The Fashions
When you leave your house, please ask yourself this question. It will help you make important decisions:
Am I wearing enough clothes?
On Friday night I saw a girl wearing nothing but a t-shirt which barely covered the parts that should be covered. I am not like a puritan or amish or anything, but there are certain things that should be covered for sanitary purposes. It is more like a public health than a fashion thing. It wasn’t like a dress that was really small. It was seriously a shirt. Like an American Apparel shirt. I have one, in fact. I wear it with a little something called pants. She was a very tall and pretty girl with alien arms, perhaps a model of some kind, but she was not wearing enough clothes. She was just wearing really high heels and a shirt. I mean if I looked like her, I would totally work it too, but like, with pants on. No, she was not wearing a bikini and had come back from the beach. It was as if she forgot her pants. Like she woke up put on a shirt and said, OK! Let’s go! She was very tragic. I do not mean to be catty, but guess what? I am being catty. Rowr. Listen, pants, skirts, hot shorts, they are all good things that will allow you to work it. Please do not be afraid of them. They are there just for you. For you! Pants love you.
In college there was the Naked Guy who went to school totally, completely naked, which is redundant but I cannot explain to you how really truly utterly naked this guy was. He did carry a backpack though. I so did not want to be in his seat. It can get kind of hot, you know what I mean. The junk gets a little sticky. Just saying. It didn’t get that cold in Berkeley, but maybe he didn’t go to class on those days. I don’t remember. Anyway he tried to fight the school who was trying impose their rules, like dude, just wear some clothes, any clothes! I even think they were willing to forego shoes. But he refused and was eventually thrown out, I think. Don’t remember exactly. I do remember at one point he was arrested for standing on a roof, naked, and throwing stuff at police officers. Anyway what I’m saying here is that the Naked Guy also could’ve used some pants. But he didn’t believe in them. The model girl probably believes in pants but doesn’t feel the need to wear them. Is it two sides of the same coin? Probably not, but I happen to like pants. Also it is a funny word. Pants.
I guess he didn’t get the memo that it was no longer the 60s.
People put on some damn pants!
R U wearing enough clothes? If not sure get a doll made of yourself and then dress like it before you go outside. http://www.be-a-doll.com/
This is NO guarantee that you will not commit fashion faux pas. But at least you’ll know how really UNsanitary U look in just a Tshirt and heels before Annie spots U’r Ass.
Biz-erkeley is FREEZING! I mean, if he were more in the San Jose area, I can see…but Berkeley? I wear my down vest there, thankyouverymuch.
He must have been miserable. Or not.
be careful if you come over here. What you call pants they call it trousers, if you say pants they understand underwear.
how about underpants. that’s even funnier. or panties;). hhahahaa. I’m making myself laugh over here!
The Cal Naked Guy was pretty miserable, actually. Fucked up in the head, to be exact. He eventually killed himself in a San Jose jail cell a couple years ago.
Warning: if you go to his Wikipedia entry, there’s a picture of him on it, junk and all. While I guess it’s nothing Annie hasn’t seen before, I didn’t wake up this morning expecting to see bag.
Doretta, isn’t it permanently the 60’s in Berkeley? Just like it’s going to be permanently (well, permanently for a month) party-time in NYC from September 1-October 1?
And another funny word that means something different - and dirtier - to the Brits: fanny.
Why is September a party in NYC and why can’t I be there? Oh, that’s right, because I live “elsewhere” now. Dammit.
One of my Brit friends always says, “That’s so pants.” Sort of like “That is suck.”
I didn’t wake up this morning expecting to see bag.
At least, other than mine, that is. Just wanted to make that clear.
One of my Brit friends always says, “That’s so pants.” Sort of like “That is suck.”
I kind of like the British “pants” as a pejorative adjective. Almost as much as I like “tits” as a laudatory adjective — as in, “That’s so tits” for “That rules.”
I’ve seen models who only wear t-shirts, and frankly, MORE girls need to be wearing only t-shirts. ESPECIALLY hot girls. ESPECIALLY hot girls AT BARS who are in the business of DRINKING ALCOHOL - ie “The Stuff That Makes Girls Less Likely to Spit on me When I Talk To Them”.
And as for the sanitary thing… Who cares? It’s IMPOSSIBLE FOR NYC TO GET ANY MORE FILTHY. Seriously. I would welcome a hot girl’s ass on any surface you’d care to name… Her ass couldn’t be any more filthy than the homeless dude who was playing “Scabulous” with his arm sores while sitting on that bench or whatever nary a moment before! How much damage could a model’s butt do? What, is her $80 Khiel’s Sparkly Butt Cream going to rub off on the seat or something? I’ll take my chances.
I’m sorry to get all riled up about this, but hey - it’s an issue I care about and can relate to. Like The Economy. Or Shame Eating.
Look, I just don’t want this “hot girl in no clothing” trend to end, okay? For god’s sake, Annie… Have mercy. I have so little left to live for.
Doretta: It’s always the 60s in Berkeley. But most of the time people are always clothed.
Jon: Yes, shirts go better with other pieces of clothing, if not they will get lonesome.
Melissa: I didn’t remember Berkeley being that cold but I am living here which is so much colder so who the hell knows what I remember. I remember the stench of hippie and stinging emo tears though.
Pedro: Yeah I know but I still would use pants as pants because it’s an awesome word. Trousers aren’t bad.
Erin: Panties are gross. The word is so awful. It’s worse singular: panty.
Alex: I just looked him up, I had no idea he killed himself!!!!! Fuck. Poor guy. And oh dear his bag is so there. So nude.
Aura: Fanny? That’s like the word you tell kids when you babysit liike oh becareful you’re gonna fall on your fanny or something. Brit language SUCKS. BOOOOO BOOOOOOO THumbs down.
RT: Come to NYC in Sept and you will have the awesomeness of Doretta around. We can reunite and form Voltron, etc.
Alex: But the problem is that pants is a good thing (at least to me, apparently not to Aaron B, below). So saying “that’s so pants” could be bad/good. I mean tits it’s like ok that’s totally good. But pants can go either way.
Aaron B: We’re going to have to agree to disagree. I really enjoy pants on other people. And please, do you think hot models ride the subway? Come on. They couldn’t read the subway lines. Har har har. I also think homeless people should wear pants, if that’s any help.
Can I also interject that the Mullet in any shape, puffiness, length or rattailed is completely inappropriate! I live in Arizona. Lemme tell ya! The mullet and it’s inbred cousin the “rat tail” are alive and thriving down here! I think it is a matter of morals and values that this should be outlawed already.
ENOUGH! THERE IS NO BUSINESS IN FRONT…NO ONE WOULD HIRE YOU. THERE IS NO PARTY IN THE BACK…YOU HAVE NO FRIENDS!
LOL, I was just thinking about Voltron the other night. When we reunite we would totes have the power of Voltron.
The only time I’ve been to Berkeley I was too young to understand that it is always the 60s there. In Vancouver, there are people who still think it’s the 60s, but it means that they think it’s OK to go without bathing for weeks on end.