Cash Mouth
I went to the dentist yesterday about my toof. Turns out I needed a crown. Turns out this little crown costs EIGHT HUNDRED UNITED STATES DOLLARS. This is WITH insurance. WITH!!! I was like just pull the whole thing out and my dentist laughed and I was like no really, I’m serious and he was like no really, it’s eight hundred. If you want you can pay for half now.
Great. How convenient. Pay FOUR HUNDRED now and in two weeks pay another FOUR HUNDRED. Because in just two weeks my entire financial situation will change! In two weeks I’ll be all, ONLY four hundred? Shit, I could pay you NINE HUNDRED just because you’re such a nice guy. So anyway, what am I gonna do? Put it on the card.
So then he was like it’s probably time to replace this old silver filling you have in the back because there might be a cavity under there it’s hard to say, and since you are already Novacained up, I can go ahead and replace it. (I got that thing when I was like seven). And I’m like shit but that’s another THREE HUNDRED! I have to WAIT. Or else I’ll be pouring my entire paycheck into my mouth, and yet somehow NOT in my stomach which is where it usually goes (I eat a lot for a small person) or to my APT which is where it SHOULD go.
So now I have a temporary crown and my mouth and gums are kind of sore. They took a molar, grinded it down to a little nub and then put a fake crown on top of it while the real thing gets cast in porcelain or whatever. I haven’t felt like eating, which is really sad. I am an eating machine! I am always hungry. The first thing out of my mouth is almost always: dude, you hungry? I dunno I require more food than most humans. It’s because RAGING is energy-intensive. Or I’m just grossly inefficient at processing food, like a panda. Anyway I can’t chew on my left side so only the right side of my mouth will be having Thanksgiving dinner. I’m going to Perry Street. It will be douchetastic and “pretensh” but delicious (for the right side at least).
Yay and boo.
IT’S NOT FAIR!….new crownz don’t have any curb appeal
Does anyone notice anything $900 different about me????…..Lately…..Above the Neck…Nope!
Have A Merry Thanksgiving Dinner …be sure to chooz with your mouth open to show off your new extended paymentz.
Maybe you should mortgage your mouth and use the monies to pay for foodstuffs and things for your apartment.
tha is a good question, can you ask to mortgage parts of your body? Id totally do it. At the office they called me already “ONE KIDNEY BOY”, so if I could get cash for that woudl be awesome.
Dude, you should have come to Vancouver and had the work done here. Even without insurance it would have cost less than $800, plus our money is worth less than yours. Though I guess crowns take a while to do.
Your mouth may need a “bail out.” Anyways, you have inspired me to take better care of my teeth so I don’t need a crown anytime soon. Thanks Annie. Keep teaching us through your mishaps.
haha j/k
>_<
i’m going to the dentist today, to get that cleaned-by-a-professional feeling that is so delicious but lasts about half a day, until i eat another vanilla slice. Annie, you will hate me, but i don’t pay for the dentist because my partner’s mother is a nurse at the clinic. the downside of that is that her colleagues get to see just how badly i look after my teeth. no doubt they report this in full to her and she is already plotting how to prevent me marrying into the family.
hmm…i have a crown. cost about the same except my new dentist said there’s a new technology now, which is after two months after i had the crown and then recommended me to replace it with this new type of ‘better’ crown which is like $800. he’s like it’s like driving a porsche instead of a hyundai. guess i’ll be driving a hyundai for a while. i’ll keep that monies to pay the loan for my REAL porsche instead.
Dude, the same thing happened to me with the $800 crown BS. They let me make payments, but let me tell you those f*ckrs were all over my shit if I was 10 minutes late with a payment. It took me a couple years to pay off that crown. Good luck!
Maybe you can try to convince the government that your mouth is a bank and get a bailout?