“Dear Annie, Here is your Shit.”
Sometimes people’s insanity both impresses and frightens me. It imprightens me. I am sure there is actually a REAL word for this feeling, but it’s a lot easier for me to make up a new word because that is what I do for a living. I am a wordsmith. I also make internets.
Anyway, recently an architecture student named Jason imprightened the crap out of me when he sent me a proposal and a plan for my very own one-bedroom apartment, complete with coffee bar, burrito-making station, and hedgehog habitat. (Hedgehog not included.)
Seriously. Jason. WHAT THE FUCK? You either have TOO much time on your hands, or you have very little time and you are extremely bad at managing it. You will obviously make a very good architect. All you need is the right eyewear. Maybe a stupid red scarf. If I ever meet anyone in need of a burrito-making station, you will be the first to call. “Annie, I really want to design a burrito bar for my two-bedroom, who should I hire? Who did Chipotle?” You know, if I had nickel for every time someone asked me that, I’d have . . . no money. But since I have no money, it’s obvious I get asked that everyday. Hrm, interesting. That doesn’t make sense, but you know what? Just nod. That is what I do. I nod all day, in addition to making words and internets. As you can see it gets very busy here in Annietown. If you blink you might miss something extremely important. DO NOT BLINK OH GOD DON’T DO IT.
So check out Jason’s plans here. NOTE that it will start downloading immediately. It’s a PDF. Prepared to get your mind blown. I am sure all the architects that read this blog will be like hedgehog habitat, are you 4 realz? He stole that from DS+R who stole that from Hillier. Whatever you guys. I am too imprightened to care.
Interesting to note, my friend who teaches architecture at Cooper Union said that the Boston ICA looked like a Target, so I am not the only one who thinks people should go to the ICA and buy a lot of toilet paper. Just saying. It feels good to feel right, you know what I mean? It hardly happens for me.
Anyway thanks, Jason. You have scared me. If you come near me I will pepper spray you.
I am a marketing person in an architecture firm, so…I feel ya on this whole architecture thing. One of my jobs is to submit architects for various awards like “most square building,” or “most innovative use of a rotunda” (this one usually goes to that incredible thinker that puts a rotunda on the BACK of a square building…move over Socrates…here’s comes great thinker…ARCHITECT!)
Anyway, I was thinking of some new awards…like “most boring bi-pedal hominid” award. This is where the architect can really shine! They can write an essay on stuff like floating floors and one -hour walls and… zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…
oh, sorry.
I am telling you this, because I am currently taking donations for prizes to give away for this. Prizes that architects can benefit from. I am looking for any of the following:
- clothes and fashion items not popular in the 80’s
- desk organizers and paper shredders
- a “Humility for Dummies” book (with CD)
- “How to talk to real people who don’t give a crap about the building down the street or it’s trusses” seminar.
- a noose
If anyone can help with these, please let me know.
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QueenD: What about a seminar that explores the question: “why must you pause at a construction site when we are running late?”
first of all, that reminds me that I owe you a gym for destrying things, a crumbs installation at your place and a map of homies around the world. i am really sorry but it won’t happen tomorrow, I need some time.
second. at least you should have send a normal floorplan of your apartment to that poor guy.
third. Can you include a guide of how to have a normal social life in that, because I really need one, I always screw my social relations, my friends and any girl I like, I have become a Cad monkey that only knows how to do fancy merketing like boards.
Jason,
the design sucks ….a lot of the space is wasted in circulation..
to start with, i would flip the wardrobe and the bathroom entrance … i mean who wants to see the basin as the first thing the moment you enter the apartment and the bathroom door is left accidentally open..?
i could go on ….. but wait a sec .. do i care ? …
Imprightening, indeed. Did someone really do that? Did someone really make that design for you? Man, I thought I was being imprightening when I named a bag after you. I guess I was just being kinda creepy.
Can even get a decent carne asada burrito on NYC? I’m sorry but the Magic Eight ball sez “Signs Point to No”. Correct me if I’m wrong.
What defines a burrito is a great and weighty affair; a Norcal vice Socal debate on what a burrito should be and whether rice, beans, cheese, guac, sour cream, et al should be included. IMNSHO as a gourmand one can only get decent Mexican grub in one of Greater LA’s prolific whole in the wall taco joints along with roach coaches.
To say that I am biased is an understatement but I never claimed to be anything else. Getting back to my original point to back up my claim I’ve had what passes for Mexican cuisine in Iowa and Chicago and I know cooking regional and specialized however their attempts at making a decent taco would make a maggot gag and dogs would turn their noses at it.
Eyewear and a stupid red scarf? That’s just a terrible stereotype perpetuated by K-dramas. Interestingly though, architects really are prone to amnesia and falling in love with their half-siblings. Then they slowly go blind from head trauma of course. Clearly it’s not easy being an architect, so you should ease up on them.
OMG ANNIE…MOVE OUT OF NYC NOW…YOU HAVE A STALKER. lol.
…& your brother is a freak. lol.
I’m convinced that many architects move in seedy little circles and cults. The branch davidians must have been mostly architects, as well as those guys who recently got caught marrying 12 year old girls in Texas. The only group of people that may be creepier are musicians…Oh wait :/
Pedro: My floor plan isn’t much. My apartment is the shape of the state of Utah, albeit significantly smaller. That’s pretty much it. You know instead of having a class on how to get the girl, you might want to get girls to take classes on how to get you. Might be easier sinc eyou have no time.
Zeies: But his plan is a lot better than your plan. Everyone is a critic.
Steve: I am in need of some good K-drama. My mom gets her K soaps from a video store in the Valley and literally someone who has satellite or someone in Korea tapes it onto VHS and they they dupe like fifteen copies and rent it out. How ridiculous is that?
RT: Totally imprightened I know. I was like cool and also eek! I am taking care of Aura’s beast right now. I am worried it is going to die on me while she is on vacation.
Mike: No good Mexican food in NYC. No way. Not possible. Even the places people say are good totally suck it. You just say OK tonight I will have crappy, mediocre at best mexican food. Or you think tonight I will just eat something else other than crappy, mediocre at best mexican food.
Fly: I’ve always wanted a stalker, it would make me feel famous, like Uma Thurman. And Jodie Foster. And Kate Winslet (or was it Hudson?). Also, you are a freak.
Ramon: Hey! Leave musicians out of this. Have you read Under the Banner of Heaven by Jon Krakauer? It’s all about the crazy FLDS mormon cult crap with the child brides, etc. It’s twisted shit, mang.
Dude, for K-dramas all you need is http://mysoju.com
Yes, I watch too much TV.
hehehe…we are all freaks…or rather, that’s my excuse to justify my own freakness.
I’ll look up that book, on tha low though, ‘cuz I live in Loma Linda, which is an SDA (seventh day adventist) haven. I think they are super cultish too, like no meat, saturday sabbath, whew, can’t trust ‘em…
that dr jimbob on facebook…is also imprightening…