Everything is Better in Hawaii
Mike lives in Hawaii. Hawaii is a magical place. Yesterday, we had a meeting. Mike was “there.” I say “there” because he was actually “there,” but in a very virtual fashion. He was trapped inside of a laptop. His head took up the whole screen. When you see Mike in real life, his head is very large. It’s larger than a laptop screen, in fact. But somehow through a complex combination of magic and technology, Mike managed to fit his head inside of the computer. Throughout the meeting I kept on hearing tropical birds in the background. They were taunting me. Oh yeah, chirp chirp, we come in colors other than brown and gray. Chirp chirp. DO YOU WANT A PINEAPPLE? OH YEAH? WELL TOO BAD YOU CITY PRICK. Seriously though, the birds were very loud. Some suit at the meeting asked where Mike was and he said, “out of state.” Someone in the room said “out of the country,” to which I laughed but then remembered that sometimes people forget that Hawaii is a state. It really shouldn’t “belong” to the U.S. it’s disorienting. All I can say is if I lived in Hawaii I’d be telling everyone and their mom. OH YOU LIVE IN NEW YORK? THAT MUST BE NICE BECAUSE I LIVE IN HAWAII. I’M SORRY I CAN’T HEAR YOU THE WATERFALLS ARE JUST TOO LOUD. YOU KNOW WHAT’S A DRAG? I AM ALLERGIC TO COCONUTS. THERE ARE COCONUTS EVERYWHERE. LIFE IS HARD HERE IN HAWAII.
So then I was thinking that in Hawaii, everything comes with an umbrella. I drew a picture for Mike. I am going to share this picture with you. Keep in mind that I write for a living. If I could draw, I would draw for a living. There is a reason why I do not draw for a living.
Oh yeah, well here’s how you get to work!
I’m sure that living in Hawaii gets old, dude. And besides – we live in New York! The greatest city in the world! Does Hawaii have a Times Square? Does Hawaii have The MOMA? Does Hawaii have the stinking smell of hobo piss saturating the air of every single place you go? I REST MY CASE.
Also, that milk suuuure looks a lot like bleach. You’re not putting bleach on your cereal, are you?
EVERYthing tastes better with an umbrella…including Annie’s drawings.
Writing [and drawing] are like prostitution. First you do it for love, and then for a few close friends, and then for money. – Moliere et al
Mr.P: and it’s how spiderman rolls too.
Aaron: but Hawaii bills itself as the greatest volcano in the world, has more than 30 rocks and dee best place to get “lei’d”. NYC + Hawaii = GREATsqd.
Pony: Fucking awesome. I love the cowabunga hand though you keep telling me it’s supposed to be The Finger, but really. Hang 10.
Aaron: Maybe you are cleaning stuff with milk. It really does get stains out.
Jon: I’m not sure if anyone would want to PAY me to draw. They barely pay me to write you know what I mean?
My dream before I die is to surf in Hawaii. Also, Tiki mugs are the shit in my world (that means I love them) even though I know they are a bastardization of ancient Polynesian cultures. I blog about Tiki. A lot.
you get money at my office for those drawings. Actual directors draw worst than that and the are f..ing loaded
Ms. Biz: I love tiki mugs. I wish I had more space for tiki stuff. I would make my apartment an island getaway. Island of Manhattan, obvi.
Pedro: Man, I am in the wrong business. Or right one. Hard to say.