Salad Days
On Saturday it was my friend Zechariah’s birthday and he had people over for…turkey. Yes. He made a turkey. He and his ladyfriend Natalia apparently had to drive all over the place to look for a turkey. They found it “in the ghetto in Red Hook.” I didn’t even know Red Hook had a ghetto, but there you go. Anyway he actually made a turkey! Like, whole! Thanksgiving in September Birthday Party. Zechariah is among one of the most eccentric yet charming people I know. He’s a very good person, better than me, but totally random. I mean really random.
So I helped Zechariah make a salad. I’m like, tell me what to do, and I’ll do it. He says ok. Take these mixed greens. Add spinach. OK! Done! Add carrots, but make them bite sized. You know, like in chunks. OK. Add celery. Fine, even though I hate it. Not my salad. He says, ok, what else? Hmm…he dumps an entire container of trail mix (sunflower seeds, peanuts, raisins, etc) and dumps it in. OK, what else? He takes an entire head of cauliflower and cuts it into big ass chunks and throws it in. Big. Ass. Chunks. So I’m picking through the salad and cutting up the enormous pieces. Raw cauliflower. Rough on the tummy. Good for the colon. SO then he takes a handful of whole, dried apricots and dumps them in and I go no no no no cut them up, cut them up! He says, why? I imagine someone getting a quarter head of cauliflower and a whole apricot at the end of their fork. So, I beg him to let me take all the apricots out and dice them. He says fine, fine, but you’re being uptight. This salad is strange, I think. Then he holds up two jars of marinated artichokes and he says, would this take it over the top. And I say, you know what? Do it. Take it over the top, just like Sly Stallone. So he busts them open and dumps it in. Then he says, make a balsamic vinaigrette.
It was the most insane salad EVER. I mean every bite was like a new discovery. There were no two bites a like. You’re like ok this bite has peanuts in it, but the next bite, I may not get peanuts. I may get cauliflower. I may get a cashew. I may get some kind of seed or an artichoke.
Then while we are eating he’s like OH MAN I TOTALLY FORGOT TO PUT IN THE POTATOES. Oh well. Fucking hilarious. Seriously.
Salad Days with Zechariah = experience is its own reward.
Eccentric yet Charming = seriously hilarious.
Good Thing about Insane Salads = no need to fill up on bread.
There’s a Chinese supermarket near the airport that has all kinds of animal parts wrapped in tight plastics. You can make a turkey. You can also make a pig. You can make a cow from those parts but remember that a cow can be a really big project. There are many fish-parts, too. I think those could be mix-y-matchy!
See you all at Tease-O-Rama on Friday!
That salad was made of pure WIN,… fresh win.
Jon: I forgot, he also put MINT in there but like chopped up all of it, not just the leaves. Like the stems too.
LilG: Yeah I think pig would’ve completed the salad. It was missing a “protein.”
Vesper: It really was a winning salad. I didn’t have to eat for days afterward.