July | 2008 | Annietown

Woo hoo!

Nathan saved Annietown from looking like Anniecrap! ——-> Sidebar is back, huzzah. Thanks Nathan, one day I will make it up to you, but I am not sure how.

Speaking of Annietown, I remember when I was trying to find a domain for the bloggorrhea I went through a dozen names including, Annieland (which was taken), Annieville, Annieland, Annienation, Annieopolis, Anniepants (which seemed too porno at the time even though that is my nickname), Anniecity, and some other stuff. Basically I wanted Annie plus some sort of locale though I am not quite sure why. Oh I also thought of RepublicofAnnie but that made me sound like some kind of commie, which my brother calls me anyway. It is kind of funny to call someone a commie, no one does it anymore. Maybe I will bring it back. When I was in college everyone was calling each other fascist. For, like, doing nothing. Pass me the soy milk, you freedom-hating fascist, etc. Kind of funny. Maybe.

Behold!

My friend Anh just sent me this link. It made me laugh and then made me throw up, just a little, in my mouth.

Also, I have a headache. This may or may not be related to America’s birthday festivities last night. It may or may not be related to wine. It may or may not be related to the wine I had after the wine. Without further scientific study, I cannot be sure. I am reaching out to the science and medical communities to help me determine the cause of my headache, sleepiness, slight nausea, and the cashmere sweater that my tongue is currently wearing. I suppose I should reach out to the fashion industry too, for that last part. It’s really too hot for cashmere.

Speaking of the fashion industry, the new Phillip Lim 3.1 store in L.A. opened and it was designed by my good pal Dominic Leong over at Para. Check it out here. It’s as crazy as Dominic is. I want to go and squish all the acoustic foam. Like if you are stressed and live in Los Angeles, go over to the Phillip Lim store and squeeze the crap out of the walls. I think one of the rooms has walls covered with cow hair, so pet the crap out of that too. These cows may or may not be related to the meat hats above. Dominic worked his ass off so I’m proud of him. It’s his first built project. Kudos Dominic, now go and get me some sweet, sweet Phillip Lim threads. Also, I have your mail. If you give me sweet, sweet Phillip Lim threads I will give you your credit card bill which I know you want really badly. Also it looks like you might have already won 2 million dollars, that is exciting.

Happy Birthday (or whatever) America!

It’s the 4th of July, the day of our nation’s birth. Happy birthday, nation! To celebrate I shall go kegging and watch people cook flesh over fire. This is what George Washington always wanted. People in America, cooking flesh and being free while drinking beer. Freedom tastes good. It tastes like steak. I don’t remember what steak tastes like, but I do know what freedom tastes like.

Speaking of which, I just accidentally ate a piece of ham. There were “samples” at this coffeeshop and I was like sweet! Samples! Then I popped one in my mouth and it turns out it was a bit o’ croissant with a bit o’ ham. Ham is very salty. And chewy. But I felt too weird spitting it out so I just swallowed it and dealt with it. So there you go. It’s been probably 16 years since I’ve had ham. I can’t say if I liked it or not. It was too foreign for me to make a decision on it. I think I liked ham when I was little. But I wasn’t really a picky eater either. I think when you grow up in a Korean family, you really can’t be that picky. I mean there’s like barely pickled/raw squid and roe still in the egg sac/membrane, it’s like if you can eat that at eight, you eat whatever. And even if you were picky, your parents would bitch and moan so much that you eat it just to shut them up. Seriously.

Anyway happy Independence Day. Everyone go exercise their independence! Celebrate! Be free! Destroy the beer with your bellies!

I would like to tell you something important.

I just took down penne with spinach and ricotta from Pepe Rosso.

I completely, utterly destroyed it. With my belly.

I leveled it beyond recognition. In fact, there is nothing to even recognize because there is nothing left. It is no longer in existence. It is inside my gut. Deep. You cannot see it, but trust me, it’s obliterated. I totaled it. If you wanted some, too bad, because I annihilated it. I wrecked, razed, and ruined it. So I’m sorry. You will have to get your own. They deliver. But only a few blocks. So if you live in Hawaii or London or one of those fancy towns in Portugal with the fancy letters, I am sorry. You will have to find something else to demolish with your tummy because mine is gone. It has entered the face hole, been masticated into tiny bits, and sent down the maw, straight to the breadbasket that is my stomach.

So, I’m sorry. It’s dead. I killed it.

A Joke, Possibly

I like to make jokes. That is kind of what I do for a living, to varying degrees of success. Anyway once at band practice, I was playing the glockenspiel and we were messing around with a hot jam and I said, “I’ll put one hand on my glock.” I literally thought it was the funniest thing I have ever said even though it’s probably the stupidest thing I’ve ever said (maybe) and then I laughed and laughed because I am not afraid to laugh at my own stupid jokes and then realized, shit, no one else was laughing. Instead they were filled with hate. These are my friends, mind you. Filled with hate. ONE HAND ON MY GLOCK!!!!!!! Come on! When do you ever get to make a joke about a glockenspiel? NEVER. It is a ONCE IN A LIFETIME opportunity, except we practice every week and it is absolutely ridiculous to think that I hadn’t even thought of that joke before now. Anyway, damn them. It was funny to me. I don’t know how comedians not laugh at their own jokes. It’s like too calculated. Like they’ve been practicing in front of a mirror. I like it when comedians kind of smile, but then sometimes when they smile they get the rep of being a smarmy dick, kind of like Michael Ian Black, who I think is awesome. It’s all confusing. Chris Rock does that. He’ll make a joke and he’ll smile, but there’s something about his smile where he is not really smiling at his own joke, but something else about his joke. His eyes are kind of crazy and opened wide and detached from their retinas. I dunno, when you see Chris Rock, just watch for it.

Oh that reminds me of another time in yoga class where the teacher was like talking about the head and was saying it was an eight-pound weight on your neck. Then she stopped, “It weighs eight-pounds, right?” And I was like “well mine weighs a lot more because it’s FILLED WITH KNOWLEDGE.” Hahahaha. Yeah. No one laughed at that one either.

Holy fucking shit Here We Go Magic Picked up JOHN WATERS hitchhiking????? http://t.co/IuJEG8GM via @stereogum

Annietown

Woo hoo!

Behold!

Happy Birthday (or whatever) America!

I would like to tell you something important.

Happy Fourth of July, Canada!

A Joke, Possibly

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