Fear and Loathing in Los Angeles
Tomorrow I return to the greater Los Angeles area (ahem, the Valley) to visit my family. I have decided to do things a little differently this year, as an experiment. Normally I get to L.A. on Christmas because we don’t celebrate it because my parents rather spend all day at church with their friends than spend it at home all together, and I don’t blame them since I much rather spend Christmas with my friends (though not at church), so it kind of works out for everyone involved. Then I stay until New Year’s which is a big holiday for our family, where we actually spend time together and fight and the cousins have to sit around listening to our relatives complain that we are horrible people for not breeding. OH MY GOD WE ARE NOT BREEDING. But this year I’ve decided that I’d like to spend New Year’s in New York because I don’t think I’ve ever done that before, and even though New Year’s is my least favorite holiday, it might actually be my favorite if I spend it with people I actually care about and not my family. Ha ha ha. NO really. So I’m going to L.A. now and do the pre-holiday warm-up with my family. It is good to change it up. Maybe. The whole thing can suck, I have no idea. Holidays make people crazy. Like I said, it is an experiment. Experiments can go horribly wrong and sometimes you end up burning your eyebrows off, just saying. Then the stench of burned hair kind of follows you around. Again, just saying.
Also: darts. I really suck at them. You’re throwing sharp objects at something. This should really be my forte. But no. I suck.
Also: The “this is not part of your imagination” that I heard was actually a COMMERCIAL for a stupid A&E show and now I feel really violated. Why don’t they just break into my apartment and rearrange my furniture and then take a photo of themselves with my toothbrush up their bums? Just saying.
Also: My right eye is crying but my left eye is not. My left eye thinks my right eye is a big baby. My left eye wants to punch the right eye to make it stop crying but knows it will only make it worse. My right eye isn’t really crying, it just has something stuck in it. My left eye is calling bullshit on the right eye. I mean, what a lame excuse. Suurreee. My right eye is indignant, no really, something’s stuck in it. My left eye thinks it could be the ‘very special episode’ of Friends that the left eye saw recently. My right eye is pissed because it really hates that show and it’s not its fault there’s a writer’s strike going on and Daily Show and Colbert Report are not running new episodes. Besides, my right eye much prefers watching The Wire and has Netflixed season 4. The left eye is tired of hearing the right eye’s excuses. The left eye is walking out on the right eye, which now makes the right eye cry for real. You can’t leave me, says the right eye. The left eye says, oh yeah? Watch me.
You can at least take some consolation in the fact that the advertising didn’t work on you if you never figured out what it was for until Micah told you.
Also, this new conversation between eyes is much more complicated than the one discussed in your previous post.
Alex: This is true. But still, I was all excited that it was art, but instead it’s just marketing. BOOOOO. Yeah in the last conversation between the two eyes, they ganged up on the nose. But now the eyes are fighting. There is a civil war brewing. It is a good time for the nose to make its move.
I had the same situation with my eyes. Except it was my left eye crying, on a day I had public speaking. It’s funny how body parts only gang up on me the days I least need them too.
Maybe we have a disease.
=]
I’m pretty sure that if I were still in big business I would have thought that making people feel crazy enough to watch a stupid A&E show was genius, but now that I’m the underdog I just think it’s a stupid icky waste of money. Um… and your comment about the toothbrush just made me laugh out loud for a full 5 minutes. I’m pretty sure I lost some customers because of that. Who wants to buy thinks from a maniacal laughing girl in a dark store;).
wouldn’t that improve the state of yer shoebox???
You’re insane, but I love that!
Oh, btw, I’m an architect
Sara: You could just blame the crying on a really really moving speech. Lke you know, you really really care. Really. But only one eye cares. The other is like ‘meh’.
Ian: Nothing can improve my compartment. Except a bigger compartment.
Al: I’m not insane. YOU’RE insane!