Nobody Knows
I just confirmed a reading at the Rubin Museum of Art on November 14. Dude, I know. It’s so fucking far away from now, I’m pretty sure even I will forget about it. But anyway, yes, November 14, mark your calendars. It’s so far away that I’m pretty sure my calendar doesn’t even go up that far, but whatever. Maybe yours does. Maybe you have some kind of magical calendar that can see four months into the future. Oh look, how special. It must be nice being so fancy.
The Rubin Museum focuses on Himalayan art and I’ve never actually been to it because the only thing I hate more than art is the Himalayas. Ha ha ha! I jest! How can anyone have anything against the Himalayas? That’s like saying “I hate Neil Diamond.” It’s just wrong. And impossible. Anyway in the fall they are screening a series of films that best illustrate a Bhutanese proverb. They asked the Asian American Writer’s Workshop to organize readings that best go along with the spirit of the film. That’s where I come in.
I’ll be paired with the movie Nobody Knows, directed and written by Hirokazu Koreeda. I don’t know if you’ve seen it, but apparently it is a GUT-WRENCHING TEAR-JERKER. OK imagine that your boy/girlfriend has just dumped you. Then someone tells you that your puppy has to be put down. By you. Seriously. Everyone I’ve talked to who has seen has said, “oh god, it’s good but it’s so painful, so, so painful.” You can read descriptions about it, but basically it’s about four Japanese kids abandoned by their mother and left to fend for themselves in Tokyo. They should’ve just called it SADDEST MOVIE IN THE WORLD WHY BOTHER LIVING YOU ARE SUCH A DICK FOR BEING ALIVE. So now I have to ask myself, what should I read? (Hint: “Dear Architects, I am sick of your shit” is not the correct answer.)
How do you prep an audience for the biggest hour and a half downer ever? LIKE HEY EVERYONE WHY DON’T YOU LAUGH FOR A FEW MINUTES BECAUSE SOON YOU WILL CRY AND HATE YOURSELF. Do I bring the audience up, just so they can just go down? I am not sure. I remember my mom going to a funeral and being flustered because she didn’t know what to wear and the fact that she was flustered by such a stupid, little thing in the face of a funeral made her even more flustered. That is kind of like how I feel. What the fuck do you read? They would like me to read from the book, the one over there —-> I guess I will figure it out, but I’m very excited to be reading there. It might also be the only place I’ve read that didn’t, you know, go out of business.
I stumbled on to you blog when I googled “itchy tongue”—no joke—which I was suffering from the other night and was sure it was a tumor. Thanks for telling me it was probably just pineapple. Your blog now makes me laugh (and think deep, deep thoughts about the meaning of life of course) every night. So, thanks.
Lynsey: I hope that your tongue is no longer itchy. I actually think it’s the part of the pineapple closest to the core that I get itchy over. Something to think about. More deep, deep thoughts for you. Thanks for reading and all that.
annie: I guess I never realized before how hard it was to make Himalayas sound interesting.
Do not fear. Annietowners will help you go figure what to do on November 15th. OMG – your screwed!
I haven’t read your book, but I think there’s two easy ways to go – the touching (but boring) route, as in “the bonds of family run deeper than blood”, etc etc…
Or you could go the humor route and just talk about how much your mom drove you crazy as a kid, and how when you were watching this movie all you could think about is how lucky these kids were – and how you WISHED that you had been abandoned!
i like the passage about your stuffed animals. it pretty much has nothing to do 4 kids being abandoned in the middle of tokyo, so it would pretty much work like when you go to the dr. to get a shot and you are scared of getting the shot and the dr. goes, hey what’s that over there? and you look away and then feel a pinprick but it’s over before you can say ow! and it’s too late to retroactively say it now unless you just want to whine for good measure. except that i think the movie is like 141 minutes long. but yeah, stuffed animals.
I’d read from the book about your grandma whizzing in a tea kettle. I think the audience will be so mortified (presuming they are good visualizers which is a safe bet because it’s an art studio) that the movie will be like 141 minutes of mere rehab. Alternatively, the farting vegan piece on Ruined Music might have the same outcome if you could provide some sound effects and maybe some scratch ‘n sniff cards. Just my 2-cents.