Arrigato!
The Europeans are taking over New York City because the dollar is like the limp-wristed kid in gym class that gets shoved in a locker and the Euro is all hopped on on roids and captain of the varsity football team. So now everyday I hear people say “Oh it eez zooo cheap here!” and a little piece of me dies. Yesterday I bought half a sandwich, soup, and a coffee and it cost like eleven dollars. It was one of those situations where you are in the line and you are like, eleven dollars? Really? Can I return the coffee?
Anyway so this European stopped me for directions and I gave it to him. I get stopped for directions all the time because I look non-threatening. That is what happens when you are Asian. You look non-threatening. Even if you are holding sweet ninja stars, people will be like, those are sweet Hello Kitty ninja stars, also, where is the Apple store? Anyway I don’t really mind. So I told this guy where he could find the Apple store so he could buy like six iPhones because they are so cheap. (The Apple store is actually limiting how many you can buy.) Anyway I tell him very nicely and then he says,
“Arrigato!”
BLEARH!
Are you kidding me? I cannot STAND this. If I had a drink in my hand I would’ve thrown it in his face. This is why I should always have a drink in my hand. So I can throw it in people’s faces. I’ve never done that before, but it looks very satisfying. Once in London, Rosalyne (who is Taiwanese) and I were in some bar and this guy came up to us and bowed and said “Arrigato” and we were both like. No. That’s rude and tried to explain it. And the dude just couldn’t understand. So we gave up. There is no cure for stupidity, that was a harsh lesson learned, my friends.
So I guess the lesson here is that if you see an Asian on the street, please don’t say “arrigato.” Instead say “ni ho ma” or just give them the finger.
On a separate note, Hello Kitty ninja stars would be amazing.
My asian cousins are all coming to the US to buy iPhones ’cause they’re cheap. I wonder if the people in the Apple store will say “arrigato” to them. No one ever says “arrigato” to me — although I’m often mistaken for Japanese or Korean. Sometimes people speak to me in Spanish, which is confusing. Sometimes when I’m drunk, they think I’m an American Indian. I tell them not to assume I’m an American Indian just ’cause I drink agua fuego.
Oh, and also, I’m going to go to the Mall of America to see if it’s overrun by Europeans looking for cheap Levis. Just kidding. I’m not going to the Mall of America. The Mall of America is suck.
Well, “all rook same”-ism goes both ways, you know. Just sayin’.
If you can discern anything about a European’s country of origin from their accent, clothing, or whatever, this gives you the opportunity to “accidentally” annoy them right back … by “mistaking” them for whatever nationality theirs has the biggest historical beef with or inferiority complex to. “Mistaking” a Belgian for French, for instance, or a Greek for a Turk, presents the opportunity for annoying them just about as much as your average Korean would be when presumed to be Japanese.
Rhena: You really don’t look American Indian at all. I mean really. You don’t have the headdress or anything. Wtf? I’ve never been to the Mall of America but it sounds like a very scary place to me. And why go to a mall when you can shop online?
Alex: Yeah I could do that. Or I can just call them idiots and give them directions to Spanish Harlem or something.
The solution is to use the same racial stereotyping against them. They say “arrigato” to you. So you should say “HEY! YOUR GRANDMOTHER IS A WHORE!” to them. That would be fair.
So, what did you do over the weekend?
i love this blog…and the comments
you shouldn’t get angry, if they are stupid is their problem and nothing you can do can solve it, just ignorne them.
Ok, no, throwing something to their face it is much better. i have done it a couple of times, it is really sweeeeeeeeeeeet.
Once in a diner someone actually said, you don’t have balls to get up, walk to me and drop your glass of water over my head. So next thing I did was exactly that and the guy was completely shocked. The whole table was laughing for hours.
annie…it’s worst here…for me as an Asian… you don’t understand
Asians are second class citizens here and if you are asian, you are automatically Philipino. :/
Renato: Not only would it be fair, it’d be the truth.
Ramon: Really? I think this blog is the suck.
Pedro: My brother once poured orange juice over a little girl’s head and I laughed really hard and we both got in trouble. Bastard parents dont’ know humor when it hits them.
Fly: Ugh, I know it’s worse in other countries. Just say arrigato and smile.
I have a very old encyclopedia which tells me that the Japanese are just Koreans who have escaped, and that Koreans are Chinese people who have had enough, and the Chinese are descended from rebellious Space Aliens, who have also had enough. Do you see where I’m going with this?
mr. pony, you are a dick. :p
Pony: Well one half of you has had enough. Cuz one half is oppressing the other half.
That guy is a retard.
Also, WTF. You have the most valley accent ever.