To Go
I have trapped a cockroach in my bathtub underneath a Tupperware container. It is ready if you want to take it “to go” or for “take away.” It will stay fresh. You can have leftovers tomorrow.
I have trapped a cockroach in my bathtub underneath a Tupperware container. It is ready if you want to take it “to go” or for “take away.” It will stay fresh. You can have leftovers tomorrow.
I caught a mouse saturday morning, I’ll trade you straight up
Bryan: It is a tough trade. I have to think about it. Is the mouse alive or dead? Because mine is very “fresh”.
Ummm, He (or she, I didn’t think to check) is previously alive. Mint I would say.
send it over to UAE.
Bryan: Hrmm it is a fair trade. Is it on a sticky trap or a have-a-heart trap?
Fly: That happened to my friend. Some prankster coworkers mailed her an empty coffee can w/ a roach in it. It was still alive.
Ummhrmm, I think you may have misunderstood my post. Not wanting to be unclear I have to admit I caught the mouse in an old school don’t-have-a-heart mouse trap. But, I still think it’s a fair trade. You get all the benefits of a tiny furry rodent with none of the unseemly, and constant, reproduction.
Bryan: OK you have a deal then. But you’re gonna have to do a pick up/drop off situation because I can’t touch that roach. Hence the container.
Done and done. How many days can you go without bathing? I couldn’t get there any earlier than this weekend. It’s either that or get a pair of winter gloves and herd it into a padded mailer with a toilet brush. Or just get a Hazmat suit, the downside being an uncontrolable urge to do Darth Vader or John Travolta, “Boy in the Bubble,” imitations.
If we’re talking strictly size to ratio, the cockroach’s Tupperware prison is prolly bigger than your apartment.
The very best thing to do with roaches and other nasty creatures, too, but especially roaches, is to fashion a low-buck flamethrower with a Bic lighter and a can of aerosol Aqua Net. It must be aerosol. With the AlGore-approved edible pump-spray Aqua Net you could find yourself with a very very excited and very very sticky roach in your coiffure. Other fuel sources of an aerosol nature will work too, like spray glue or spray fix or even Raid in a can (that one’s sweet because it’s the definitive double shot) but Aqua Net is the best: a good, quick-lighting, bright, hot flame and very decent throw. The ball o’ fire shoots out probably two feet or more. How those ladies teased, poofed and laminated their hair with the Aqua Net and didn’t incinerate their coconuts on a more regular basis is beyond me.That’s the same generation that perfected the three-martini lunch. I can’t feel my feet after three martinis, let alone care enough to close the deal or find my way back to work. Anyway, you know what the real thing is about the Aqua Net? Stealth, that’s what. It’s Aqua Net in a pastel can so the roaches think, oh, that big she-ra is going to work on her mullet again so that means she’ll be going out to ze deeskotek and it’ll be hours before she stumbles home so we can all crawl through her panty drawer until then…and while they’re all laughing and rubbing their repulsive hairy paws or whatever together and slapping each other on their disgusting little backs, you light that mother UP and then it’s all a huge pastel fireball of death for them. Who’s laughing now? Well, YOU are! You smile and smile ’cause killin’ in the name of good hygiene is the best kind of killin’!
As long as we’re talking rodents, I can throw a dead, nearly headless squirrel we found in our front yard. It’s nice to have a front yard. It’s not so nice to have dead native animals in it. The husband “took care of it,” which is why I married him.
When I used to live in NYC, I used to have nightmares that my apartment kitchen was overrun by either rats or cockroaches. Now that I don’t, I’m probably going to have dead squirrel nightmares.
Hi Doretta!
Don’t forget to take into account the survivability of a nuclear holocaust the roach has going for it. I hear that drives up the value!
Hi Rhena!
Glad to know that the husband is still useful
I stopped having the cockroach dreams too once I left the city.
Glad to know I was not alone in those awful dreams!
Doretta: Ha ha ha ha. Roach doesn’t live with parents though.
LilG: Mr. Pony had recommended I use compressed air and turn it upside down and freeze the mothafuckaz. So you recommend fire, he recommends ice. I am so conflicted.
RT: I’m confused. How does it not have a head? Like it jsut doesn’t COME without a head.
Ramon: If that is the case my apartment is very very valuable.
Annie, try the fire. No contest with ice. Especially in dim light conditions. Freakin’ awesome effect.
I am intrigued by the freezing option, however. Must try it. Props to Mister P.
Ignore the warnings on the Aqua Net can, by the way…the ones about the risk of explosion and fire and maiming and death. So much lawyerly hand-wringing. Make a day of it and don’t wear a seatbelt.
Forget everything else… now I just want to see you in a Hazmat suit doing a boy in the bubble impression of John Travolta.