I’ll take HOLY CRAP for $500, Alex
My co-worker and friend Brian is going to be on JEOPARDY! Can you believe that shit? It’s not surprising because Brian is seriously an idiot savant except he is not an idiot. I guess that would just make him a savant. He goes to pub trivia every week at Pete’s Candy Store and schools everyone’s asses. The only time he doesn’t win is when he is HOSTING it. It’s ludicrous. You know, I don’t even go because what is the goddamn point? Brian won’t let anyone on his team if they can’t name the vice presidents in order. To be perfectly honest, I always get too drunk at pub quiz to answer the questions so by the time we get to the visual round I am leaning on the table with my head in my hands and saying “oh god I think I am hungover already.” And then Mr. Pony yells at me, “ANNIE! Dude! WHO IS THIS SILENT FILM ACTOR?” And then sometimes I hobble home on the train and think, wow, why didn’t I take a cab? Because I was TOO DRUNK to think about a cab. And all this happens on a Wednesday. My problem is that it only takes one drink and I am absolutely stupid. I just can’t hold it. I mean I’ve tried and tried and have gone through rigorous training sessions, but it just hasn’t worked out for me. One drink and I’m stupid. At least I’m a cheap date. Anyway, congratulations Brian. Bring home the big bucks.
“I’ll take The rapists for $500.” “Jap anus Relations for $200.”
Your mother, Trebek!
Annie (not so cheap date) For $200
Q: Douchery, remembering stuff, tongue is very itchy and hailing cabs while intoxicated.
A: What are other problems than can’t hold liquor
Yay, Brian! Sources say Brian’s Reign of Terror will begin the week of September 15th. Let’s all watch, then report back here to discuss.
Also, you are a RIDICULOUSLY cheap date. When you say “one drink”, I think you’re exaggerating a bit, because I’ve never seen you even finish it before you fall head-first into the glass.
you’re not the only one! i think it has to do with our height. when i was in germany last christmas the drinking age there is 16, so i had one glass of wine christmas eve and i was so tipsy my little brother had to carry me back to my room.
Whoa! That’s awesome! I hope he wins a lot of money. Because money is sweet. Or at least that’s what I hear – I don’t have any myself, so I wouldn’t know.
As for drinking: Getting drunk is real fun, no matter if it takes one beer or fifty. But I have to say something… I fucking hate bars that are called something else. Like “Pete’s Candy Store”. Or “The Library”. Or “Banc”. Or “Alene’s Grocery”. It’s confusing and stupid. You know what? I’m going to open up a bar and call it “Hospital”, and then when douches flock to it in droves, I will come out of the back and surprise them and punch them in their goddamned brains and stomp their fucking organs out and send them to the real hospital.
Which, of course, will be called “Law Firm”.
Ms Biz: Don’t forget the ever popular category, potpurri
jon: daily double!
Pony: Come on, a pint is kind of big. I consider if I take down 75% of it I have finished a drink.
Lanna: Except you were 16. I am so not 16 and drink like one.
Aaron B: Yeah I’ve heard that money can get you things. But those bars are way better than the ones that have no name but just like one light and no windows and you’re supposed to know the name anyway. OR the ones where you need like a password to get in, Milk and Honey or whatever that awful horrible douchebar is. Ugh. NY can really suck sometimes when all you want is a regular drink in a regular bar with regular people without douchebaggery.
you really need training, a pint is nothing, you should be able to drink like 4 without noticing. And as a friend of mine would say, beer even doesn’t count as an alcoholic beverage.
… I am starting to hate beer, they drink so much here. Long live to Gin.
I have personaly given up on playing Jeopardy! for real. I prefer anti-Jeopardy! or coming up with the least correct question possible (both socially and politically).
And I think you’re like those dinosaurs in “Jurassic Park,” you’re missing enzymes.
(dear annie i think you are so cool and funny. you wouldn’t want to make friends from the internet would you because that’s creepy right? i am actually pretty cool i think, and fun and pretty nice and i just want to be friends. and even though i sound really creepy right now, i am actually not. like if you met me in the street or at a friend’s house i don’t think you would go”boy she’s creepy i need to stay away from her.” you might be like, “hey she’s kinda goofy what’s up with her?? but yeah i think she’s alright.” but anyway, so i wish i could be your friend but this is all very weird, so i shall continue to admire you from the internet until maybe one day we bump into each other and become friends “naturally” like my mom would say.)
nobody is as alcohol intolerant as me. i pass out on a sip of red wine. if you don’t believe me, you can try me. hahaha…
yes, wannabe friend, you are creepy. just start stalking her on facebook. that kinda works.
Pedro: I cannot drink gin at all it makes me barf. Seriously. There’s something about it…oh yeah it tastes like butt.
Bryan: It’s true. I’m missing many things, actually.
Wanna be: You can be my friend, always and forever. You can also be e-friends and do it “unnaturally” on Facebook. Or you can do it more “naturally” here on Annietown. You can never have enough friends.
Fly: We should do a low-tolerance drink off. Sip for sip see who passes out first. It’d like opposite of a drinking contest, it’d be hilarious.