Annietown

HOMIE + WHISKEY = GOOD TIMES

Ravi and his Homie live in San Francisco. He was going to send more photos but couldn’t because he was so unbelievably trashed. On the whiskey.

Everyone should know that Ravi hosts Annietown out of the goodness of his own heart and he is a swell friend. He does things like takes me to the airport in a Zipcar but then when he gets to the Zipcar to take me to the airport he discovers the battery is dead and then it is like a mad dash to the airport where we are like OMG OMG OMG NO TURN RIGHT NO TURN RIGHT OMG OMG TRAFFIC OH DEAR GOD THERE IS TRAFFIC. Ravi cooks a lot, and he is good at it. Once he complained that his fridge was filled with clarified butter. I don’t think anyone has ever complained of such a thing before. He has very high cholesterol. Ravi explains that it’s genetic and not the fridge full of clarified butter. He is obviously high on his own supply (of butter) but that’s OK.

So thanks Ravi, for not being a dick.

Homie Down Down Under Under

Helen lives in South Australia. To give you an idea of where that is, think about Australia. Then think south. Now combine the two. Got it? Sweet. Homie is a proud chicana americana. But now she is a proud chicana americana de Australia del Sur. Or something. Whatever. I don’t know Australian Spanish. But I do know that South Australia is really far from the barrio.

Chicana discovers that South Australia has many ferns. They are pretty these ferns. But Chicana decides she wants to kick back with a fatty. She takes a few leaves and blazes up when Helen is not looking.

Chicana burns incense to cover up the dank sticky herb stank because she doesn’t want Helen to find out. Helen finds out anyway after she discovers Chicana is smoking all of her herb. WTF Chicana? Get your own.

There are also strange-looking natives of South Australia. She says slowly HELLO…NATIVE…MY…NAME….IS…CHICANA. And the native says, listen, I’m not deaf, there’s no need to yell, and just because I am pink doesn’t mean I am stupid. Chicana apologizes. She did not mean to offend.

Chicana meets more natives. They come in many different sizes. Chicana smiles and says, hello natives, my name is Chicana. The dolls do not respond. They stare at her a little confused. Helen explains that the dolls are deaf and, quite frankly, a little stupid, so she needs to talk louder.

In a horrible communication error, the deaf South Australian natives decide that Chicana is an unfriendly perpetrator coming to take away their land and herb. The natives summon the rats. They are the cutest rats Chicana has ever seen.

Thanks, Helen! You are representing the Homie who has traveled the greatest distance.

Homie Down Under with Michael

Michael goes to Australia. He thinks, oh golly, I hate traveling alone, I better take my Homie. Michael doesn’t actually ever say “oh golly” but he does in fact take his Homie to Australia.

This Homie is a Baller. That means someone who plays ball. As in any sport that involves a ball, including basketball, football, the other football, baseball, table tennis, bowling, shotput, pinball, cricket, you get the idea. If there is no ball involved, Baller does not care for it. For example, he thinks Frisbee is for the weak. Why don’t you throw a real ball? he asks. It is a good question.

Michael takes Baller on a car ride because when you go to Australia that is what you do. You don’t go see the bush or taunt wombats or look at kangaroos or avoid all the poisonous snakes that live there. You go in a car and you sit and then occasionally you fall upside down.

While on the customary car ride in Australia, you see signs. That is what Australians do all day. They sit in their cars and look at signs.

The other thing you do when you visit Australia is drink beer. Baller drinks beer. He thinks its delicious. Michael tried to make him eat some Vegemite on toast but Baller instead told him to go suck it.

Thanks, Michael!