Granny Tortoise Style
Let’s talk about bowling. Bowling is the only thing my doctor has told me to avoid completely: “Your tendonitis is bullshit, don’t go bowling because it will break your fingers in half.” OK she didn’t say that exactly, but you get the idea. I said I would never go bowling because who even GOES bowling in the first place? I do not live in 1955. The only bowling people do now is on Wii and even then we all know Mario Tennis is better. Like I do not think it will be a problem to avoid bowling. It’s not like avoiding wheat or dairy (on a side note I had to go on a wheat- and dairy-free diet to figure out some allergy issues and I was totally angry and hungry all the time so I caved in after two weeks and told my doctor at the time that I rather die tomorrow by eating pasta than live forever and never eating toast again, and then he kind of gave me that passive-aggressive thing that doctors do, as if to say, sure, fine, WHATEVER, it’s your life and you’re going to die but hey, don’t let ME stop YOU from eating your precious toast. And I’m like holy shit am I paying you to be a total dick? So then I left for another doctor who was like yeah I’m not gonna force you to do anything unless you are in the throes of death because I am not a jerk. She is the best.) Anyway, what I mean to say is that not bowling is not a problem.
But then Pony came to visit from Hawaii and the whole office decided hey, let’s go bowling. And then I gave about a thousand other suggestions that does NOT involve bowling, such as air hockey, ping pong, skee ball, and trapeze lessons, which all got shot down because everyone I work with, especially Pony, is a real douchemeister. YES YOU HEAR THAT? YOU ARE A DOUCHEMEISTER.
But hey, I am a team player. I figure, I will go bowling but I will not bowl. I will watch and drink beer. Delicious beer full of wheat.
Done and done.
Anyway while at the alley, I figured out a new way to bowl that does not require me to break my fingers in half. It was a technique I knew would make all my coworkers talk mad shit and make fun of me but by that point I was drunk so who cares. They are all douchemeisters anyway. So I walk up as far as I can go in the lane and then do a granny roll between my legs, but I do it, very, very slowly with very, very little spin on it. It kind of just rolls straight ahead and then hits the pins squarely in the middle, and then I get a strike. Yes. That is HOW YOU DO IT. I was the winner and I was victorious. Granny tortoise style, much better than the crane or praying mantis style. Jackie Chan would be like, whoa, wtf, I am going to cop that shit for my next movie. And then Jet Li would do it. And then Steven Seagal would do it but like, no one would care. And then some place, somewhere, Jean Claude Van Damme would be like, I am going to make Bloodsport 8 in tortoise style and everyone would be confused because they thought Van Dam was dead and then he’d have to explain, no, I’m not dead, I’m just Belgian. And people would be like oh right, Belgian, like the waffles, you know, I thought you were Danish, like the pastry. And then Van Damme would sulk and get his fake tan on.
So bowling: I give you the thumbs up.
best ever.
People just do things without thinking and because, everybody does it that way or it has been always like this. Then suddenly someone comes and does it in a completely different way, but oh my gosh you are beaten by a granny totoise style, I would love to see those faces, you loosers. So well done Annie, teach them to use their brains.
By the way, bowling, who goes bowling, I only know companies going bowling with their employees, no friends or normal people, just company hoang out, do companies think it is cool? do companies think at all? can a company as an entity think?
sorry, I am getting drunk, I love getting drunk on tuesdays whenver it happens I have a submission on a Tuesday
why are asians attracted to bowling…?
Move over Drunken Master, here comes Granny Tortoise!
Bowling..bowling…bowling…that is the one “sport” that can make me the most frustrated. Like everytime when i start losing(cuz i suck) i almost start crying.
best visual ever.
Oh, that’s how I BOWL… except mine was slower than a tortoise that even though it hits the pins square on in the middle, i don’t get a strike coz the pins at the front drop like in slow motion and it doesn’t have enough force to knock the other pins down :s
Oh, Oh, and I also had that allergy episode about 4 yrs ago where the doctor suspected that I was allergic to gluten (can’t remember the name of the chronic illness) and I was like, darn, I can’t have McDonalds anymore. Luckily after 3 blood tests, the third one turned out to be negative.
round these parts you can go disco bowling…i’ve never done it, but do you think the adddition of the disco element would make it better or even worse?
don’t you even dig the shoes? come on, we all do. oh - did i say that out loud?
you mean those glow in the dark bowling bowls with music blasting? yes, we get them in Aust too, like from 11pm-4am or something like that. the shoes? of course! was it a fashion statement at one point? - or at least bowling shoes look-alike
you mean those glow in the dark bowling balls with music blasting? yes, we get them in Aust too, like from 11pm-4am or something like that. the shoes? of course! was it a fashion statement at one point? - or at least bowling shoes look-alike
(annie, can you like, add a ‘delete’ feature in your comments page?)
Pedro: There aren’t that many bowling alleys in NYC because you kind of need a shitload of space, but all of them here are always crowded so SOMEONE is going bowling. I go, like, once every four years. But in order for me to go “pro” with my Granny Tortoise Style I should really bowl everyday. Hrm.
Ian: That is a good question, except most of my company is not Asian and were into the idea of bowling, so I think it’s an international desire.
Ramon: Word. I should combine the two, Drunken Granny Tortoise Master. Sounds messy.
Maddie: Next time try my style you will get strikes and be victorious.
Aura: Zrzly. You know I was thinking of doing a “Shout Down” post where I make fun of all my close friends who should read my blog and doesn’t. You’d get a Shout Out obvs. But I like the idea of calling RT and Smurf out because it’d be funny.
Fly: I’m allergic to everything outdoors. Coconut makes my mouth numb.
Hez: I LOVE disco bowling. When I lived in Boston I lived near an old school candlepin bowling alley which is kind of like skee ball but w/ longer lanes and smaller pins than regular bowling. On Sat. nights they did disco bowling and there were lasers and lights and it was totally ridiculous. LOVE IT.
Fly: I can’t add a delete feature I don’t think. I thought you could do it if you were logged in? No? But I’m gonna leave it because it’s funny.
I picked up a copy of your book from B&N last night. I was laughing so much my husband said I looked ridiculous. Anyway, I LOVED IT! I recommended it to this forum that I frequent(handbag forum…yah, I;m one of those Asian ladies heheeh). I wish you’d write another book, Ms. Choi.
Something for you to hate on:
http://themoment.blogs.nytimes.com/2008/05/12/for-the-moment-felix-burrichter/
Geez Louise Annie, how long we gotta wait for more blog fun
Emily: I’m trying to write another book! Hopefully it will get published. Hopefully you will read it and like it. Thanks for picking up the book. Glad you liked it.
Doretta: Oh god, how miserable. Sex + architecture! Why take a good thing and ruin it like that?
Ramon: Sorry Ramon, I just posted, JUST FOR YOU. Haha been busy. But I will do double blog duty. Ha ha ha I said duty.
I am going to go on with my week as if that was the God’s honest truth. Annie Choi posted one just for me! Sweet, I can feel my celebrity status climbing already. Once I start bringing in the serious cheddah, im going to fly to New York and buy you a fancy expensive meal like kobe steak, or kobe broccoli if you don’t eat that sorta thing. Then we’ll get that stuff the rappers drink, “cristal” I think it is, or lot’s ‘O’ beer if you prefer. Things go really well, I may even buy your next book “new,” instead of that 1.99 special I got on Amazon
ahahaha @ ramon.
i got mine for free
Not cool FLY! What are you an architect or something? (seems all the cool kids around here are) Or have you just begun a life of crime and the pearl that caught your eye was the literary masterpiece: Happy birthday or whatever, and you stole it…
I’d be surprised if you didn’t have the highest score out of all of us. Your plodding and floppy strikes shamed us all.
I admit that I was all for bowling, but I maintain that bowling is a good activity because you spend a lot of time not bowling.
if the best part of bowling is that you spend a lot of time not bowling, maybe you would like even more not going to bowling, because if you are not bowling you even spend more time not bowling
@ Ramon:
Yes, I’m an architect by qualification, certification, registration and all…but an engineer by profession…but practically a project manager…one architect gave me Annie’s book last christmas to introduce me to annietown :D….
IT WILL GET PUBLISHED! I promise
hey, so i would just like to tell however many millions of people reading this that my best friend’s name is annie choi. she’s this awesome short little brilliant korean girl who is getting an A in AP Chemistry and wears cool necklaces. Considering I haven’t really looked at your annietown website closely or really know your annie choi, i can’t compare them sufficently. but my annie goes hecka freaking hard. so if your annie choi is ballin’, just know that she’s not the only one. Go Bears. Beat USC. And vote obama. And annie choi says that koreans kick ass.