My girl likes to party all the time. (Party all the time)
On Friday I went to TWO architecture office parties. Two! That’s two more than any non-architect should ever attend. Have I lost my mind? Oh dear, I think I have. LOST: My mind. Answers to the name “Annie.” If found, please return immediately. No questions asked.
The first was at Front, where my friend works. It’s a few blocks from my compartment, so I thought, why not? There will be FREE BOOZE and I think that we can all agree that best kind of booze is free, much like the best things in life, such as free booze. It was fun. There was a band. The band members actually outnumbered the people. Oh fine, I’m lying, but there was a horn section. And a belly dancer. Not bad. Most office parties do not have a belly dancer. I think we can all agree on that. Nor do they have an accordion player. Note to all other office parties: You have been ONE UPPED. Anyway, if you plan on having an office party without a belly dancer or an accordion player, then I suggest you either find them, or not call it a party. Call it “a festive get-together that will be an OK time and you will not totally hate going but it could be drastically improved with the addition of a belly dancer and an accordion player.” I know that might be too long to put on your invitations, but you don’t want to piss anyone off. If you say “office party,” people will expect belly dancers and accordion players. Then if you do not deliver “the party” people will get upset and start throwing things out the window, including chairs, computing devices, and that mouth-breather Dan from Marketing, who probably deserves it, but still. Just a tip.
Party number 2 was at Snohetta. It felt more like a rave than anything else. Mostly because people were wearing glowsticks and everyone was a tall European and dancing to techno. I was like, wow, Snohetta pulled me straight back to 1998. I met Craig, who is shaped just like a pear and very smiley. I like Craig. He seems like a nice guy. I like that he treats his employees well and everyone leaves at 6:30. Everyone who was at the party wanted a job there. See? If you treat your employees well, then people will want to work for you and then you choose whoever you want. Then you can control the number of douchebags that work in your office and then you can throw parties with glowsticks and give Annie a bucket of cash monies. Snohetta has this huge office and you could probably fit at least 32 of my apartments in there, and they only use an eighth of it. I swear one room had dust in it. I was like dudes. Two words: BOUNCE HOUSE. Craig, you are a dick if you don’t give your employees a bounce house. Just saying. Get on that.
My office party is this weekend. On Sunday. I have no idea why it’s on a Sunday. Probably because it’s cheaper. It will be a dinner where we sit down and people will make toasts and speeches and it will be very civilized. There will be no glowsticks. No kegstands. No disco. No one will do the snake on the dance floor. Which is probably a good thing.
Now in non-party news:
OK, I have nothing to add here. I guess party is the only news.
So, uh, how are you?
Sorry i missed you at the party. I was too busy being too drunk. I’m sure you were there though. You were probably one of the girls in red from jersey who was doing head spins and getting all Breakin’ 2 Electric Boogaloo on the dance floor.
Had I known that, I would have belly-danced. Few people know about my past life as a professional belly dancer, I try to hide it. But now that I know Front’s insolence it would have been worth it…hindsight is always 20/20. DAMN YOU FRONT…DAMN YOU!!!
Snoball: You and Snoployee are using that fancy O thing that I am not even going to try to figure it out. You will have a non-fancy, non-special O just like everyone else. You totally missed me at the party, I was the one wearing a I HEART BEER hat with the cans and the straw. You know what I’m talking about. You saw me.
Snoployee: Yeah Snohetta got totally OWNED. Front kicked your stupid Norwegian asses. They had half the space BUT DOUBLE THE PARTY.
Sounds like Annie missed the breakdancers. Annie, you also missed Craig doing a battle-dance with one of them, which had you seen it, surely would have tipped the scales back in our favor…
i think i saw yer mind, it was walking down polk st. i talked to it for a little while then, it said to me, “i’m not going baack to annie’s head, its better for me if i’m on holiday. cheers.” then it sashayed away from me, on its merry way. then, i thought to myself, “why would a korean brain have a british accent?”
You’re having an office party without a belly dancer and accordian players!
Snowball: Craig would totally own in a battle. But still loses to an accordion player.
Ian: Hahaha nice. Jolly good fun.
Sara: I know we suck.
My employer celebrates the holidays by not firing us. Well, all of us at least. Maybe I should’ve been an architect.
Oh, man. I have to tell you that my current job is sweet. Two holiday parties in one week–everyone, including temps were invited. And mandatory vacation! The office will close for a week and the world is not going to end. I love it.
Just wanted to drop in and leave a note. We added HAPPY BIRTHDAY… to our collection at the library where I work and after reading the first chapter, I had to visit your site to find out more.
The book is wonderful and I look forward to reading more of the site.
As for parties…um…our employee Christmas party is tonight, but I won’t be there since I’ll be working at my other job.
Oh, well.
Flatgreg: No you are better off doing whatever it is that you do than be an architect.
Doretta: That’s awesome, except for one small detail: YOU ARE IN CANADA. I hate you so much.
Cleggy: Thanks! I’m glad that my book is in a library, that makes me happy.Libraries make me happy in general. It’s like LOOK THERE ARE BOOKS HERE YOU CAN READ WHATEVER YOU WANT. I might be blacklisted at the NY Public Library cuz of my late fees though. It’s only ten cents a day but you know it adds up kind of fast.