COMPARTMENT —-> PALACE
I am cleaning out my apartment in order to turn my 187 square foot COMPARTMENT into a PALACE. How do I do this? I’m glad you asked! It is a very complicated process, but I like to think of it more as a voyage of discovery. I am thinking that as I clean out my junk, my crap, my shit, my detritus, and my late 90’s and early ought clothing, I will actually find a door that leads down a hallway into ANOTHER ROOM and I will discover that this entire time I was actually living in a ONE BEDROOM PALACE and not a COMPARTMENT. Then all of the sudden I will realize I am getting a very, very good deal on my PALACE. By the look on your face, I see that you are very excited.
What I discovered on my voyage of discovery is that I am really just keeping the same amount of shit, but reorganizing it so they are in different boxes. This creates a problem. In order to turn my compartment into a PALACE I actually have to get rid of things, as in move items from my compartment to a location off the premises, most likely the trash or Goodwill. What I found is that I actually don’t have a lot of stuff. My apartment makes it seem as if I have two tons of shit crammed in a one ton truck. But actually, I have probably half a cup of shit, but my apartment can only take 3 teaspoons of it. Therein lies my problem.
I wish that as a like, totally famous writer, oh my god, I lived in more glamorous conditions, but instead I live in a compartment surrounded by my own shit. I have to say it’s really nice shit though. I mean look at my table. It’s from IKEA. Nice right? It even has a funny name. I also found a big bag of Homies which I decided I could not part with and instead, I will be giving them away to my peoples. If you want a homie, email me and I will mail you one for the low, low price of free. Because, like I said, you are my peoples.
The first time I went to New York, I drove from Toronto. We nearly died on the way down because a giant truck tire almost went through our windshield.
Anyhow, on the way down we bought a zillion Homies.
I’d ask you for a Homie, but I am currently trying to throw out stuff from when I was fifteen. It’s like, if I can do this, then I’m free to leave Vancouver. But until I get rid of shit, I am forced to live with my parents. Hahaha.
Sounds like you need one whole wall turned into a bookcase shelving affair and then the other end of ‘the palace’ you could put up a loft bed frame so that you can have a desk or lounge chairs under your bed.
I used to make them out of cheap pine timber for friends for beer money and i could send you some plan drawings and a bolt list.
Doretta: Dude, it’s ONE homie. Come on. Oh fine, whatever, YOUR LOSS. My homies are dope.
Simon: My problem is that I don’t like loft beds. Also it’ll cut off the light cuz my apartment has one (small) window and it’s in a weird place. Also, my ceilings seem low. My head would like bump into the beautiful TRACK LIGHTING. But thank you for the offer. If I move into a bigger but still small place, I will take you up on it. I just went to a restaurant where everythign was built out of bamboo and it gave me a headache.
I suggest those vacuum bags and then hang them from the ceiling as room dividers. If coordinated correctly they could make a great installation.
My grandpa would always pick up change he found on his walks. One time he found a Homie. For some reason I thought that was the funniest thing ever!
What I want to know is how did you accumulate a big bag of them?
It’s all about an Ikea mezzanine desk/bed. It’s a top bunk bed. With a desk instead of a bed for the bottom bunk. It’s a good space saver. But pretty much means you’re 12 and not willing to commit to a serious relationship.
Bryan: Sounds, uh, wonderful. Maybe I should stack up shoeboxes to separate eating and sleeping areas. That could be fun. Also provides storage! Done and done.
Stephanie: Hahaha your grandpa sounds cool. I rather pick up a Homie than a penny for sure. A Homie is worth fifty cents! That’s forty-nine more than a penny! My friend is a big Homie collector and I was just “starting” my collection so he gave me his doubles. He had them ALL. Now I give them out. Do you want one? Probably not. There aren’t too many takers. WHY NOT DON’T YOU LOVE HOMIES?
Klo: Seriously how can you take anyone back to a bunk bed? It’s like hey, uh, nice place you got here….uh, I gotta go.
will you mail it as far as london, I think you would lose money, get friends, but lose money, I don’t think that is a good idea.
By the way, Ikea is about cheap but not about small, even though living in a small place is also about cheap, should not Ikea then just do the small stuff, no big beds or TV SETS at all?
Will you mail one to Aus?
It’s funny to read this as I often dream that I’m going to find another room in my apartment. Several times it’s been finding a bigger bedroom (with skylight!) and then just the other night I dreamed of a big, white bedroom with a HUGE fireplace. It’s always through a secret passageway that I find randomly one day and it is always such a joy to dream it, and such heartbreak upon waking. I guess this must be how it is for many of us New Yorkers.
Umm…Of course I want Homies, but I am merely thinking of you and it would be too pricey to mail me Homies. Yes, that is it!
Maybe you could drop them along the sidewalk and someone else’s Grandpa could find them.
I would love a homie. And so as not to be a freeloader, I am willing to send you a smaller collectable item to help you downsize but make sure the PALACE is still fun.
Annie, can you please post photos of your compartment? I still can’t believe such small apartment exists
Pedro: Yes, I will send one to London. I need friends in all places even if it costs me. Mail me your addy.
KLO: THe postage would totally outvalue the Homie itself, but OK. Email me your addy.
Britta: Hey!!!!! Dude I was walking in West Village the other night and smelled someone’s FIREPLACE and I was like WTF. Must be nice being so AWESOME. THen I went home to an apartment that had no heat. It was sad times. How are you? Get Nathan and Kim to visit here again, it was totally fun hanging out.
Stephanie: Just give me your address. I’m already mailing it to like London and Australia. I’ll make one trip to the post office. Seriously the Homie is not worth it, but it woudl be funny to have it.
Tom: Yes, mail meyour address.
Architect by Qualification: The problem is that in photos you can’t get a sense of the scale and I can’t find the right vantage point cuz it’ so fucking small, but you can see photos of my fridge, that is the best thing going for my apt.
I had the same kind of dream a few weeks ago. In my dream, my apartment had whole other rooms that I somehow “forgot” I had. The weird thing was that the decor of these rooms was kind of “Aztec Disco” if you know what I mean. It was disappointing when I woke up.
Mike: Aztec Disco will be the theme for my next birthday party.
Are there any homies left? I live in Loma Linda CA. I would like to convert a homie into a seventh day adventist so he could discover the joys of vegetarianism, and not having to do shit on Saturdays. I am not an S.D.A, but I feel I am up to the task after watching you-tube videos on it, and occasionally getting Rick-Rolled.
Hey ramon: Email me under “contact” <—– over there. I definitely have one and it’d be awesome to have a SDA Homie. I only have ‘fake’ homies left, but they are far uglier than regular Homies.