A Joke, Possibly
I like to make jokes. That is kind of what I do for a living, to varying degrees of success. Anyway once at band practice, I was playing the glockenspiel and we were messing around with a hot jam and I said, “I’ll put one hand on my glock.” I literally thought it was the funniest thing I have ever said even though it’s probably the stupidest thing I’ve ever said (maybe) and then I laughed and laughed because I am not afraid to laugh at my own stupid jokes and then realized, shit, no one else was laughing. Instead they were filled with hate. These are my friends, mind you. Filled with hate. ONE HAND ON MY GLOCK!!!!!!! Come on! When do you ever get to make a joke about a glockenspiel? NEVER. It is a ONCE IN A LIFETIME opportunity, except we practice every week and it is absolutely ridiculous to think that I hadn’t even thought of that joke before now. Anyway, damn them. It was funny to me. I don’t know how comedians not laugh at their own jokes. It’s like too calculated. Like they’ve been practicing in front of a mirror. I like it when comedians kind of smile, but then sometimes when they smile they get the rep of being a smarmy dick, kind of like Michael Ian Black, who I think is awesome. It’s all confusing. Chris Rock does that. He’ll make a joke and he’ll smile, but there’s something about his smile where he is not really smiling at his own joke, but something else about his joke. His eyes are kind of crazy and opened wide and detached from their retinas. I dunno, when you see Chris Rock, just watch for it.
Oh that reminds me of another time in yoga class where the teacher was like talking about the head and was saying it was an eight-pound weight on your neck. Then she stopped, “It weighs eight-pounds, right?” And I was like “well mine weighs a lot more because it’s FILLED WITH KNOWLEDGE.” Hahahaha. Yeah. No one laughed at that one either.
The rest of your band probably isn’t quite as gang-star as yourself. You’ll have to keep rocking whilst they roll.
really? no one laughed? dang. I would have fallen on the floor from laughing so hard. then again, I still laugh at poo jokes. I’m essentially a 10 year old boy. great.
If you’ve heard one glockenspiel joke, you’ve heard em all.
Real people can be funny too, Real + Funny = ReallyFunny. “Annie’s GLOCKzinger” being a perfect example.
Rooted in some cosmic fact of life is the maxim: Everything is not funny Everytime to Everybody. I had to stop touting the “smoking monkey” gag as a comedy classic, after monkey dozed off and left several burn marks in the upholstery of friend’s favorite chair. Real + Sad = ReallySad.
Annie: If you nearly pee your pants with delight every time you hear yourself say “ONE HAND ON MY GLOCK!!!!!!!” Then go for it. Real + Funny + Wet = You look really funny in wet pants.
OMG, that is almost one of the funniest things I’ve ever heard. I think you should carry around a glockenspiel at all times just so you can pull it out and say that.
Well, you made (and make) me laugh…
I crack myself up all the time, too. Here’s to being the stars of our own shows.
Yesterday I did one of those jokes at the office.
We are working for a Dubai project and some guys were trying to align some drawings over the google aerial image. They were quite angry because they founf the drawings were showing two north directions…. so I just said, “Well, that is because there are two worlds in Dubai” Come on, they are building this artifitial island complex into the sea called “the world” and with the shape of the world.
So I really started laughing really loud but hte guys were angry anyway.
Annie you need to create a clever “hand on my glock” t-shirt!
Just saw Eddie Izzard here the other day. He absolutely lost it onstage. He always laughs at his own jokes. Check him out on youtube.
I laugh at my own jokes an routinely get that empty stare from my friends. I am thinking of getting new friends…not new jokes. The jokes themselves are solid. The friends may have a glitch. Think I can find some new friends on ebay? Not like crummy friends, either. Like ones that have cool hobbies like buying their friends stuff like cars and villas in Italy. I would like a friend like that.