I look like a nerd.
I am walking down the street with Mr. Morrison. We are discussing dry cleaning for some reason. Since my family is Korean and know the owners of every dry cleaner in the greater Los Angeles area, I wait until I visit to dry clean EVERY ITEM OF CLOTHING I OWN. Seriously. I hate paying for dry cleaning. It’s like paying for toilet paper. I wonder, why the hell do I have to pay for this crap if I’m gonna wipe my butt with it? Seems unreasonable. It should be free. Everyone uses air, and that’s free. Why should toilet paper be any different? If you vote me president, I promise free toilet paper and in addition, ending the war. I’d also levy a huge fine on people who don’t pick up after their dogs and people who do not laugh at my jokes. You think I’m joking? Being president is a very serious job, I don’t know if you know that. That’s not to say that I use my dry cleaning to wipe my ass, but I could since my dry cleaning is free and therefore cheaper than toilet paper. I think I’m overexplaining here, I hate when I do that. OK back to the story.
Anyway, a late nineties Civic is stuck in traffic on Sixth Avenue (ha ha ha I mean Avenue of the Americas). There is very bad music coming out. It sounds like Korn or something like that. I don’t even know what Korn sounds like, but I’m 99% sure it’s Korn. Korn is really hardcore because of their use of the K. All really hardcore things use a K, like kasserole, kite, kanana, and kookie. So you know Korn is like, wow, you guys must really rock. Not like that fake Led Zeppelin “band,” I mean they don’t even have a K IN THEIR NAME. Maybe if they were Ked Zeppelin they’d be a lot bigger and things would be different. Anyway this dude in the passenger seat rolls down his window and yells at us, HEY! YOU READ MUCH?
I am like, huh? So, I say, Huh? I SAID, DO YOU READ MUCH? Then he laughs and they drive off. I kind of don’t get it, until Morrison points out that we both wear glasses and that the car is from Jersey. Because most people who drive up Avenue of Americas (ha ha ha I mean Sixth Avenue) in my hood, are coming from the Holland, which is like a big urinary tract that empties in Jersey. That is to say, if you are from Jersey you might think reading is, like, a bad thing and you should make fun of people who might actually do it and, holy shit, actually enjoy it. OH MY GOD YOU TOTAL LOSER. And if you wear glasses you must read “much” and therefore you should be stuffed in a locker. The point is, I don’t think everyone from Jersey sucks, but that if you are listening to Korn and you are from Jersey and you might, just might, BE A TOTAL DOUCHEBAG.
And the sad part, is that I don’t read enough. I don’t even write enough. Given that is what I do for a living, it is a very complicated and sad situation.
People who yell things out of car windows should be used as a replacement for toilet paper.
Aww…Annie nerds are cool. People who listen to Korn clearly just don’t understand that.And yes, K does make everything hardcore. When i was little i was puzzled why one of our local car dealers had a sign that said “used kars”. It totally contradicted what i had learned at kindergarten that day. Huh.
Omigod…last year i was running with the x country team, and this random person (who was SPEEDING, no less)who was in an SUV driving down the road flicked us off. It was all I could do to not return the favor. Their was, however, a murmur of “assholes” running through our crowd.in fact, someone may have yelled it. it may have even been the coach. i don’t remember.
I’d totally vote for you for president, even though none of my stuff is dry clean only.Why? Because.
I wish mu parents knew all the Chinese drycleaners in Vancouver, but alas, they are as anti-social as I am.
People who are proud of not reading also breathe with their mouths open. It’s a scientific fact.
hardkore. kannibis!
I prefer death metal with cookie monster vocals only please…Korn (*scoffs*) doesn’t register on my rickter scale of doom! I make exceptions though, Last Known Settlers is good…that keyboard/xylophone player is the best part of that band…
I would vote for you also Annie. you would be a great president, someone real up there.
I agree with Maddie. Nerds are cool, I have to beleive that, most architect we do look like nerds, so what else can I think.
Renato: But they are so rough on the be-hind.
Maddie: They are just jealous because they are out of shape. They have to DRIVE what you can RUN. I would’ve said something worse than assholes.
Doretta: There’s a good article in Harper’s about the ‘demise’ of reading and how the publishing industry sucks. It’s pretty good, but you know, doesn’t teach anythign you dont’ know already, but still good. if you move to NY I can get you free drycleaning.
Ian: I agree, the keyboard player is totally the best part. I think she or he should start her own solo career. I cant’ believe Korn is so popular, it’s like…are you kidding? How bad does it have to get before it starts getting good again? I have no idea.
Pedro: I think I would also vote for myself, I’m glad we all agree. I rather be a nerd than a Korn listening jackass from Jersey, that is for sure. I rather listen to an ARCHITECT than listen to Korn. Seriously.
When i was a kid at school, this carload of wankers pulled up next to me on my walk home, and one yells out the window at me some unintelligable abuse and i yelled back something also abusive, I can’t remember what, and he stared at me blankly for a bit and then yells “f’king intellectual”, and threw an apple core at me as the car hooned off. I didn’t know f’wits ate apples.
First off, develop your NYC etiquette. Hand and finger gestures work nicely. I do not suggest waving various firearms in public since they tend to attract attention of the po po. God knows there are quite a few people on the face of this planet that need their heads turned into canoes.
Second, WTF do you expect from a bunch of fuckchops from the toxic waste dump capital of the Western Hemisphere? I’m surprised the pinhead wasn’t driving out in a rusted out mid 80s Camaro wearing a wife beater and ball cap backwards. Unfortunately, they breed. Until retroactive birth control legal the human race will be continued to be plagued by goddamned continued fucking existence of douchebaggery.
Finally while I agree w/ you that Korn more or less sucks (what genre are they supposed to be anyhoo?) I put fuck knuckles who listen to Insane Clown Posse up there in terms of permanent dipshit category mainly b/c their fanboys dress up like clowns. Clowns fucking suck, are totally creepy, and are related to mimes.
Free drycleaning…that is almost enough to make me want to move back to New York.
The value of toilet paper can only be felt when one is (unexpectedly) without. At which point I wish I could purchase it by subscription. And I thought dry cleaning was a myth. And those douchebags are everywhere.
Did they look like these dudes?
Never been to Jersey, but I spent a couple of high school years in a town just outside the Bay Area that made me almost think I knew what Jersey must be like. The place was pretty big on lowered mini-pickup trucks with beds that raised up sideways on hydraulic lifts, and gold chains worn on the outside of turtlenecks. No rusted-out mid-80s IROCs, however; it was just after the mid-80s, so the IROCs were nearly BRAND NEW.
I don’t normally read coz I’m an architect. I only look at pictures. Although I must say admit that this year, the only book that I read is your book! Does that make me a nerd too? Annie, can I recommend LASIK to eliminate those glasses.
Mike: I dont’ even think Insane Clown Posse is alive anymore. I think Eminem shot them or something.
Doretta: Done and done. See you next month.
Bryan: Dude check out the link that Alex gave, it IS TOTALLY HEAVY DUTY. OMG, I don’t even think it’s real. It’s photoshopped douchebaggery.
Alex: What is a IROC? And which town outside the Bay Area.
Architect: You are a nerd because you are an architect, those things travel together. I don’t want to do Lasik I don’t think. I like glasses because they make me look like a nerd.
That would be the IROC-Z, the Camaro most desired by Guidos everywhere through the late ’80s. If it had rhymed better, Vanilla Ice would have been rollin’ in his IROC-Z instead of in his 5.0. The town was Vacaville.
Ok, I’ve decided to change my ‘Name’ from ‘architect by qualification’ to ‘nerd’. This way, when you reply to my comments, there are less letters to type.
But surely, engineers are nerdier than architects, no? Oh wait, I reckon writers are nerdier than both engineers and architects combined! It’s ok, we can all be nerds and live happily ever after! Hahaha…
Holy shit! That’s them. No wonder they need the Korn they’re kompensating. I worked at a store during my undergrad where we kept tallies, one was how many orange people walked through the door. Most were insecure girls…I guess that hasn’t changed.
Alex: Shows you what I know. I knew a guy from Vacaville. He was Chinese and owned like all the restaurants there. Mexican, Chinese, American, and whatnot.
Nerd: Writers are definitely less nerdy than engineers and architects. They probably dress poorly than architects though, but not worse than engineers. We should all be “PR” and get it over with.
Bryan: Dude, are they photoshopped? It looks Oompa Loompa ish. I’m very scared.
Here’s at least one of those dudes’s Myspace page.
Definitely photoshopped. But that doesn’t account for the obvious line where the fake tanner stops or the fuzzy troll-Mr. Heatmiser doo. They take metro-sexuality to a level most flamboyantly gay guys wouldn’t tread simply out of good taste.
And I have met an oompa loompa in real life and they are truly, with no exaggeration, the creepiest beings ever.