Shout Downs
I realize that many of my friends who should read my blog, do not actually read my blog.
But, of course, many friends do read my blog. I am counting the friends who are regular readers whom I’ve never met. That is nice. These people I have never met are actually better friends than the friends I’ve met who should read my blog but don’t, the ones I mentioned above. Not that reading my blog is a necessity to be my friend, but you know. This is all I’ve got.
So, why not do SHOUT DOWNS? I am tired of “giving props” and “giving shout outs” to the peoples who deserve them. I should be shouting down to the people who deserve them too. Yin and yang that is what I always say.
I shall begin with:
JoMo: You are a dick. But you knew that. But you are a dick.
Roz: Do you even know I have a blog? Sniff, sniff. You are a dick.
Chris: Your jeans are expensive. You are a dick.
Dominic: See above.
Karina: I don’t care if I see you everyday at work and yell at you. You are a dick.
Lizzie: You may be tall, but I can take you downtown to Painsville. You are a dick.
Jeff: Put the beer(s) down. You are a dick.
Yoko: You don’t have a mean bone in your body, but guess what? You, too, are a dick.
Jared: Paging Dr. Jared. Dr. Dick Jared.
Leila: I’d sue you for being a dick but THEN you’d countersue and then win and I’d be totally fucked. For that you are a dick.
Kumar: Come here so I can kick your ass, you dick.
OK, if you were not on the list above you are very lucky in addition to not being a dick.
Now, if you are on the list and you actually read this garbage blog, then you have my apologies and I suggest reading your name and shoutdown again, but this time replace the word “dick” with “delicious cabbage” or “sweet lover.” Shoutdown becomes shout out. This is why words are better than numbers.
I have been writing, for those who care (i.e. friends who are not dicks). I’m trying to do many things, among them write the second book. Also I must do my taxes. (YES I HAVE NOT DONE THEM YET.) Also I have to write something for an upcoming publication called Field of Gray led by my friend Israel. Which reminds me.
Israel: You are a dick and I am running late with the story. That does not change that you are a dick.
Man, so many shoutdowns. I am tired from shouting down.
Everyone else: you are delicious cabbage.
Oooooo! Sounds like a throwdown! If your middle name wasn’t “dick,” I’d have to work harder to come up with an insult. Thanks Mr. n’ Mrs. Choi!
At least Chris has expensive jeans. Denim does have its plusses…
how’d RT get off the hook here? I call bullshit.
I check your blog everyday and most days, i don’t see any new blog. You are a dick too.
…and…you don’t blog about all the adventures of my FLY homie. you are a dick.
hehehe…
i’m posting and posting and being a total dick to.
Gosh gee, Annie you’re so thoughtful.
I didn’t know that just by virtue of being virtual, I am not a dick. I am virtually sure that your dear friends of the verging on virtual are not dicks and that you are just a tensey bit tense at this moment. Cheer up dear, you just made a virtual dick of yourself and you do it so well I am sure you can bank on it.
I have a rude pervert Uncle who virtually doesn’t exist to me except when he wants to pat my wife on the bum and demand money for his polyfibre colour coded nine metre long laser printed family f’n tree that shows all the dick you could possibly imagine way back to the first f’n fleet. I replied to his email with a “feck off you dick” and he truelly has. It’s great but he really is a dick.
*too
Jeffdick: YOU ARE ALIVE! You are delicious cabbage. OK now you get shout out. But everyone else inyour family? SHoutdown.
Ramon: It’s true. Jeans are nice and if you wear them everyday you might as well get nice ones but that is a separate issue from being a dick.
Aura: Shit, I totally forgot she is a dick. But then she’s probably in Myanmar right now so it’s like ok FINE you are not a dick for right now but then later you will be a dick again.
Fly: I am so behind on my Homies you have NO IDEA. You are like FIFTH down on the list of people who need to go up. So, just to let you know, I’m not being a dick to just you. I”m being a dick to many.
Simon: Being a dick is a lot harder than it looks, but I guess you’d know that. OH SNAP. Dude if my uncle pat me on the bum I would go apeshit. And then ask for money later is like double layer of dickdom. You should add a symbol of a dick next to his on the family tree. That’d be funny.
What about my Homie pics? Every day my friends read your blog to see my Homie but no Homie. And new book! I can’t wait!! You should let the Homies write your blog so you can write your book.
Idle hands are the devil’s tools. On the other hand, super busy, overworked hands just die and go to hell. Give those hands a rest.
My jeans are always extremelly cheap.
Cabbage is not delicious and the cake is a lie.
Correction cabbage is only edible when you cooked it with some sort of awesome dead animal.
Your brother
Come on!! this shout down has fired a lot of minds over there. Take it easy guys she is only asking you to read a blog.
I think you’re right Annie, your friends should read your blog, but come on, you see them and you actually would tell them the same things.It is funnier for those of us who still don’t know you.
Said that,thanks I am not a dick, and you are right you should do this shout downs more often, it feels so good after.
Chantel: I couldn’t find your Homie pics, can you resend? Crap. My inbox is like a vomit festival.
JimBob: I would love nothing more than to have idle hands and be evil. So much easier than being good.
Renato: Mine is somewhere inbetween. I don’t really know what cheap means anymore in NY.
Mike: Cabbage is good WHEN IT’S PICKLED!
Pedro: You are not a dick, no worries. No one here is a dick except for me.
Dude, I got off the hook because I am here. Sometimes I use my invisibility cloak. Don’t be jealous.