I have roaches, and not the kind you smoke.
ROACHES ARE IN MY BATHTUB. They get in, but they can’t get out. Just like the mafia.
Current mood: disturbed
OH GOD.
They are coming out of the faucet. OUT OF THE FAUCET! The only thing that should come out of a faucet is water. Or beer. But definitely NOT ROACHES. I imagine turning on the water, and then just a string of roaches gushing out. I feel nauseous.
Current mood: nauseous
They are big. Like New York City-sized. We’re talking airplane carriers. When you cut them open more roaches come out THAT IS HOW BIG THEY ARE. So I am sitting here wondering what to do. I do not like to kill them. No wait, I want to kill them, but I do not want to touch them. I do not want to squash them and see their roachy bits all over my bathtub. Also when you smash a roach it has this distinct smell. It smells like vomit and darkness and hopelessness. Like you kill this one but there are MILLIONS MORE COMING DOWN THE FAUCET RIGHT NOW. AT THIS VERY SECOND. It’s really the hard candy shell that gets me. Like they have this hard shell but inside they are all juicy, so they squirt when you kill them. Some of them come out OF THE FAUCET dead, which is a mystery. Others are peppy and ready to rage and party in your apartment and drink all your beer eat all your scooby snacks and take all yoru wimmin, if they could just get out of the damn tub. I tried turning on the hot water to boil one to death, but guess what? My urine is hotter than the hot water that comes out of the faucet. Yes that is disgusting, but IT IS TRUE. I had to sit there while it took this nice bath, it was like ah, this is it, right here. Can you give me some bubbles? Maybe a little antenna massage? Meanwhile I am like DIE MOTHERFUCKER WHY WON’T YOU DIE?
Oh God, that’s disgusting. Are they coming out of the faucet when it’s turned on — meaning they’re actually in your water pipes? Or when it’s off, meaning they must have crawled up the faucet from the outside while it was turned off (unless they can magically get past the closed water valve somehow)? For some reason, the latter seems incrementally less disgusting, as long as there’s some way to bleach the inside of your faucet up to the valve.
If they’re crawling up it, maybe you can find someone to install little roach-sized burglar bars on the end of your faucet to keep them out.
I have a few ants every now and then, but thankfully no roaches. This is one of several reasons that I live in SF rather than NYC.
Horrors…supposedly soap kills the little monsters, so a hot soapy bath might work. I’ve used that vicious Lysol basin/tub/tile cleaner spray in the past. They definitely DIE DIE DIE.
Is it wrong to imagine the tub full of water and a hair dryer dropped in it? That would kill those suckers.
OMG…not a good story to know considering I’m planning to take FLY to NYC at the end of April to show her where she came from. LoL.
Call the pest control - or are they just too unaffordable in NYC?
Yuck. That made me feel totally sick. I have only ever seen one or two and I totally wanted to hurl. This is one reason I am happy I live in the midwest. I was staying with family in LA when one crawled out of the sink, I freaked out because I had just been brushing my teeth. Uughhh, I want to go vomit now.
I’m sick of all these muthafucking roaches in my muthafucking apartment!!!
Eeew. But see the brigth side. At least, it’s not scorpions coming out of your faucet.
Nasty! I’d be scared to shower ever again. Once when visiting Taiwan I woke up with a cockroach sitting on my news.
I’m quite sure that I would have nightmares of roaches crwaling all over me.*Shudders*
Supposedly Borax kills roaches gradually and horribly, but it’s not as satisfying as using your crème brûlée torch.
in a hellish share house in sydney i once woke up with a roach trying to burrow into my ear.
worse still was when something died in our plumbing and GIANT maggots started crawling out of the plug hole in the bathroom floor and squelching across the tiles.
all true. are you being sick yet?
Alex: In the house I grew up in L.A. we’d have MOUNTAINS of ants attack everything it was insane and unstoppable. Now I just have unstoppable roaches. No mice…yet.
Maggie: I tried soap, but they did not seem to care.Next time I will try gasoline and a match.
FLY: My landlord (HA HA HA) is supposed to “take care of pest issues” (HA HA HA).
Camryn: That’s happened to me before. Finding a roach in the tub is particularly awful because you are about to bathe and you are naked then you think of roaches all over your body and it’s disgusting. Just disgusting.
Ian: Damn straight, mothafucka!
Renato: We used to have scorpions growing up in L.A. We also had black widows. And rattlesnakes, but we did NOT HAVE ROACHES.
FlatGreg: When I was like eight or nine I found a roach on my pillow I flipped out turns out my brother had put it there, what a total dick.
Maddie: It’s just a nightmare for you, but for me IT IS REALITY.
Nathan: Yeah the problem w/ Borax is that it’s kind of messy, though I do not mind watching roaches die slowly and painfully.
Hez: Oh god that is so disgusting. That is just so disgusting. Australia has the craziest creatures. And like everything is poisonous, what the hell? IT’S AN ISLAND. how did all that crap get there?
To answer Annie’s last question:
The English convicts brought them there