Genius Bar is Neither
I spent Friday night at the Apple Store trying to get my keyboard fixed. My Apple Care expired about two weeks ago, so, of course, nothing was covered. Luckily it was just the keyboard that had the issue and not anything else. So somehow my computer was spared from actual water damage to the hard drive. I don’t think i could’ve survived another hard drive failure. Anyway the replacement keyboard cost only $40. I’m like sweet, I can totally pay that. I am very happy and pleased even though the genius helping me is kind of smug. They are always smug. You know those PC vs Apple commercials? The PC guy is John Hodgman and the Apple guy is some snarky know-it-all hipster douchebucket? Well I happen to like the PC guy way better. John Hodgman is the shit. I’d buy a PC if they didn’t suck more than Macs.
So anyway the keyboard was only $40 which might be the cheapest thing Apple actually makes. Like even the iPod cozies are more expensive. But then the labor charges…were $85. DUDE!!!!! $85! I was like, why can’t I just BUY the keyboard from you and install it myself for $0. I mean seriously you do not have to be an APPLE GENIUS wearing a shirt that says “Not all superheroes wear capes” (that is actually what they wear by the way) to install a stupid keyboard. You literally take it off, and then plug the new one in. But they don’t do that. You can’t just buy the part and walk away. No. They want to do it themselves because they are “geniuses.” I’m like listen, an idiot can do this. An idiot like me. I don’t think I should pay anyone $85 for something a monkey could do. I mean I could even get a monkey to do it FOR FREE and in five minutes or less. The genius says they run “tests” to make sure it’s working properly. I’m like, what tests could you possibly run on a keyboard? Yo mean like TYPING? Gasp! And maybe opening up a document and typing? Oh that is really advanced genius-level crap. Please let me pay you $100 for all your trouble and your genius skills. So then with the powers of my CHARMS they agreed to not charge for the labor only because my Apple Care had expired two weeks before. Oh how gracious of them.
But then it took them THREE HOURS. I got there at 7:30 and they were closed by the time they finished it. Ugh. I’m like JUST GIVE ME THE GODDAMN PART I WILL DO IT.
So I have a new keyboard. I am never drinking water again.
Well, Ms. Annie,
I drank the Apple koolaid. I’m a total Apple-a-holic. I walk around in black turtlenecks and jeans just to catch the Steve Jobs vibe. I have an iPhone and iPods (and their cozies) comin’ out of my wazoo. I’m sure you don’t really care about this.
What you might be interested to know is that John Hodgman, Sr. works at my school. He looks and sounds just like his famous son.
You have almost touched greatness again: you know someone who knows the father of someone who is semi-famous.
Now keep that Mac healthy.
dude, why are u so whiney today? Try replacing that keyboard at Dell for free labor(if u can find one) and they’ll laugh their asses off. Funny thing is you could have found a keyboard for 1/2 that price, free shipping, and installed it yourself( since indeed a monkey can do it) with a google search that takes exactly like 0.000004 seconds. Oh and BTW, the PC guy in real life has a mac.
Dr. Michelle: Tell Mr. Hodgman Sr. that I am a huge fan of his son and he makes me want to buy a PC kind of but not really. I saw him on the street once and almost attacked him with hugs.
Ramon on the iPhone: Oh aren’t you special. I am whiny because it is 100 degrees here. Also if you are someone like me and your keyboard breaks you need a new one within the hour. I am willing to pay full price for immediacy for certain items. Like if it prevents me from working and making cash monies then I will spend the cash monies to make the cash monies, you feel me?
I totally understand, I guess you’re entitled to a little whine for your cash monies!
My boyfriend wanted computer things and bought them online to put together himself regarding his laptop and messed it up. It’s sometimes better to go to the mac assholes… I mean my boyfriend is even asian his 10 year old cousins probably made it in a sweat shop so he shouldn’t have had a problem.
One time I was arm wrestling girls at Motor City and some girl came up and I fucking destroyed her and then Justin Long (the mac guy) came up and was like “hey man, that’s my girlfriend” and I was like “Sorry dude, your girlfriend is weak as shit” and he bought me a beer.
Also, I bought a sweet ass black macbook and got drunk and stepped on it like two weeks after I got it and now there’s a crack slowly making its way across my screen. And the geniuses said it ain’t covered by AC & PS it’d cost $800 to fix… So I’m waiting until the crack arrives at its destination to get it fixed.
annie, you just need to buy those sports bottle with the pop up sucking tip thing so that you won’t spill water again…but keep drinking!
Don’t try to deny the flair I bring to this blog…;)
five days off and I am so far behind….
I only spill things when I am drunk, that normally means I usually spill alcohol which pist me off a lot because it is a really precious drink but at least normally I don’t drink near my laptop or anything valuable apart from others people’s clothes.
But the other day I got a drip in my living room and it was really close to the laptop and made me scared. I remembered that when I was doing my final project/thesis for university I had a hard drive failure in August and it took me like 360 $ and 15 days to recover all the information.
I had to give it to an IT hacker friend of mine, nothing about going to official stores, but that was because non of the official stores where able to fix the problems….
Camryn: Yeah you’d think that my family were making all the computer parts and they could just like give me a keyboard. But they were too busy dry cleaning I guess. hahaha
Aaron: I didn’t even know he had a name. I just call him the Machole. You should’ve arm wrestled him too. You would’ve won too. Your “pythons are sick”. Also why was your computer on the floor? WTF.
Fly: Yeah or just drink everyting w/ a lid and a straw.
Pedro: The data recovery services I looked into when my hard drive failed were about 600 to 1000 (USD). It’s like nothing I own or write is worth that much so I said fuck it.
Of course Hodgman uses a Mac. Mac pays him, even if he is playing the PC.
But I agree. Mac-guy is a total douche bag. It makes me stay in my PC cocoon of inefficiency.
Same with Altell. Altell guy needs to realize he’s no longer in a frat house before I’ll consider using his phone.
Oh those morons at Apple… I feel your pain… I had multiple hissy fits two summers ago when I got a MacBook that had severe issues (among other things, the “R” and the “L” keys fell off), to be replaced by a MacBook Pro which is excellent for my filmmaking endeavors. Mostly is a better machine, but the “1″ key has fallen off. I have to sort of jam it down to make a “1″ or a “!”
Yeah… Apple… not so Genius.
Enjoyed the book – flashbacks to my time in Korea and also my husband’s Filipino family.
you know, there is an Apple Keyboard Support Professional certification course that those guys take.
Agree.
I just got back from the genius bar. This has been a five day ordeal for me. The minimalist design that apple has revolutionized also applies to when it breaks. Because it either works completely or it doesn’t at all. So one morning i’m looking at the computer and a blue screen is shining back at me. “great” I say, and i put my ear to it to hear the harddrive clicking. Im the f*cking Mac whisperer now. So I carry it into the apple store. The concierge ask me if I have an appointment. I don’t, and I say “this is my internet” as I set down the Mac. While i’m talking to him he calmly walks away, as if he isn’t listening at all, to attend to another customer. He casually comes back and schedules me for an appointment that is three hours later. So I leave the mac there and I come back fifteen minutes before the appointment. The store is empty and I still see my name on the screen so I keep busy by looking around. But all of a sudden it’s past my appointment time and I still haven’t been seen yet. The genius who looked like a hobbit asks a man near him his name, the man says robert, and the hobbit asks him to sit down. This would be normal but it just so happens that roberts name was after my name… so i wait around some more… and then hobbit says to his bald friend “when is this andrew guy coming” (andrew is my name) and the bald guy says “I sure hope he comes to pick it up”. So i make eyes with both of them and I point to myself and then i continue to peruse all the useless crap in the store wondering why I ever bought a computer from here in the first place. So ten minutes later the bald genius sees me and apologizes for the time i’ll never get back. He tells me it’s by harddrive and I make sure to express that it has not been backed up recently. So he ends up “fixing” it which will allow me to back it up myself and then I would bring it in the next day for a repair. The mac freezes up on me while I try to back it up at home (murphy’s law). The blue screen taunting me. I carry it in the next morning and ask if they do back ups. The lady who was seeing me said she would go ask. She goes into the back room where apple employees drink their afternoon tea and talk about how shitty they treat their customers. She makes a joke or two with them about me and comes back fifteen minutes later with a few numbers she has pulled out of her pert round a$$. She has given me a price for the backups they offer and assures me that if they do end up replacing the harddrive that they will back it up for 60 dollars. I leave that place smiling thinking my problems are over. So yesterday I get a call, this is three days later from when I first went in, and a man is telling me they have replaced my harddrive and have fixed my mac. All I have to do is come in and pick it up. So I ask about the “backup” and he asks what I am talking about. They did not do a backup so I ask him to go ahead and to do that like the lady said they would do. So he says they will spend the rest of the day doing that and that I can expect to pick it up tomorrow. Well tomorrow is now today and I have lost complete faith in this fruit company that tries to make computers. I talk to a different man today who tells me that they have already shipped back my old harddrive, “what about the backup” I say, “what backup?” he says. So I talk to him and realize nobody is going to backup my computer and that nobody really cares. But I care that my old harddrive is in pieces now. All that was my computer is now gone and I have been raped by an army of apple employees. I finally convince the genius to go back in the room, to find my old harddrive and to find his manager. They both tell me they can’t do a backup and that I can’t leave the store with both my old harddrive and the computer they fixed that I need for schoolwork, work, banking, internet, e-mail. And that that’s against policy. I offer to buy the new harddrive. nope. All they do is look back at me while I tell them what is wrong with the store, while I tell them their apologies do me no good, while I tell them that neither one of them has done their job right and have not been helpful to any customers, and have not in any way treated me like a customer. The manager said he could try to do the backup but that I need to let them talk. So I said “thank you..” I said ” thank you.. for making me spend five days on my knees begging you to do what two seperate people have assured me they would do, and thank you for making me stay on my knees and to start bobbing on your limp dick to do it”… and then I left. So in 24-hours I will find out if they actually did what they said they would do.