I just confirmed a reading at the Rubin Museum of Art on November 14. Dude, I know. It’s so fucking far away from now, I’m pretty sure even I will forget about it. But anyway, yes, November 14, mark your calendars. It’s so far away that I’m pretty sure my calendar doesn’t even go up that far, but whatever. Maybe yours does. Maybe you have some kind of magical calendar that can see four months into the future. Oh look, how special. It must be nice being so fancy.

The Rubin Museum focuses on Himalayan art and I’ve never actually been to it because the only thing I hate more than art is the Himalayas. Ha ha ha! I jest! How can anyone have anything against the Himalayas? That’s like saying “I hate Neil Diamond.” It’s just wrong. And impossible. Anyway in the fall they are screening a series of films that best illustrate a Bhutanese proverb. They asked the Asian American Writer’s Workshop to organize readings that best go along with the spirit of the film. That’s where I come in.

I’ll be paired with the movie Nobody Knows, directed and written by Hirokazu Koreeda. I don’t know if you’ve seen it, but apparently it is a GUT-WRENCHING TEAR-JERKER. OK imagine that your boy/girlfriend has just dumped you. Then someone tells you that your puppy has to be put down. By you. Seriously. Everyone I’ve talked to who has seen has said, “oh god, it’s good but it’s so painful, so, so painful.” You can read descriptions about it, but basically it’s about four Japanese kids abandoned by their mother and left to fend for themselves in Tokyo. They should’ve just called it SADDEST MOVIE IN THE WORLD WHY BOTHER LIVING YOU ARE SUCH A DICK FOR BEING ALIVE. So now I have to ask myself, what should I read? (Hint: “Dear Architects, I am sick of your shit” is not the correct answer.)

How do you prep an audience for the biggest hour and a half downer ever? LIKE HEY EVERYONE WHY DON’T YOU LAUGH FOR A FEW MINUTES BECAUSE SOON YOU WILL CRY AND HATE YOURSELF. Do I bring the audience up, just so they can just go down? I am not sure. I remember my mom going to a funeral and being flustered because she didn’t know what to wear and the fact that she was flustered by such a stupid, little thing in the face of a funeral made her even more flustered. That is kind of like how I feel. What the fuck do you read? They would like me to read from the book, the one over there —-> I guess I will figure it out, but I’m very excited to be reading there. It might also be the only place I’ve read that didn’t, you know, go out of business.

I learned a very important lesson today.

Making internets is hard work.

I just spent half the day trying to figure out why something doesn’t work. Then while tracking down the problem, I found another problem. And then while figuring out that problem, I found another problem, and then another one. Then all of the sudden I look up and it’s past 3:00 and I have many problems, no solutions, and I have nothing to show for my day other than IM transcripts of me yelling OH GOOD GRAVY WTF I DO NOT UNDERSTAND. There are also IM transcripts of me wanting to throw various objects that are heavy and dense in nature and also emails that have a lot of questions and many curse words. Very unladylike and for this I apologize. But not really. It is one of those fake apologies. Sorry for interrupting you while you are youtubing, but I have a question. You know that kind of apology.

Sometimes when you are making tubes, stuff happens and you cannot make the tubes. The internets become broked. Tubes! Where are the tubes! I do not know! You become sad. You wonder why you even bother. You become, perhaps, a little desperate. A little ragey.

One problem I figured out had to do with the lack of a letter ‘s’. Something did not have an ‘s’. It caused carnage. I am surrounded by puppies and giant pandas and wombats, all headless. I see some innards laying about casually. So, everyone, please mind your s’s because they are very dangerous. They are deadly and violent. S, I hate you. I had a problem, now I have problems. See what you do?