Fa la la la la the finger
OK. Does anyone actually like Christmas music? If so, please identify yourself so I can punch you in the throat and call you a liar. NO ONE likes Christmas music. Jesus doesn’t even like Christmas music and half that crap is about him. So, why are people playing it? Sometimes I want to break down in the store and just cry and then have a throwdown with the first “customer service representative” I see. Christmas shopping is already stressful enough, it’s like they are actually trying to kill me. Santa, why are you trying to kill me? I don’t know which is the worst Christmas song. It might be the “Twelve Days of Christmas” song because it’s about twelve days long. Like, why not just sing “99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall”? Or it might be “We wish you a Merry Christmas” because the song is like 5 minutes long but there are only 10 words. The word to minute ratio is very, very bad.
That reminds me of how my mother called me “Santa Claus maid” when she in fact meant to call me an elf. This is because I am on the petite side of the human scale. I’d be huge for a dog, mind you, but for a human, I am kind of small. But not, like, that small. But you know what I mean. The point is this: if you have read Happy Birthday or Whatever, you already know this. Sometimes I find myself saying things I wrote in the book and people call me on it. Like, yeah Annie, I read it, duh. It’s particularly bad with my close friends because they’ve heard it a million times, and then read it, and then now they have to hear it again. I’m surprised I have any friends at all, really. So then I get embarrassed and it kind of puts a damper on the conversation and I have to be like oh sorry, I forgot, say, that’s a nice shirt you got on.
My kids go to a really great small country primary school (25 students) which got invited to the big town nearby to join in with all the other neglected kids schools around about whose parents have nothing better to do because we’re all dirt poor and bushfired out this year and just sit around with our fingers in sockets anyway. So what the heck, a bit of charity to cheer us all up. OH JOY An invitation to join the town choristors for a FUN FILLED? christamas carol night with all ye faithful.
My kids really good school coordinator told us about it and also told us that she’d declined the invitation to go to the big town for the fun filled rehersal. Phew, the kids wont even know it’s on and we can all just forget about it. Thanks cool school coordinator who knows what side her toast is buttered on.
Simon: You’re cool school coordinator understands the spirit of Christmas which is to say, don’t involve everyone. Everyone can take a lesson from her.
Simon: Also, were you the one who set me the wombat? NO one has identified himself/herself/itself. Currently my wombat is on my desk giving the finger to passing cheerful people.
I do hate some more than others. Little Drummer Boy makes me want to Pa rum pum pum pummel somebody.
It really depends on who’s singing. Hearing any of Mariah Carey’s Christmas songs makes me want to bang my head on the nearest available table/wall. I did not realize until hearing her rendition of “Oh Holy Night” that it was possible to hit an entire scale’s worth of notes and then some on a word with three or fewer letters.
Here is what you. You go way back in time, let’s say two years. You just received an ipod for Christmas. Two years later you forgot who gave that thing to you, it is so ol fashioned, but you still have the ipod. When someone gives you something, you keep it. Even though several times you have wanted to throw it into the Hudson, you are in tune with your sustainable self. And you kind a like Brad Pitt, you even think pink looks cute on him. The ipod was fairly empty, but someone was so kind to put Sufjan Stevens’ “Songs for Crhistmas” on. Someone else told you that in some ways, the mission of recording a Christmas EP every year is almost as conceptually audacious as Stevens’ Fifty States Project, given how few seasonal songs are worthy of interpretation. Well, you didn’t agree with that. This year you have decided to put the ipod inside of your wombat and carry it along with you. People ask you why you are walking around with a wombat. You ask them what else one should be supposed to do when suffering from Christmas.
Stephanie: Word to that. If you interpret White Christmas as being racist, it’s actually a very funny song. But other than that, all the other songs suck it.
Liv: Oh man I rather die than listen to a Mariah Carey Christmas album. Doesn’t she have, like, a hundred of them? Every single time someone sings a Christmas song, an angel dies. That is what I read.
One Weeping Wombat: But why would you do that to a wombat? He didn’t do anything to you. He was just there happy. Now he has Sufjan Stevens up his butt. That’s just not nice.
Being myself a wombat, it is hard to understand your concern of one of my fellow species having a Sufjan Stevens up his butt. Well, it is not the best that can happen to a wombat, but surely better than to die. A little investigation during the past days in our community revealed that some don’t mind and others do. But hell, we are living in freedom. Or at least that is what we think.
No sorry Annie. ‘Twas not I who sent the wombat. Actually, my young boys have one that they have just about wrestled the stuffing out of, but i wouldn’t send that to you. They would cry.