I just paid someone to pinch my butt.
I am in a wedding next weekend and had to get a dress altered. So I walk into the gettin’ place and put on the dress and the guy proceeds to pin everything and all that stuff. But he’s almost medical about it. He pokes me in the butt. We have to take it in down here. Poke poke. Then he goes up top and pokes each boob and says we take it here too. Then he goes to town on the side, near the side boob, or what Doretta would call the backfat boob area, and pokes that, maybe it is ok here, tug poke tug. Then he goes back to the butt and he’s pinching fabric to take it in but he also kind of pinches my butt and then he tugs and then smooths the fabric over my butt, i.e. smooths my butt. Then he says, OK all done, it will be seventy dollars. And I thought he said seven and I was like sweet, and he’s like no seventy, and I thought I heard seventeen, and I was like sweet, and then he said, no no, seventy, seven zero. It is very complicated job (it is kind of, but $70 complicated? I dunno). Seventy United States dollars. That is the price of shame. He was Nigerian I think and had these crazy blue eyes. Anyway he’s a very good tailor, but like you know he does not care to be ginger with the butt or the boobs. Poke poke tug. The girl who was there before me was getting some strapless number altered and he was like tugging at her boobs and shaking his head, too big, too big. He meant the dress, I think.
Wow. I paid $300 to have my wedding dress altered and that definitely didn’t include any boob- or butt-poking. I think I got ripped off.
annie: although Doretta did get her bra fitting action at no extra charge, $70 bucks U.S. for a proper fit with mulitple pokes and no emotional baggage….does not sound like sucha bad deal (unless of course you are only referring to the dress).
What’s the number for these tailors?
I may need my birthday suit fitted.
Um, I would think in this situation a cold prod is more appropriate than a caress. But then again you did just drop 70 bones so…that’s a stumper.
Steen: Yeah but that’s like a wedding dress. This is a non wedding dress. But you totes missed out on the assgrab.
Jon: This is true, INSTEAD of saying it’s a $70 alteration, they could ay it’s a $70 assgrab and alteration is free! That sounds like a deal. I should be in Marketing.
VK: Har har har. It’s 800-tuck-balls
Bryan: Yeah I get to go back on Wednesday to “pick it up”. Who knows waht will happen then?
70 clams for tailoring and ass-grabbing seems reasonable – as long as the dress fits when you get it back. Well everyone will be looking at the bride, as they say (which is, BTW, a TOTAL lie because everyone checks out the bridal party – who is layable, who is not layable – as much as if not more than the bride).
Two weeks ago a delegate at the RNC picked up a lovely Minnesota lady (although it might have been a man) at a bar. He took her back to his hotel room. She fixed some drinks and told him to git naked. He did. He woke up hours later less 1) memories of what followed and 2) $120,000 in cash and jewelry. Ha! He paid $120,000 for a roofie and didn’t get any assgrab or even a dress alteration! Republicans are such suckers.
PS There is no way he had to take it in around your boobage area ’cause your boobs are, like, huge.
Maybe it’s just the brain freeze that makes us suckers, Rhena.
I’m no Repub., but I do live within a couple blocks of the RNC site. I once woke up less 4 hours of time, miles from my house, while trying to get into ‘my’ silver mercedes (which I soon realized was nothing like my actual vehicle, a red truck that I hadn’t driven that night.) The local authorities gave me some relatively constrictive jewelry, let me into their car, which was much less comfortable than my little red truck, & questioned me for a couple hours before claiming that they could charge me with a felony. After explaining that I wasn’t “…trying to act in a felonious manner,” (a statement clearly pulled out of my nether region) I was driven home and told not to leave for “…a very long time.”
She mixes a mean drink, this friend of yours. There’s no hangover and it makes great stories for your friends, who can later regale you with tales of the last time they saw you, urinating into oncoming traffic amid the busiest intersection in town.
VK, [insert appropriately derisive comment by Minneapolitan directed at St.Paulite about how small, boring, and provincial the east side of the river is]
Turns out he only got taken for $50,000 — the police report was mistaken.