I like the word “kibble.” It’s a very cute word. It’s way cuter than “nibble” which to me sounds a little snooty. Mostly because when I think “nibble” I think little cucumber sandwiches that taste like air. But “kibble” is kind of cute. If I ever have a pet I will name it “Filbert” after the nut.
This is for you architects out there, go ahead and hate me:
Santiago Calatrava is a steaming pile of douche. I had no idea, because I am not an architect, but holy shit on a stick. He pretty much embodies the worst of architecture, as a person. I was reading the New Yorker (oh yes I was) which is the “style issue” (oh yes it was) and there’s a profile on Calatrava (oh no they didn’t) and all I can say is the guy is high on his own supply of hot air. You can read the full article here but I recommend waiting at least an hour after your last meal. Kind of like you’re swimming. In a pool of douche.
I am so sad. There are nice, modest, humble architects out there that do nice things and build nice stuff and shut their faceholes and wouldn’t it be nice if people created/designed/wrote totally anonymously and then this guy is all behold! My boner! Let me release a pair of doves over my creation! He’s just totally out of touch. Anyway I just needed to vent because it was piling up inside of me. AND YES, I understand that architects are not the only blowhards on this planet. You can read the Marc Jacobs profile in the same issue. Not to say that he’s a blowhard, I actually found him sad in other ways, but he’s also not claiming to give back to “deliver something to those who don’t have anything” whenever he makes something.
Also, my office now has mice.
My cell phone is totally not receiving any text messages, which is kind of nice but also kind of bad, and maybe, just maybe, totally annoying. This all points me toward the iTelephone which would make me be such a winner. A champion. I would make everyone call me La Champ. My phone right now is held together by tape and hope. HOPE. Yes, Barack Obama keeps my phone together himself. He’s a very busy man, you see. Anyway I’m thinking. I kind of want it.
I have to say, the one thing the iPhone puts an end to are those awesome conversations where you wonder about something and then you make stuff up just to answer your own questions because you do not have the magical toobs in front of you to give you the answer. I like that part because it’s all about making up stupid crap and then convincing yourself you know what you are talking about even though it’s so obvious you are full of your own crap but you are like “no dude, ionic bonds, it’s the ionic bonds” and then someone says “I’ll buy that.” And then you kick everyone’s ass with your ninja skills just because that is what you do. See if I had an iPhone there’d be less ninja stuff.
I have returned from Canada, where I was conversating with nature. There was this thing called a “lake”, you might’ve heard of it. Totally strange. All this water…like totally surrounded by land. And yet there’s still fish in there and everything. Trees. Rocks. Birds that float in the water. FLOATING BIRDS do you understand? TOTALLY INSANE. What is up with that? And then people ride this thing called “a canoe” where they paddle with very large chopstick things and I was like, but wait, why paddle when you can attach a motor on that shit? Ha ha ha. No really.
The week was spent learning “white skills”. In fact we called it White Assimilation Week. I learned to canoe, play squash, and sail. Squash is fun, I have to say. I’m very shitty at it but I do like to hit things very much. Very satisfying I can see why Paleface likes it. I did not water ski because it looked totally painful like the boat is going to pull your arms off. Maybe white people’s arms can come off, I need to run more tests to find out. But, can it even GET WHITER than sailing? I don’t know. But I had a good time. Sailing is pretty fun, especially when you accidentally throw someone out of the boat without even knowing. All the sudden I turn around and like I’m alone in the boat, Hey! Come back here! Anyway I learned an important lesson: White people sure know how to have fun! Also, stars. There are a lot of them. AT least three or four dozen.
I went hiking too. Lathered myself in so much insect repellent my skin was burning off and I got a spider bite anyway on my arm and it’s all swollen and pussy. Totally disgusting, I do not recommend stepping foot into Canada because the entire country will try to eat you alive. Anyway it sucks to be back. New York City is basically the complete opposite of where I was.
I woke up to find a cockroach in my cabinet. Ugh.
Anyway, I see that Doretta has behaved very well. I’m surprised she didn’t run amok and call everyone assholes. But thanks to Doretta for subbing here at Annietown. She will now go to her regular Canadian Prime Minister of Annietown duties. Doretta your country was beautiful, you’ve done a great job. I hope you are proud, etc.