Homies 4 My Homies
OK, my peoples, I still have some Homies left. So if you want one, I will mail it to you. I will even mail it overseas, to ANOTHER CONTINENT, but I am warning you, they are incredibly unimpressive. You’ll receive one and you’ll say, WTF I can’t believe that clown Annie sent me this piece of crap. Then you will go outside and kick some puppies, because that’s how pissed you will be. Damn you puppy, with your velvety nose and your big, brown eyes! I hate you!
Anyway, email me your snail mail address. You can find my email in the contact page.
<—- Over there, somewhere.
In other news, I received a gift in the mail from Alex. It is the gift of the world’s ultimate, most manliest man-hero alive, second only to Tom Selleck as Magnum P.I.–
DAVID HASSELHOFF AS MICHAEL KNIGHT.
It’s a 8×10 glossy black and white photo and he looks dreamy and delicious. He has nuthugging jeans and his eyes….those eyes…I can just get lost in them. It’s important to note that I was very much into the Hoff before he was on that stupid talent show. Even though he is even (more) overexposed, I still heart him. When he was drunk and eating a Whopper on the hotel room floor and sobbing at his daughter, I knew it was true love. Not that fake love you see at weddings. This is the real thing.
I need to rearrange my fridge so that the Hoff gets the real estate he deserves. It also means moving Ricky Martin somewhere else. On one hand, Ricky was there first. So he’d be like the Native American of my fridge, except he is Puerto Rican. But on the other hand, the Hoff is so clearly a force, a hairy, smoldering force with a white-man fro. How can Ricky even hope to compete? There will be a war.
Pictures to come…when I, uh, find my camera. I moved it to a new place and now I feel like those squirrels that can’t find their nuts. (Every time I use the word nuts, I want to go heh heh. Like, who does not want to do that? If you don’t, then you are a lying jackmule. I bet even Alan Greenspan laughs at “nuts.”)
NOOOOO!!!! You’re bumping Rickie for the Hoff? While I can understand your reasoning (I mean, the Hoff’s musical contributions to Baywatch were the highlight of the show), I feel I have to make a case for Rickie, because he was my contribution.
1. Rickie is wearing leather pants in said photo.
2. He’s doing they “hey, hey, check me out” pose
3. He sang “Livin’ La Vida Loca”
4. The photo came from The Most Important News Publication of Our Time.
6. He juxtaposes perfectly with Phillipe’s chairs and the aerocinno, giving your apartment that perfect high/low-brow sensibility.
So I beg you, add the Hoff, but don’t bump Rickie from prime real-estate. Relegate the Hoff to the wrong side of the refrigerator railroad tracks.
Or I’ll shank you.
I bet Ricky puts up a good fight, he’s wiry and sticky fast, maybe it’s time to resurrect celebrity death match.
Thanks for dropping the Homies in the mail for me today!
Shit. I am woefully out of touch…I didn’t realize the show was back on the air.
Aura: I know, I know. I’m conflicted. This is one of the toughest decisions I’ve ever had to make in my life. And since when did you care about Native Americans?
Bryan: But the Hoff would fight dirty. He’d knee Ricky in the nuts.
Nerd: My pleasure! It’s coated with drugs so it will be held at the UAE border. There was a big story in the Times about Abu Dhabi being Dubai’s forgotten sibling, but actually it’s just as wealthy. But CLEARLY they aren’t that wealthy if you guys don’t have HOMIES.
Bryan: It’s back on the air? I’m out of touch too. I don’t even…have a TV.
nuts…haha.
Oh please, Ricky is amorphous, that’s just how he draws his victims in. Then he starts to chop down the tree.
And I’m very upset my pauses aren’t appreciated…screw you guys…goin’ home…
ok, i have to ask. what is a homie?? i googled it but surely you do not have a bag of mexican gang figurines. unless, you do. which is cool with me. who doesn’t want a homie of their own?
It’s awesome that you posted this at 1:32am. It’s that kind of dedication, plus the Homie bribery of course, that makes us proud to be your peoples. Annie Nation, Holla!
MMkay…so I think that the Hoff should go on a new reality tv show…glossy 8 by 10 celebrity wars! For those stars that are 35 or older (some are much older).And Simon Cowell could judge it! haha. It’s genius! Sheer genius!
Dude, thank you for the Homie. It finally got here. It took a long time because I am so very far away, in Zone 999. There was some postage due, but my sister took care of it, so I guess we both owe her.
I have taken a photograph of him in his new surroundings here. I have named him Stephen.
Sandy: Now you know the awesomeness of Homies.
Steve: I have one for you, reserved.
Maddie: I woudl love a picture of Burt Reynolds to add to the mix though he is kind of cool, so maybe someone like Gary Busey/Nick Nolte or someone really pathetic. Don Johnson. THe other cast members of Magnum.
Pony: SWEEEEEET!!!!! You had postage DUE???? That doesn’t make sense. I put the postage on it that the post office told me to! WTF?