I lost at life.
The greatest thing about having no heat is that you can accidentally leave the milk out overnight and when you wake up it is perfectly fine and ready to go. It’s like my fridge just got a lot bigger. About 187 square feet bigger.
It was chilly last night so I decided to make cookies in order to use the oven and warm up the joint. So two things happen: I get warm and I get cookies. It is pretty much a win-win situation, right? NO. There are no such things as win-win situations. They are make-believe, like octopus.
So, I bake cookies. They are only OK because I do not have certain ingredients that would make my cookies even more excellent. Suddenly the carbon monoxide alarm goes off. My apartment is so small that I have to bake with windows open. But that prevents my apartment from actually warming up. So then I’d have cookies, but a cold apartment, which is not a win-win, but a win-lose. If I keep the windows closed, then I will have cookies, a warm apartment, but I will die from carbon monoxide. So that is a win-win-lose. Also not good. I do not like to lose. No one likes to lose. If people liked to lose then everyone would truly be a winner and we all know the world doesn’t work like that, no matter what your stupid teacher told you. Also no one uses trigonometry either. Another lie. Anyway here’s an unlie: There are winners. There are losers. We all want to be winners, but when you try to be a winner, you will at some point be a loser because we can’t win ‘em all, right? So basically, I lost big time. I opened the windows. I froze my ass off. But the good news is that the milk is totally fine, you guys. So you can breathe easy now. The milk was saved.
Put a smile in your life Annie!!
There are a lot of things you can do in a 187 sqf freezer, you should ask your architect friends. You can train to be a boxer like Rocky, you can flood it with water and live in an aquarium fancy apartment, you can support pinguins wildlife, you can set up movie shows for some movies like that one about Mr. freeze with a freezing atmosphere to fit the movie……lots of things.
have to go, sorry
You’re a lactard like me, so you wouldn’t normally have milk in your fridge. But since you’re a writer, perhaps the milk is a metaphor?
Pedro: It was flooded with water already. Poopy water. Which incidentally supported wildlife.
Steve: Sorry I should’ve been more specific. It was soy milk. But when I say milk, that is what I mean in my house anyway.
Here’s a joke I hear all the time from my friends about the temperature in my apartment(charcoal heating and no neighbors, that’s like no heat):
“can’t we make it a bit warmer in here, so could you please open the fridge?” For a second, I think about laughing for polite reasons, but no.
lol.
Gunnar: I get that a lot too. Sometimes I boil a pot of water to make my apartment warmer. How pathetic.