Please do not just stand.
I just got back from the doctor for an annual exam. Everything is fine blah blah blah, but I have pretty low blood pressure. A doctor once asked me if I was “prone to passing out” and I was like “only after I drink a lot” and he did not think it was funny but you know doctors take their jobs seriously, which is probably a good thing. But come on, I’m wearing a paper nightgown, give me a little something here. I think I’d like to have a very funny doctor, it would kind of soften the blow when they go exploring if you know what I’m talking about. Anyway I’m totally off track here. I have low blood pressure. So my doctor says to eat “salty stuff” which is what I’m doing right now. I am eating a mountainous omelet full of cheese and cholesterol and salt. Then topped off with more cheese and cholesterol and salt. If I could, I would deep fry this whole thing in hydrogenated oils and then stuff it inside a buttered Big Mac and then deep fry that. Then I’d blend that shit, stick it in an IV bag and send it straight to my heart as I sit and watch TV and play video games, and I don’t mean Wii because that requires moving and certainly not Dance, Dance Revolution because that would go against my diet. But it doesn’t matter because I don’t have a deep fryer or a TV, so you see why this is all very difficult for me. So then my doctor said, “when you stand, don’t just stand.” And I was a little confused, like when you stand, you stand. It’s not like you can not stand when you are standing. That is why they call it standing and not like sitting or squatting or whatever. “You know, shift your weight around. Then you won’t pass out.” Hahaha I was like dude, I have never ever ever passed out from standing. She made it seem as if I had like no pulse at all. Like seriously, I swear, I am really, really good at standing. Like, I could teach standing professionally at Learning Tree or wherever.
Actually I adore my doctor, if anyone needs one, let me know. She really is awesome and on top of her game. But you know a little advice, when you stand, don’t just stand.
oK, reading this made me almost pass out- from laughing.
And I was trying to laugh behind my hand so I don’t get fired-
but laugh I did.
I’ll try not to just stand.
The Sylvan Learning Center now has a new instructor in standing, MD. Annie Choi! Or would standing only require a D.D.S. ?
i have low blood pressure too, but my doctor has never told me to do that. i even fainted once many moons ago. eating salt will help?
stop eating all those salads!
Melissa: Standing is harder than you think. IT LOOKS EASY, but it’s not. People can pass out from it.
Ramon: It is unclear. I mean I’d do it for free I just love standing so much.
Sandra V: Yeah fainting can be caused by low blood pressure (or like shock at seeing something I suppose, I’d probably faint seeing a wombat they are so cute). She said salt would help. Water too. My diet could use more salt and fat anyway. I am in an awesome position.
Youth is wasted on the Young. Medication wasted on the Old. Those in between eat salt and hop on one foot.
that’s coz you are tiny and a vegetarian. that’s why you got low blood pressure. (erm…ok, i’m not a doctor but i like to make up my own philosophy and all)
Can we just trade a few pints of blood?
Also you should start carrying around a salt lick. Or a salt wheel for hamsters. Put it on a string and wear it like a necklace. When asked about it just say, “Doctor’s orders.”
what about eating some meat and a few more sugar rushes??? did u hear some people say that human being is omnivorous? amazing
about standing, well, you can always walk in circles
it’s better to walk around squares coz you can’t just walk around circles, like you can’t just stand.
I’ve been hypotensive (oooo big fancy word) my entire life. As a teenager, I DID black out a couple times after standing up too fast. Doesn’t happen so much any more. Thank gawd! Imagine not being able to stand… couldn’t wait for the bus, couldn’t wash the dishes (Wait, that could be a good thing), couldn’t wait on line for tickets to see The Mummy III, and certainly couldn’t hitchhike my way across the country.