Das Marmotten
I’d like to introduce you to my new friend. It is a marmot. Which is like a lemming or a shrew. Except it’s a marmot. This one happens to live in the Swiss Alps, of Switzerland. You know, the country that looks like a melting scoop of ice cream, not to be confused with Sweden, the country that kind of looks like a flaccid penis-rod. When I was little I got Switzerland and Sweden confused. Listen, I’m not proud of that, but I just thought I should be honest and open about it. Give me a break, I was eight. On a slightly related note, there is a new Swiss restaurant in my neighborhood and from what I gather, it only serves schnitzel. For those of you who like schnitzel, this is your jam. For those of you who don’t, then it is like a big finger to you. The one between the index and the ring finger, if you have to ask. Anyway this restaurant happens to be in the space, I believe, that used to be a club where a girl got stabbed to death by the bouncer. Or maybe she was shot. I don’t remember. Either way now it is a Swiss restaurant, I think. Back to the story.
Aura and her sister Andrea gave this marmot to me. They were in Switzerland and they were like WAIT, WAIT DO YOU SEE THAT? WE HAVE TO GET IT FOR ANNIE. As you can see this marmot, which I have named Das Marmotten because I’m guessing that means The Marmot in Swiss German (Marco, am I right?), has an accordion. Please think about the last time you saw a marmot holding an accordion. Right, you have NEVER seen that! It’s magic, right? Magical shit happens in Switzerland I’m telling you. Anyway this marmot is not just any marmot, it also DOUBLES AS A KEYCHAIN. OH WHERE ARE MY KEYS I CANNOT FIND THEM IN MY BAG, OH LOOK HERE THEY ARE ATTACHED TO THIS MARMOT. Or maybe HAVE YOU GUYS SEEN MY KEYS IT HAS A GIGANTIC MARMOT ON IT. It’s bigger than my hand. There is no way in hell I would lose my keys.
But wait! Wait! There’s more! It PLAYS MUSIC. It plays beautiful, beautiful accordion music that is so beautiful. And now, with my iPhone, I can play it for you. Click here to listen. If you are at the office, I suggest you CRANK THAT SHIT TO 11 AND ROCK OUT. Dancing shoes are highly recommended.
Thanks Aura and Andrea!!!!!! Holy crap!
Oh thank you iphone! Because of your coolness, I can hear the mystical tune of das marmot!
Ahh, my swiss father is in love with that restaurant with all its swissness he feels a home. I’m not sure however that he was ever lucky enough to have his very own stuffed marmot keychain. Since my swiss german is a tad rusty I was curious what marmot actually is in german (no offense)… apparently if you sleep like a log, you’re really sleeping like a marmot. See for yourself.. http://dict.leo.org/ende?lp=ende&p=wlqAU.&search=Murmeltier
Das Marmotten Freund Not!
By no means are marmots confined to the milk chocolatey regions of Europe. A few years ago I camped in on the grounds in Sequoia’s. A sneaky damn nocturnal marmot, silenced his accordion long enough to chew thru my radiator hose, leaving me barely enough coolant to get back to civilization. Apparently the marmot’s toothy aggression is well documented.
http://findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_m1169/is_/ai_89436287
Marmots are also credited with transmitting numerous coughing ailments to humans. I’m quite sure they would not think twice about snacking on Annie’s entire wad of keys.
Andrea loved her shout-out. She was like, all conceited about it all day and kind of unbearable. You’d be like, “Hey, want a coffee?” and she’d say, “Whatever. Did you know Annie wrote about me on her blog?” And then my dad would be like what? What blog? what’s a blog? and then we’d have to explain the internets to him. And then Andrea would be like, “And I’m famous on it because Annie wrote about me. Annie likes me best. Annie thinks I’m awesome. Annie wants to be my bff 4-eva.
That is so, so beaufiful. You are lucky, your corner of New York has been transformed into Switzerland with polka and schnitzel, and soon, snow. You can even get Lindt chocolate and Swiss Miss and a Swiss army knife for the real experience. You will never have to waste money one expensive plane tickets and baggage fees. You won’t have jet lag and you won’t even have to learn German. And, if you want to ski, I think the top of the Citigroup building is a ski slope. I do now know for sure, I am not from New York.
You should donate that Marmot keychain to the Swiss restaurant in your neighborhood – it would be the perfect Bathroom Key.
We want to see you do more iPhone tricks! And by “we” I mean “me” and “everyone else who thinks like me, which is the only right way to think”.
Ah, it takes me back to the joyous days of nannying in said Switzerland, Where I saw a dude, standing in a parking lot, playing the alpenhorn. In lederhosen.
The fond memories of my time in indentured servitude……..
More magical things happening in Switzerland: George Clooney is the spokesman for Nespresso. So everywhere you go, giant posters of Clooney with a Nespresso machine. Does it get any better than that?
Ramon: Yes and I apologize for that.
Alexandra: Marmotten are das cool. I would like a live one living in my pocket. They are like hamsters but somehow, just somehow cuter. Esp with the lederhosen.
Jon: I feel like marmots are smarter lemmings, but I dont’ know why.
Aura: Aw thanks for hte keychain you two! Hours and hours of the most annoying fun ever.
Craig: Skiing on top of a bldg in NYC would probably be the worst thing for me. The last time I skiied I had to go to the emergency room. I can barely deal with hard land. hard land that’s slippery? Forget about it.
Aaron: My bathroom key has a donut on it.
Renato: Yeah that’s all I know really.
amy: Was it one of the Ricola guys? They are xxxhotxxx.
Aura: Of course it can. It could be George Clooney w/ a Nespresso machine giving me a pile of cash. Duh.