I have questions. You have answers (even if you don’t).
I have some questions and maybe you can answer them. Since I don’t know the answer to these questions, I will pretty much believe any answer you give me, as long as they are delivered with AUTHORITY and also AGGRESSION. For example:
Q: Why do people wear sweats outside of the house in a non-gym setting, such as a mall, restaurant, or bar?
A: EVERY IDIOT KNOWS THAT SWEATS HELP CUT GREENHOUSE GAS EMISSIONS BY 9.2%. YOU SAY YOU WENT TO COLLEGE? WAS THAT CLOWN COLLEGE?
See how that works? It’s like oh man, I had no idea, apparently I am worse than an idiot. I’m sorry for even asking.
So then, on to my questions. I hope that you can help me because these questions keep me up at night.
1. Why do all middle-aged mothers like Josh Groban, Andrea Bocelli, and Michael Bublé?
2. Who would win in a deadly deathmatch-to-the-death-to-the-death: Marie Curie or Nikola Tesla?
3. How do you explain to your mother that Jimmy Choo makes shoes that are for whores?
4. Why do people watch Grey’s Anatomy? That show sucks.
5. Why do my parents yell things that can easily be spoken in an indoor-voice like OH I REALLY LIKE TRADER JOE’S ORANGE-CRANBERRY SCONES.
There are a lot of other questions, but honestly I think these are the five most pressing ones.
Also Merry Christmas if you celebrate it and if you don’t, it means YOU WORSHIP SATAN just like my parents. The good news is that you can DESTROY SATAN by beating him at Guitar Hero.
Answer to #4: Because soap operas are THAT much better when sharp objects are involved.
Merry Christmas to you too!
Jess: Hrm, I think whenever sharp objects are involved things are better. You’re right.
Answer to #2: Marie Curie would win because she could radiate the hell out of Nikola Tesla
1. I’m sure my mother hates all those singers.
2. I vote Marie Curie as well. I’ve just got this feeling about her.
3. Hmm, this is hard, because my mother would look at a pair of Jimmy Choos and immediately think “whore,” so I wouldn’t have to do any work.
4. Grey’s Anatomy–When I think about that show and its viewers (sorry, friends who watch it), I know I’m a misogynist.
5. Are you parents losing their hearing, or did they always yell?
5.
answer 1. they still think that those singers represent new versions of the singers of their age like frank sinatra and of course their age was better, and that music was “the music” like no others. You lnow that stupid sense of age they usually have
answer 2. I also bet for Marie Curie, as it was said before, radiating is about everything
answer 3. have you tried to put yourself one of those shoes and ask your mother about her fellings on youwearing them, you know, get a good dress to match the shoes, maybe that way…..
answer 4. young people living a more exciting life than yours, professionally, sexually and economically, well, if you have nothing to do in your life, you like to watch others life where they fuck everything they have ahead, even if the show sucks, just wish and envy
answer 5. important sentences that would last for the ages like those only are taken in account of haow important they are if you yell them, if not, nobody would care at you saying that.
#2 Definitely Currie. She had no fear of death in the face of science, and even her notebooks can kill (still - they are kept in radiation-proof vaults!).
#4 People are being brainwashed - possibly poisoned. It is an unhappy by-product of other forces attempting to take over the planet. I suspect alien forces.
#2: Tesla would win.
Why, you ask? Notre-petit-madamme-Curie was French. Mister-freaking-Tesla was Serbian. The French eat croissants and never win. The Serbs get drunk and sometimes kill people.
I could also add that Curie was actually Polish by birth, but I think that would really be too much.
Besides that, Marie was killed by her own radiation (!) and her man Pierre was run over dead by a horse-buggy. Heartless killing machine? I think not.
1. That’s a good question…I find myself asking it daily.Especially at this time of year. When my mom saw that Josh Groban came out with a xmas album AROUND HALLOWEEN and it was awful.
2. Neither, they’re both dead.
3. Um…um…good luck with that. Brands are valuable things.
4.I think it has something to do with Patrick Dempsey and scrubs. Hmm…
5.Because apparentely things like that are so EXCITING THAT YOU CAN’T JUST SAY THEM!Haha. Gotta love family.
I have no answers for you because I’m Jewish and we keep those kind of things to ourselves,dammit…
but I just read your blog for about an hour and I really like it. Nice seeing your pretty face over the holidays!
Meg: That’s true but couldn’t Tesla electrocute the shit out of Curie. Just saying.
Doretta: Your mother, though crazy, is smart.
Pedro: How did you get so smart? SEriously. You said it with SUCH AUTHORITY that I believe you.
Julie: Aliens is also responsible for losing my luggage, that is what VIrgin America toldme.
Maddie: Here’s a secret: I went to prom with JOsh Grobon’s songwriter, his name was Zach and his taste in myusic was of a forty year old, but we were like you know 17.
Georgia: Being Jewish is your answer to everything! It was nice seeing you too! You should come out and visit it’d be fun!
3 clues for your comment
1.English it´s not my native language, so I don´t use it properly
2.I am European. You know how smart are Europeans that in the last hundred years have been overpassed by anyone else in this world.
3. Maybe it´s because I am an architect
NOW YOU CAN YELL AT ME PROPERLY, you know things about me.
P.S. yeah, as you have guessed I´ve come here after reading your awesome good “Dear Architects” I should say, i love your letter, and your blog, really cool
josh groban’s record “NOEL” was the best selling record of 2007.
Pedro: Thanks! You are pretty cool even if you are an architect.
Sandra: Dude, that’s ill. ILL. How is this possible?
#4- Annie, everybody knows that watching TV requires less brain activity than sleeping. Grey’s anatomy requires even less than any normal show, that’s why smart people watch it - just to rest.
Actually, I would recomend you to watch the full 1st season, instead of trying to sleep.
#1+#5 - I think both problems are related. Obviously, nobody with normal hearing function would listen to Michael Bublé and Andrea Bocelli, so I can only think that, at middle age, this is some kind of symptom of a future hearing loss.
#3- I can’t explain anything to my mother!
#5 First Law of Parental Humiliation Dynamics
Richard: What’s the second law? I think it’s “Wake up Annie really early and tell her she needs to go to church to save her soul.”