probably missed the subtle transition from “Global Warming” to “Climate Change”, but that happened over a weekend, so don’t feel bad.) What you should feel bad about is that you, Annie Choi, are personally to blame for your own impending icy death because of your lavish, opulent, wasteful lifestyle; one room apartment, indeed! Do you know, that in 98% of the world, a space as large as the one you inhabit would support four large families AND their oxen? It’s true! Don’t say it isn’t, or I will continue to say it IS true until you feel woozy and dizzy and agree. After all, only a crazy person would continue to say something that wasn’t true over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over, right?
Sell me the chair Annie, zrzly, sell it
When the landlord is back from vacation, tell him you won’t be paying rent for the days in which the heat was off and you froze your butt to an aluminum chair.
Weren’t you looking for a new apartment anyway?
Joking aside, I hope you can get some service on the heat situation. It is balls cold outside and it’s the 21st century, so no one should be without heat.
That sucks. My heat was off almost the entire Winter last year, and it was terrible. At about the same time my fridge broke, so to keep things cold, I’d leave them out on the counter – and to keep things warm, I’d keep them in the fridge. I wish I was kidding.
Something I learned, however, is that it’s actually illegal in New York for a landlord to not provide heat to his tenants. It’s against the law. So leave that little tidbit on your landlord’s voicemail and see what happens. It got MY landlord to fly back from his house in Morocco, so hopefully it’ll work some magic for you too.