Smelt it, Dealt it
Today I am at the office, making the Internets. Because that is what I do. I make the Internets for a living. A series of tubes I help create just for children. Anyway, what I’ve noticed the last few weeks is that our stairway smells like pee. As in urine. It’s overwhelming and disgusting. I do not like the smell of pee. I think in general, people do not like the smell of pee. If people did, then they’d make pee incense, air freshener, potpurri, and scratch n’ sniff stickers, and that is just not the case.
Anyway, I just found the source. It is indeed urine. Someone peed in our stairway, sixth floor. Guess what? It was not me.
If you are reading this, and you have peed in our stairway, please clean it up. It will be challenging since it is dried, but the stain and stench is unmistakable. You have peed in our stairway and people are cross. Please refrain from peeing in our stairway in the future. I’d like to recommend peeing in a toilet. Toilets are nice because you can pee in them and then your pee goes away (only if you flush). I’d like to recommend flushing too.
Thanks.
I’m just trying to picture you sleuthing around for the source of the pee….and I don’t like what I’m imagining….
Dr. Michelle: Yeah you shouldn’t imagine it. Someone said it could be dog pee as if that’s better. Pee is pee is pee. One day you will visit us and be thoroughly unimpressed. Although we renovated so we look more professional.
Your stairway ain’t special! The stairway up in my office has had the stench of piss & garbage for quite some time. Apparently some folks feel stifled by relieving themselves in a convention fashion & need to go free range, so to speak. All I can say is to keep on keepin’ on, friend.
I know this is not going to make you any happier, but at least you have a staircase in you orffice, I am still looking for the ones at my office.
I work on the first floor and I have to wait for ages for a complicated self intelligent elevator system everytime I wanna get to my office, it would be faster to go on the stair… but surprise you are not allowed to use them, and even more, they are hidden in such a way that after two months I still haven’t found them.
P.S. By the way Annie, if you are a writer, that is not supose to be your job, writing?? sorry, kidding, it was a bad joke, i had a bad day.
Apparently there are people who actually like the scent of pee. I know this because there are shops out there selling pee scented candles.
Oh, sure, they claim they’re for “hunting.” Wink, wink. Of course they are, dear. And that thing in my nightstand is just a personal massager for my sore back muscles.
Deer hunters take urine to a whole different level. They have buck pee, horny buck pee, doe pee, hot doe pee, estrous doe pee. It comes in bottles, patches, wicks, small plastic ampoules (called “buck poppers”), etc. Then, just so they are not too conspicuous, a good deer hunter will squirt a little raccoon pee on his or her boots as a “cover scent”. Moreover, there is the whole “don’t pee from your tree stand” ideology which leads many hunters to pee in plastic containers while sitting in their trees. If you ever find a bunch of Gatorade bottles in the forest, don’t open them up. Hmmm… Maybe if you left a few empty gatorade bottles in your stairwell, it might mitigate the problem.
That post about the roaches was one of the most disturbing things I’ve read. How are they coming out your faucet? That is just wrong. Also I feel the same way about smashing roaches, I just can’t do it. And even more so now because of the smell you described. I’ve found the best thing to do is to vacuum them up. Hopefully there’s not some roach party going on in my vacuum. Btw you are the funnay.
When I was at music camp a couple years ago one of the hallways in the dorm smelled like pee. I felt bad for the people that were living there for a week or the college students that lived their all year. Eek.
Look for the person who claims the stairs are his.
Owners tend to urinate on their possessions.
I am grateful that in UAE, we still have slaves to keep everything clean.
Haha. Eww, that reminds me of when I was younger and when I would get in trouble my dad would make me clean nasty houses he owns. It really was the worst punishment.
Megaron: I just don’t get it. I mean, use the bathroom. It’s…right there. It’s the one that says BATHROOM on it.
Pedro: It’s like that at our office building too. But then someone taped all the doors to the emergency exit stairs open so now everyone can take the stairs, with or without an emergency. And writing doesn’t pay the bills so I have a “real” job.
Alex: That’s disgusting. I remember in chemistry in high school we had to do experiments with urea and there’d be this clear bottle labeled “urea, diluted” and I wondered if it was Mr. Walker’s. He never said.
JimBob: There’s nothing I like better after a long day of hunting is to crack open a cold bottle of estrous doe pee.
Andrew: They can live inside your vacuum though! For months! I have a bagless vacuum so I’d see it crawl around in there. Oh gross.
Maddie: Everyting in NY smells like pee in the summer. It’s because of the dogs…and the people.
Nuno: I’d happily give them to this person if he or she would stop peeing on the stairs.
FLY: We used to have slaves here and then someone figured out it was bad or something. Seriously, people are so uptight. Hahaha
Camryn: Oh that’s an awful punishment. My dad gave me extra math homework and also made me raise my arms high above my head for liek ten minutes or something. Both sucked big time.
Simple solution for the roach party in your vacuum bag: after (or hell, before) vacuuming up the roaches, vacuum up a couple good rails of boric acid.
Alex: Oh that is a good idea. I was jut going to douse my entire apartment in DDT, but that works too. I don’t even think my vacuum will suck up a roach. Not because my vacuum isn’t powerful, but because the roaches are seriously huge.